kissing frogs.

sh*t coworkers say

2012-01-26T11:30:00.001-05:00

I was in the kitchen at work this morning, chillin' chillin', mindin' my business (Salt-n-Pepa anyone?) and making some coffee when my coworker approached. I assumed she wanted to use the coffee machine, but nope. She wanted to drop some major advice on me because, I'd asked her to. Oh wait, I didn't! She looked at me and said: "You shouldn't wear your glasses so often.. men won't find you attractive and they won't want to date you."

I don't think she had any malicious intent, so I wasn't even mad. Well, I suppose I was a little peeved. Probably because it was the very start of the day and I hadn't had a chance to put my bullshit shield up for the day. But, it did remind me of some other interesting interactions I've had with various colleagues over the years. There was the coworker who assumed that I was Puerto Rican, who could forget about that? But there are more. So, so many more. And I am going to share some of them with you. You're welcome:

"You're eating again? Didn't you, like, just eat lunch?"

Me: "What are your plans for the weekend? Anything fun?"
"I'm going to a show with a friend and her friend"
Me: "That sounds fun!"
"Yea, I'm totally going to try to get them to have a threesome"
Me: "OH.. well, that does.. sound.. fun.."

"You're single because your standards are too high! You should lower them a little bit."

"Are you sick? You look awful."
Me: "No, I'm just exhausted."
"Oh.. because you look awful."
Me: "You already said that."
"Well, it's true"

"Every period is the waste of a perfectly good egg. A missed opportunity."

"What is that?"
Me: "A veggie burger!"
"It smells like barf"
Me: "It's... delicious?"

Do you have coworkers who can't keep their mouths shut? Ever had any especially awesome WTF moments? Share!

i should be embarrassed to post this, but somehow i'm not

2012-01-23T20:54:00.002-05:00

For those of you who don't follow me on twitter, I decided to challenge myself to wear 30 different scarves in 30 days. Obviously I have a LOT of scarves. And a lot of free time. I've been posting pictures on instagram and the twitter but not here on my blog. I have movie-makin' skills and even this 2 minute video took me an embarrassingly long time to do. So.. I present to you 30 days of scarves. I hope you enjoy the song I chose to accompany the video:

week 6

2012-01-22T20:50:00.001-05:00

This week sucked. Well, the first part of the week was pretty great and then I started feeling awful on Thursday. I saw in the forecast that it was supposed to snow on Saturday, so I planned to run on Friday. But then I woke up on that morning feeling congested and disgusting. So, I went back to bed instead of running (which, I think was the correct decision). It did snow on Saturday and I was in no condition to run so I made the executive decision to rest. I didn't fall asleep until 5:30 this morning because of the congestion and coughing but I did wake up feeling a little better. I'm hoping that I'll have this cold completely kicked by Tuesday (when I plan to run next).

I'm disappointed with the week, but I can't really help the fact that I got a cold. In the long run, skipping one long run isn't the end of the world - especially when I've got another five weeks until race day.

How was your week? What were your highs and lows?

three things thursday

2012-01-19T19:06:00.001-05:00

1. As a native New Yorker, this made me laugh out loud. Several times. Last time I was in the city I was walking down Fifth Avenue the day after Christmas and OH. MY. GOD. Was that the biggest mistake ever OR WHAT? Did you know that people will just walk up and down the street walking by the windows of department stores. Really dudes? Get out of my way.

2. This show is FANTASTIC. I really, really love British accents. And to be honest, the best character on the show is Maggie Smith. She is one thousand percent HBIC. It was a little slow to start but I've flown through two full seasons and I am (probably a little too) invested in these characters. I'm sad that it's going to be months until season three is aired.

3. December was a candy-free month for me. On January 1st I decided on another challenge - no baked goods for a month. Most days it's not difficult - but a couple of weeks ago there were these epic apple cheesecake bars in the office and I actually had to avoid the kitchen. I knew that if I went in then I'd either eat the whole tray or get so frustrated that I punched someone. If I succeed then I am allowed to buy myself a Sodastream. I WILL OWN THAT SODASTREAM - MARK MY WORDS.

wordless wednesday

2012-01-18T14:33:00.002-05:00

week 5

2012-01-15T21:32:00.001-05:00

Monday's fighter fitness class was insane - after our warm-up we did 50 pull-ups (with straps), 100 push-ups, 150 sit-ups, and 200 squats. Oh, and following that, 1000 jumps with the rope. Tuesday's run helped a little bit to shake out the soreness, just in time for me to shred my arms and back climbing on Wednesday. I decided to give myself a break and took rest days on Thursday and Friday. Much needed, if you ask me.

My run on Saturday was.. challenging. I should have known that it would be after I fell about 50 feet after starting. I wasn't hurt, but it definitely scared me and put me in a weird mood for the run. Also, there were a couple of miles that we were running directly into the wind and it sucked. It took so much energy to fight against the 20mph winds that I was just really cranky towards the end of the run. My calf was also bothering me (hey, at least it's not the knee?). But it's done and my knee hasn't flared up again so I'm going to put that slow, awful run behind me and look forward to next week.

How was your week? What were your training highs and lows?

lessons learned

2012-01-12T12:05:00.002-05:00

As of yesterday, I am officially done (again) with physical therapy. Susana and I talked about how I've been feeling, the exercises I've been doing and came to the conclusion that I was strong enough to be released back into the wild. It's scary, because last time I pranced out of that office and said my goodbyes, I thought that was the last I'd see of my PT and chiro. Three months later, like an (un)champ, the pain was back.

In total I had four sessions with the chiropractor - most of which involved him manually releasing my platypus (aka my Popliteus), hamstring and calf muscles. There was one session where he SEPARATED my hamstring muscle, which, I didn't even know what possible. I was so incredibly sore for three days and then everything started to feel better. That, in combination of PT sessions and exercises where I focused on strengthening my feet (with my non-existent arch), my hamstrings and glutes. I'm also doing exercises that will help with my balance (which is still pretty pitiful, even after six weeks).

Despite the pain, tears and money spent, I'm trying to really take some positive lessons from this ordeal. Looking at my list, it may all seem a little... obvious, but it wasn't to me. Here goes:

Strength training, strength training, STRENGTH TRAINING
Yesterday my PT told me that if I forgot everything else she showed me, that she wanted me to remember to: "not sub a run day at the expense of strength training. It will not benefit you in the long run". I don't think I ever did much in the way of consistent cross training and now it's something that I am making time for. Cardio seven days a week may work for some, but it's not sustainable for me.

Know the difference between challenging yourself, and being stupid
I love my fighter fitness class - but I was really dumb the day I did 200 kicks on a bag. My knee didn't feel quite right after and I woke up the next day in pain. And there started the flare-up that brought me back to treatment. I still go to the same class, but I'm more careful about the exercises I'll do. Squat jumps, rotated kicks, backwards lunges, etc are on my no-no list (for now). When I get tired, my form goes to crap, my knees bow in and shit gets painful. Susana says that there are the exercises to try once I've built up more strength and balance in my legs. Until then, I still get an amazing workout and don't have to worry about the knee pain.

I enjoy activities that are NOT running
Running was my EVERYTHING. And that's why I was so gutted when I wasn't allowed to run. For years it was, what workouts can I fit in aside from my runs? What exercise won't tire out my legs too much for my long run? I think that might be fine for some people, but it's not sustainable for me. I can't (and don't want to) run four days a week. More than that, there are other things I like do in addition to running. If I hadn't gotten injured I never would have gotten back into the pool, or started cycling, and I never would have tried to rock climb. But I did get injured, and as a result I've found activities that inspire and motivate me just as much as running has in the past.

Take opinions with a grain of salt
What's that phrase? Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one? Yes, that's it. It's especially true when you're injured. Everyone will find it necessary to weigh in on your injury and WebMD will tell you that you've got tuberculosis. It's important to surround yourself with knowledgeable people but still be able to understand that a lot about sports injuries is fuzzy. At best, treatment can sometimes be akin to covering your eyes and throwing darts at the wall. Eventually you'll hit the mark, but it will probably take some time.

What are some lessons you've learned from being injured/recovering? Share!

week four

2012-01-09T13:30:00.002-05:00

So.. basically all I did was run or rock climb. Except on Monday, when I did both. Tuesday morning was.. interesting. And by interesting I mean I felt like someone had punched me repeatedly in that spot between my shoulder blades. Normally I do fighter fitness on Mondays, but they were closed, so that explains the abundance of climbing last week. Also, the double workout early in the week is why I had two rest days. Running-wise, I'm pretty pleased with my mileage and my pacing.

I am still entertaining the thought of doing a sprint triathlon in the Spring. That would mean that I should probably get back in the pool at some point. Oh, and back on the bike, since the last time I checked a triathlon does actually include more than just running and swimming. I feel like I need to be running three times a week, and I'm not willing to give up on my two days of climbing, and then there's my Monday night fighter fitness classes. So that leaves me with one my rest day. I suppose I could also double up on a workout and add in a bike or swim there.

Any suggestions of how to start ramping up for a sprint tri? I mean, other than trying to CREATE another day of the week, which seems difficult and a little messy. Any and all advice is appreciated!

i am a runner

2012-01-08T15:27:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a whole blog entry written and blogger decided to shit itself and shut down, so it's gone into the ether. That's pretty annoying.

One year ago today I became a marathoner. And then in February I ran my seventh half marathon, followed by my first relay in May. Halfway through the year I fell apart. I have spent the last seven months being injured and/or in physical therapy and the chiropractor's office. I don't know what I expected after being cleared to run again. Maybe I'd hoped that I'd get back to running half marathons in no time, and that I'd still be able to keep my same pace. Seems pretty unreasonable, right? I went from being able to run for 5 hours to wanting to die before hitting five miles. Humbling doesn't even begin to explain it.

Getting back into running hasn't been easy. I don't remember being this sore or frustrated when I first started to run back in 2007. But, then again, I guess I had no expectations of what my body could do. Now I know what I am (or was) capable of, and am continuously frustrated to be so far from it. I have to keep reminding myself that I can get back there, and if I put in the time and the miles, that I will. One day.

Yesterday I ran 8 miles. It's the longest run in.. I don't even know how long. A pretty long time. It didn't feel magical and amazing. Well, parts of it did. But towards the end I felt like crap. Today my knee feels achy and my hamstrings are tight. But I did it. I am running the Hyannis half and that's definitely helped to put a flame under my ass. I know I will run a half marathon on February 26th. Will I PR? No, probably not. But I've long since realized that not every race will be your fastest. There are so many other things that can make a race experience amazing. I am, slowly, proving to myself that I can run. That I am mentally and physically strong enough to once again call myself a runner.

I am a runner.

wordless wednesday

2012-01-04T12:51:00.002-05:00

weeks two and three

2012-01-02T13:43:00.002-05:00

So, week two was a little bit of a failure. I could make excuses and say that I was sore or that I was busy hanging out with my family for most of the week. But really, I just wanted to relax and do nothing. Let's call it my Christmas present to myself, shall we? And at least I got two runs in, even if my total mileage didn't top 10 miles.

Week three was definitely more respectable. I only ran twice, but I was very active on most other days. I got to try my first Physique 57 class (which was great, but not 35 dollars great), and get in a bike ride in New York before heading back to Boston on Wednesday to resume my regularly scheduled programming, er -- exercising.

Considering the fact that it was the holiday season and I was in New York for about six days, weeks two and three weren't all that bad. Still some improvements to be made, but I'm going to give myself some credit for the workouts I did while at my parent's house.

Are you training for any races? What does a typical week look like for you? How do you stay active when you're thrown off of your routine?

new beginnings

2012-01-01T14:36:00.000-05:00

a year in the life - 2011 edition (part II)

2011-12-31T11:10:00.001-05:00

July
I spent some time relaxing on Bustin's Island (off of Maine) with Juls and Danielle. We were scolded for drinking too much wine, and I got lobster juice all over the place. This, and many other things, are probably why Jules' grandmother (maybe not so) jokingly told me that I'm not invited back?

I also did my first open water swim around part of the island! And in true J fashion, I managed to mangle myself. I don't even know why this surprises me anymore. Damn barnacles:

i still have scars on my leg from this.

After being given the go-ahead by my physical therapist to go ahead and start running, I was stunned to find out the results of my MRI. The diagnosis? A rather sizable tear on the horn of my lateral meniscus. I knew immediately that the only option for me was surgery. I'd made no noticeable improvements in physical therapy. Of course no one knows what they'll find until they go in and look at my knee but my PT, orthopedist and I agreed that surgery was my best option. Balls.

August:
I got me a bike! It was one of the few activities that didn't make my knee pain flare up, so I rode whenever I could. It was really scary riding around through Cambridge and Somerville, but it only took a little while for me to build the confidence to ride around during rush-hour traffic.

Mostly, August was a bust because I was just counting the days until my surgery. After months of pain, I just wanted it to be done and over with. I had my surgery on August 26th and it went perfectly. They also gave me percocet. My favorite. My surgeon took out a chunk of my meniscus that was rolled up and catching in my knee joint. OUCHIES. The road to recovery was smooth and not at all at traumatizing as the months after my ACL surgery.

taken about two hours post-op. yes, i am in target. yes, i did knock a lot of shit over with my crutches.

The best part was actually what I'd been afraid of at first -- spending time with my mother. We didn't fight at all. In fact, we definitely bonded. I mean, I'm a grown adult (for all intents and purposes), and she didn't have to travel 210 miles and put her life on hold for almost a week to take care of me after minor surgery. But she did, and I will always be thankful for it. I ugly cried for a really long time after she left.

September
Laura and I went on an adventure that included Cape Code, a 30 mile bike ride and Sangria. 'Nuff said. That was (and still is) my longest bike ride. Not too bad considering I was a little over two weeks post-op. My physical therapist, by the way, almost punched me in the face when I told her the distance. I guess our definitions of take it easy can vary a bit. Hers had to do with activity, mine is more booze-related. Oops. Let's just chalk that up to poor communication, shall we?

On September 17 (a mere 22 days after surgery), I completed the MMRF Race for Research 5k. Who cares that it took us 44 minutes to walk/run it? I did it! And it was to support the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation - a cause that is near and dear to my heart. I'd say this photo sums up my feelings about the race:

By the end of September I was given the okay to run and had was able to run slightly more than a 5k distance. YEA BOY.

October
I made an impromptu trip down to New York to go to the Yankees playoff game with my dad and brothers. The Yanks lost, and it ended up pouring, but I had an amazing time seeing the new (to me) stadium and hanging out with my family (minus my mother who doesn't give a rat's ass about sports).

I learned how to carve a pumpkin, which was pretty bad ass. Although I'm told that I'm weird for never having carved one as a child. What can I say? My family was too focused on the candy eating to worry about carving a stinkin' pumpkin.

I ran the Tufts 10k and the Superhero 5k -- both with no pain (except from being painfully out of shape). Just to show you how awful Boston weather is - for the Tufts 10k (on October 10th) it was about 80 degrees and HUMID. For the Superhero run, which was right after Halloween, it was below freezing. Thanks, New England, for being a weather dick.

before tufts 10k, and before i almost puked over the side of the mass ave bridge due to the heat.

The best part of the month of October? A week after being told by my boss how awful I am, and how people don't like me and don't want to work with me, I was offered a new job. With a 15 percent salary increase. I was so nervous to give my two weeks notice but it was painless. To give you an idea of how happy I was to leave, I basically skipped out of the office on my last day. I had been broken down so much that I had no faith in myself or my professional abilities. Leaving that job was the best thing I could have done for myself.

November
I tried out for the Amazing Race, but amazingly enough, I didn't get selected. Those wankers. I'll have you know that I would make for some damn excellent television.

Started my new job!!!!! It was scary. Really scary. Iv'e been working in the same office since the day after graduation. But as each day goes by I grow more and more secure in the knowledge that this decision was absolutely, 100% the right one for me to make.

I tried indoor rock climbing for the first time and pretty much fell in love. I think it's because, at my core, I am a monkey. And a 90 year old lady. It really just depends on the day. I even invested in some climbing shoes and a chalk bag. I think this means that I am legit.

I ran the Garden City Turkey trot for the third year in a row and it was a blast, as usual. I love supporting races that are local and where the proceeds go directly into the community. I plan to do this race for many years to come!

December
I started off the month with a flare up of knee pain. It scared the hell out of me, since it was the same pain I'd felt before the surgery. I made appointments for the chiro and PT as quickly as I could. It took a couple of weeks, but the pain is (mostly-ish?) gone. My chiro did some ART on my hamstring, popliteus and calf - which were all really, really tight. My PT thinks that I'm biomechcanically flawed (isn't that sweet?) and that it's starting with me feet. Since I'm not in pain, I don't have to go back to the chiro, but I have been doing PT again once a week. We're focusing on strengthening my arches, ankles and feet in the hopes that it will prevent my knees from bowing in when I do certain exercises. I don't even know if this is the problem, but right now the pain is infrequent and manageable, so I am going to roll with it.

I ran another 5k, this one was the Santa Sightings race. At this point whatever had caused my knee to flare up had eased up so my PT (who was actually running the race too) said that it would probably be fine to do. Despite my knee feeling okay, I definitely was feeling sluggish and out of shape. Also, word to the wise: felt does not breathe. And it will shred in the ass and crotch region if you try to run in it. Fact.

So that was my year. 2011 was a year that challenged me physically and emotionally. There have been some dark, sad times for me. But I've always managed to pull myself out of the trenches to try to find my center. I can say with absolute certainty that I couldn't have done it on my own. THANK YOU to the people who listened to me endlessly cry and complain about my job, my knee and whatever other tragedy was going on at that exact moment. I have made some amazing new friends, strengthened the bonds of some existing (and awesome) friendships, and seen some others fade away.

If I had to think of one quote to sum up the last twelve months it would be this gem from Winnie the Pooh: "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Happy and healthy new year, and I will see you all in 2012!

a year in the life - 2011 edition (part I)

2011-12-30T18:04:00.001-05:00

Last year I did a painfully in-depth recap of my year. I don't think anyone needed to know about my year's occurrences in that amount of detail, but did that stop me from writing about it? Does it ever? The answer is always: HELL NO. So here's my 2011 recap, I can't believe it's almost 2012. I'm just hoping that if the end of the world comes this year, that it just ends instead of being a zombie apocalypse. That's my only request. NO ZOMBIES.

January
Dude. I ran a mararthon! On Sunday, January 9, 2011, I became a marathoner. Me. The girl who has actually uttered the words "I'm just not built to run". It was such an epic experience - there's nothing quite like running through the entire Magic Kingdom and then high-fiving Mickey and Minnie at the finish line. I will remember that race (except for miles 13-17, when I mentally blacked out but was still physically running) for the rest of my life.

just after crossing the finish line

While spending some time in Orlando before and after the race, I managed to miss two blizzards. January ended up being one HELL of a month for snowfall in Boston, and I got a lot of shoveling practice and cursed the day I decided to move even further north.

February:
My blog turned two! Soon it's going to turn into one of those screaming toddlers who walks around your apartment throwing shit on the floor because it just learned to walk and to cause one hell of a ruckus?. Just wait for it..

I celebrated my 27th birthday with some of my amazing friends. I was so overwhelmed (in a good way) with how many people came out to celebrate me. To show my excitement, I got blackout drunk and then proceeded to have a major fight with Manfriend (remember that douche?) because he thought I'd slept with my guy friend while he was traveling for work. Good thing I was so drunk that I didn't remember the whole fight? Unfortunately my not-as-drunk friends did. Embarrassing.

I also ran the Hyannis Half Marathon. In the snow. I had no idea then that it would be my first and last half marathon of 2011. Despite being soaked to the bone, I had so much fun. Manfriend actually made the trip with me, and the last time I saw him was when I dropped him off at his apartment that Sunday. We did the bullshit slow fizzle and that was that. I've heard from him a couple of times since then, but now I have a new phone number and I'm hoping to never lay eyes on him ever again. Good riddance, dickhead.


i never like race photos but this one is pretty great. i imagine i was thinking "no, YOU da man!"

March:

I ran over the Brooklyn Bridge for the first time, which I thought was infinitely cool.

But let's be honest, the most important thing that happened to me was that I gave myself a concussion on my car trunk. And then I puked on the floor of the emergency room. This is my life. This will likely always be my life. I wish I had a picture of me in the ER, but it's probably better that I do not.

April

As a team leader for the Team LUNA Chix running team, I was invited to attend the summit that they hold every year on the west coast. Ladies from run, bike and triathlon teams from across the country come together for a weekend of activities, informative sessions and really, and made some great friends. But, the most important.. free Luna bars. So many free bars. Note to self: next year, bring an extra bag for all of the goodies. But really, it was an amazing weekend. I did early morning yoga, I ran up a legit mountain (and lived to tell the tale) and spent some great quality time with my friends, who I'm lucky enough to have as teammates.

After Summit had concluded, we spent the day in San Francisco. We did a lot of sightseeing, and a lot of eating. I'd say it was 80/20 (eating/sightseeing), which is pretty much the perfect combination, if you ask me.

Other notable April events: I finally learned how to change a tire, I spent a gagillion hours in church for my best friend's confirmation and got hit in the eye with holy water - confirming my theory that I am, indeed, the Christ-child. I also didn't get picked for the lottery for the 2012 NYC Marathon. Good thing, since I didn't know that in a few months I'd be in a world of pain.

May

Things at work started to deteriorate. Rapidly. My boss changed the location for a hugehugehuge dinner four working days before the event. It was up to me to call every board member (did I mention that this is an international board?). I was told that I had to (not asked) come into work on the weekend to make the calls. I busted my ass to get that done, and when the event went flawlessly I didn't even receive so much as a "nice job". If only I'd known how much worse it'd get before I finally got the hell out of that toxic work environment.

I also Reached the Beach. The experience was more than I could have ever expected it to be. I had so much fun, ate a box of Cheez-its, got the worst sunburn ever (until the next worst one that I'd get a month later), ran up a mountain and made some amazing friends. I mean, if they didn't throw me out of the van for talking about poop and vaginas then really, what more can you ask for? Oh yea, I also ran about 20 miles throughout the relay. Soon after this, my knee went to complete and total shit.


makin' love to that box of cheez-its

twins. it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

my dirty little freaks - wrong in all the right ways

June
My knee decided to hate me. I had a mystery injury that no one could seem to diagnose. I went to two orthopedists and a physical therapist and nothing seemed to make it any better. The unofficial prognosis was hamstring strain but I was told that I shouldn't run. Actually I was instructed not to do most activities. As you can imagine, I was quite miserable. I dropped out of the Worcester half marathon as well as the NYRR mini-10k, which was such a huge emotional blow to me. I was in pain every day and no one seemed to know why.

Luckily I was pulled out of my black hole at the end of the month with a trip to Chicago to visit Elizabeth and Jess. I was basically drunk on delicious margaritas within hours of touching down, do these girls know me or what? I'd been once before, so I didn't need to do any of the sightseeing stuff. It was a fun and relaxing trip, and it was definitely exactly what I needed!


i am totally drizzunk in this picture, by the way

to be continued..

reading rainbow: 2011 wrap-up

2011-12-29T12:34:00.002-05:00

I've always been a voracious reader. Anyone who knows me in real life, or follows me on Twitter knows this fact. I was the little girl who, in elementary school, would read books for fun and then write reports about them. I'd place them into a binder and when one was assigned in school, I'd just thumb through to find the one I wanted to submit. See? Total book nerd. And now that I have a Kindle Fire, I'm reading faster than ever. And another bonus? I no longer am mocked for carrying 1000+ page books in my bag wherever I go.

I've read 62 books this year, and am in the middle of the 63rd. I'm hoping I can get it finished by the end of the year. If not, I'd say that 62 is beyond respectable (and beats my 2008 record, which was 58!). I thought I'd share with you some of my favorites from this year:

Sister by Rosamund Lipton

The conversational tone of the writing was intriguing to me. It's told in letter/diary format from one sister to another. Bee is convinced that her sister, Tess, did not commit suicide. The story that follows is a crime drama that's not entirely typical -- which is right up my alley.

Bossypants by Tina Fey

If you can read this book without laughing out loud then you're not the kind of person I'm going to get along wish. Seriously, Tina Fey is brilliant and witty. My love for her was solidified during the episode of 30 Rock where she sings "working on my night cheese.." in a Snuggie. This is my future. But yeah, read this book if you haven't already done so.

Still Alice by Lisa Genova

This book broke my heart about a million times. It's a really beautiful, heartbreaking story told from the perspective of a woman who is diagnosed with Alzheimers. It absolutely hit a raw nerve in me, as my nanny suffered from dementia towards the end of her life. If you're looking for something light and fluffy, this is not the book for you. Be prepared to cry (unless you have no soul).

Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanna Collins

Okay, these books aren't the BEST in terms of the quality of writing. But they're fun, quick reads that keep you entertained. Katniss is pretty bad ass and not at all whiny and annoying like Bella from Twilight (yes, I've read all of those too. Twice). I want all of my friends to read it so that we can debate over GALE vs. PEETA.

For the record, it's Peeta FOREVA.

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

This is the first in a series that was written by Gabaldon. While some of them are more interesting than others, this is my favorite of them all. It's a sweeping, romantic saga that, at some points, is downright pornographic. Although, I think I've seen it described on goodreads as a "bodice ripper". Give it a read, it's long (they all are. some painfully so), but definitely enjoyable.

throwback thursday #19

2011-12-22T11:14:00.001-05:00

Baby j.!

Not much has changed -- I still love accessories. Still wear leggings. Still have some junk in the trunk.

tunes tuesday: mariah!

2011-12-20T12:24:00.002-05:00

I don't know what it is but this year I am just overflowing with Christmas spirit. I'm just giddy and I almost gave money to a really sweet looking Salvation Army bell ringer. That was, until I remember that the organization has a history of homophobic practices, but I digress.. I've spent so much time putting together gifts for people. I just want to give them all out RIGHT NOW just so I can see their reactions when they open them up. And listening to this song just makes me want to deck the halls and all that jazz.

Also, Happy Chanukah to my Jewish pals! I hope you have eight crazy nights!

week one

2011-12-18T18:35:00.000-05:00

There was once a time where I was in great running shape. I could, on a whim, decide to run a half marathon and wouldn't feel like death. I also hadn't just had surgery and recurring knee and hamstring issues. However, those days have come and gone. Now I'm starting from scratch for the Hyannis Half that's at the end of February. It will be lucky #8.. or something like that.

Here's my week in review:

I should have run on Friday or Saturday. But.. I didn't. Oops. I also think I was a little ambitious today - ran (two mile to the start and then the Yulefest 5k - which I'll recap this week) and then about an hour and a half of climbing. I'm definitely going to try to keep my long runs on Saturday so that I'm not exhausted for climbing. But overall, I'd say it's a pretty good for week one.

throwback thursday #18

2011-12-15T20:22:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Facebook timeline, for allowing me to rediscover a whole slew of pictures that I don't ever remember taking. Case in point:

circa July 2006

I'm pretty sure this is the night that the bouncer sidled up to my friend and said "I'm not exactly kicking her out, but I think it's about time you take her home". All class all the time.

race report: santa sightings 5k

2011-12-12T14:20:00.002-05:00

I love a good schtick. So when I came across a 5k with a race fee that included a Santa suit, I just couldn't say no. And I managed to wrangle Jules and Laura into running with me. Everyone else who didn't want to do it? SCROOGES, I SAY. The race was at 11:00am this past Saturday. Not too bad, except for the fact that it was about 60 miles away. But, it was well worth it for the awesome felt Santa suit that I received. As you can see, mine fit perfectly:

I gave Laura a hard time about running in the whole get-up. But I really regretted that after I managed to break the drawstring on my pants within five minutes. She actually had to tie me into them, because she knew that if she didn't I'd take them off and conveniently "misplace" them. I have to say, kudos to her, because that it absolutely correct. Once I had the whole outfit on, I have to say I felt pretty jolly. And I definitely looked as though I had a belly full of jelly.

Laura and I found Jules and Dutch prior to the start of the race and of course, we couldn't resist taking many pictures in our wonderful, awesome, luxurious Santa suits. My first reaction when I saw this picture is "God, I look fat". And then I had to remind myself that I was essentially wearing two sets of clothing.

Now on to the actual race! It was an incredibly fun race. There's nothing better than bobbing Santa hats as far as the eye can see. There were Christmas carols being sung and everyone seemed to be having a wonderful time. It was definitely a HILLY 5k, though. Towards the end we ran up a mountain of cobblestones only to run back DOWN them shortly after. I kept thinking to myself, "Wow, I bet my PT is going to regret telling me I should run this race!". I was sweating profusely due to wearing winter running pants and a long sleeved shirt under my felt costume. In case you were wondering: felt doesn't breathe very well. Or at all. The distance was short (my Garmin said 2.89 miles), but who cares? WE WERE DASHING THROUGH THE SNOW (ok, there wasn't any snow) and I enjoyed every second! Ok, I didn't really enjoy the parts where we were running up the hills, or when I was sweating profusely. But I did like everything else.

I managed to lose my belt as I crossed the finish line. My pants literally disintegrated shortly after this picture was taken. Success.

friday five

2011-12-09T15:18:00.000-05:00

1. My knee is feeling a lot better right now. My right hamstring was a hot mess after Tuesday's chiro appointment, but that seems to have subsided as well. For now. My physical therapist's theory is that my flat ass feet are the root of all my problems. So I'm doing exercises to strengthen my feet, arches and ankles. My chiro thinks that activities involving torque are inflaming my knee/hamstring/calf. So basically, everyone has an opinion about what's wrong with me. I don't care who's right as long as I'm eventually pain-free. One good thing is that I was told that I don't need to cut out any particular activities right now, only to be really careful when I'm doing things such as lunges and squats. I can totally deal with that. For now.

2. I'm still all about the indoor rock climbing. The feeling of conquering a route that you were previously unable to do - it's thrilling. I'm just about ready to invest in some sneakers, a harness, and especially a chalk bag (so I can stop stealing from Lu). It's definitely a worthwhile investment. I demo'd new shoes yesterday and definitely noticed a difference in my climbing. It was so much easier to get a grip and wedge my feet into the holds.

3. Tomorrow I'm running the Santa Sightings 5k. I think I've mentioned it once or twice, probably because I was so excited that the race registration included a santa suit. I'm going to be running with Juls and Laura. Actually, my PT told me about the race and we're going to try to coordinate and meet up before. At my appointment the other day I asked if I was okay to run. When she said yes I laughed and replired, "Well, good. Now I don't have to hide from you at the race on Saturday!".

4. I'm 9 days candy-free! Oh yeeeeeaa. My goal is to abstain from eating any candy for the month of December. So far, so good. Wish me luck for the holidays, I will definitely need it.

5. I came home on Wednesday night and my knee and hamstring were killing me. The pain was really awful, so I decided to take a percocet (left over from my knee surgery). I was chillin', chillin' just minding my business (get the song reference?) and I soon realized that my iPhone was nowhere to be found. I ripped my apartment apart before collapsing into a heap of screaming tears on my floor. My phone ended up being in my friend's car. Moral of the story: don't take percocet. Or, maybe it should be don't lose your phone. Either one works.

tunes thursday: matt nathanson edition

2011-12-08T12:29:00.002-05:00

"i kept falling over
  i kept looking backward
  i went broke believing
that the simple should be hard"

matt nathanson

craftin' and brunchin'

2011-12-06T12:52:00.000-05:00

I was browsing Etsy the other day and came across some really neat race medal hangers. I was thisclose to buying one when I realized, HEY! I could totally make that myself. So, I asked Emma, Danielle and Ashley to join me for some craftin' and brunchin'. We spent an absurd amount of time at the craft store discussing our plan of attack, and then went back to devour a delicious brunch. I ate my weight in bacon, but it's cool - it's from Whole Foods, which means it's good for you, right? Oh, and what would a brunch be without some mimosas? I know how to treat my ladies:

It was nice enough to be outside, so we set up a drop cloth (EXCELLENT CALL) on Emma's back porch and went to work. My wood was quite porous (snort giggle) so it took at least three coats of paint before I felt satisfied enough to start with the stenciling.

Hello Mr. Mimosa!

Because I was impatient (story of my life), I didn't wait long enough for the paint to fully dry and therefore it was difficult to get the stenciling right. I also am terrible with spacial relationships so I was just sort of throwing the letters down and hoping it would all fit. The spacing was a little wonky, but it worked out well enough!

Emma was kind enough to measure and drill the holes for my hooks. She was probably afraid I'd drill a hole through her deck. I cannot say that I blame her, considering how much paint I managed to get on myself in the process of this project. Once the hooks were in, we all ooh-ed and ahh-ed over each other's brilliant work.

They're not perfect, but I LOVE how each one reflects our personalities. Maybe we could have purchased better looking ones on Etsy, but it wouldn't have come with the mimosas! We laughed. We listened to music. We got paint EVERYWHERE. We used power tools. It was epic. And now I'll always have this to remind me of my race accomplishments and of the wonderful day:

seriously?

2011-12-02T16:06:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty active these days.. and the knee was feeling perfect! Well, until Saturday. I took a Core Fusion class (which was actually UH-MAZING) and there were certain exercises that just.. didn't feel quite right. It was mostly lateral movements, but I chalked it up to just being out of shape and sore. Fast forward to today, my knee is still hurting. And what's scaring me is that it's the same pain I was feeling when my meniscus was torn. So instead of panicking and throwing a chair out the window in anger, I decided to call up my chiropractor and make an appointment.

He did a lot of movement tests on my knee and is pretty sure that it's not my meniscus again. HOWEVER, my symptoms last time were so atypical that he can't say that without any certainty. He also assessed my right leg and said that basically everything from my hips and glutes to my calves are TIGHT. But only on the outer side, which he can't really explain. So he spent the session going to TOWN on.. basically everything. I jokingly said "Wow, I'm just a big ol' mess, aren't I?" and he looked me straight in the face and replied "For a 27 year old.. pretty much". AWESOME, right?

I'm trying to stay calm. I'm trying to tell myself that even I, the clumsiest bitch on the block, could not have re-torn my meniscus in this amount of time without some sort of an incident. I haven't fallen, knee hasn't locked - nothing like that. My chiro suspects that I have a biomechanical imbalance and that we need to find that and correct it. Once that's done, I should be pain-free. He made it sound so simple! Like, let's find this tiny needle in the huge ass haystack that is your body (yes, I just compared myself to dead grass) and then you'll be good to go!!

So, the next step is to have him continue to treat me, and also to have an evaluation with my physical therapist. I'm also not supposed to run until I see him on Wednesday. I also have the Santa Sightings 5k on the 10th and DAMNIT I am going to run that race dressed up like old Saint Nick. Mark my words. If we don't see improvement quickly, then he is going to recommend another MRI (although he called it imaging, which sounded way more romantic).

That's the story, folks. Please send some positive vibes my way, I could use them to hold me over until Wednesday.

mr. rochester

2011-11-29T21:49:00.001-05:00

"Because," he said, "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you — especially when you are near to me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land, come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapped; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly." 

Mr. Rochester - Jane Eyre 

new york state of mind

2011-11-28T13:04:00.000-05:00

I'm going to apologize in advance for the length of this blog entry. Being succinct is not one of my strengths (actually, I don't even try at this point). You probably don't need to know every detail about the weekend, but I'm going to write it anyway because, well, that's what I do. Enjoy.

I had such a wonderful time seeing my family and friends in Queens this past weekend. Normally I'm only home for a couple of days, so there's no time to do much of anything. But I took Wednesday off so I wouldn't be stressed or hit holiday traffic. I left at around 10:00am and it was smooth sailing down to New York. I spent Wednesday night shopping and hanging out with my family, and eating bagels. Because it's impossible for me to enter the Empire State without consuming a million calories in straight up carbs. Oh, and I also got my eyebrows done. I was actually ordered to get them done by my mother. Well, at least they look awesome now. Who needs pride when you've got awesome arches?

Thursday morning I was up bright and early to run the Garden City turkey trot with my friend Meredith. This is the third year I've done the race and the second we've done it together. I definitely overdressed. Mostly because I had my insane father telling me how cold it was outside. Filthy liar. I was sweating like a whore in church the entire time! Luckily I had some good company to keep my mind off of that fact. The race wasn't exciting enough for a full race recap, but we managed to finish in 51:30. Last year's time was much faster, but then again, last year I hadn't been 3 months post-op from knee surgery.


winner, winner.. turkey dinner? sure.

Thanksgiving with my family was hilarious, as per usual. A quick rundown of the afternoon: My aunt discussed her trials and tribulations on J-Date. My grandmother may or may not have been stoned from one of her many prescriptions. Oh, and my poppy tried to sneak attack me with to check my blood sugar. Seriously, I turned around and he was stealthily heading my way with a needle in his hand. I'm sure you're asking yourself why, but really, in my family it's safer not to ask any questions.

Friday I spent the afternoon catching up with my best friend, which was wonderful. It always is. Then I got my hair did, which wasn't traumatizing -- thank goodness. I went to the stylist who cut my hair for the first 21 years of my life. I knew that she wouldn't steer me wrong. I also did some shopping and managed to avoid being pepper sprayed or punched. Although a woman did rip a sweater right out of my hands at the Gap. I may or may not have yelled "It won't look good on you anyway!". Oopsies.

Saturday was an super fun and very long day in the city. I started off with an awesome Core Fusion Cardio class with my Dori before heading off to Century 21 for some more shopping. That was a huge mistake, by the way. I'd like to think that I'm rather used to crowds, but I was so anxious and stressed the entire time that I ended up buying this god-awful bag that my mother is going to return for me. Seriously, I brought it home and my mother's reaction was "NO. Just.. No". I spent the evening with two great friends. We took funny pictures of ourselves, ate until our pants felt tight, and laughed until we couldn't breathe. Perfect.

Sunday was spent with Mamadukes. We went shopping, where she helped me pick out sunglasses, and another purse that didn't make either of us want to puke. Then I headed into the city with her to do some shopping for her business. I didn't end up leaving New York until 7:00pm and of course I cried like a big baby when I did. Most days I just live my life and I'm happy. But then when I spend time with my family and friends in Queens, it makes me realize what I miss by living 200 miles away.

How was your Thanksgiving weekend? Any insane family stories? Any good Black Friday hauls? Or tell me about how you cope with living far away from your families so that I feel like less of a crybaby.

wordless wednesday

2011-11-23T14:56:00.004-05:00

back in the saddle -- er, running sneakers

2011-11-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

All I wanted during the dark time (aka when I was injured) was to be able to run. Now that I'm all fixed up (well, physically) - getting myself out the door with my running sneakers has been almost impossible. I think I can count on two hands the number of runs I've done since my surgery in August. Of course I've still been active - mostly with spinning, rock climbing, and fighter fitness. It hasn't been much of a problem, because, in the near future all I've got on the schedule is a handful of 5m/k races. Except, I've signed up for the Hyannis half on February 26th, which is just under 14 weeks away.

I'm nervous that I'm going to be overwhelmed with all of my activities once I start training. Before the injury, running was my main form of exercise - and everything else was just extra. It also gets dark pretty much after lunch, so I'm going to have to make nicey nice with the dreadmill. I'm also going to have to think long and hard about how I can structure my weeks so that I can still have fun while training for (my eighth!) half marathon. Ever a type-A list maker, I think that the only way to stay sane is to plan out my workouts in advance. It will probably look something like this:

Monday: Fighter Fitness (crossfit/kickboxing type class)
Tuesday: Easy Run
Wednesday: Rock Climbing or Spinning
Thursday: Tempo Run
Friday: Rest
Saturday: Long Run
Sunday: Rock Climbing

I'm also playing around with the idea of doubling up on Sunday and maybe doing an easy run in the morning since I've found that my legs don't suffer nearly as much as my arms and shoulders do while climbing. Then, I'd have two rest days, and give myself some time to recover from the beating of climbing and fighter fitness in two consecutive days. Just to give you an idea of what fighter fitness really is -- I've almost thrown up several times. You know what's stopped me? The sign on the wall that says if you get any fluids on that mats, that you have to clean it up yourself. You know what would be more embarrassing than puking in front of an entire gym of people? Having to clean up said vomit in front of a gym full of people. So why do I do it? I guess I'm just a big ol' masochist.

How do you juggle it all while training? Do you double up on workouts? Does it make you want to die? Do you still have a social life? Do you find yourself wanting/needing to go to bed at 8pm every night or hating your life?

what i love wednesday

2011-11-16T18:31:00.001-05:00

indoor rock climbing!

I finally gave it a try two Sundays ago. Imagine my surprise (and glee!) when Lu told me that I was a natural climber (hey, they don't call me monkey for nothing). I've gone four times and I. Love. It. It actually reminds me a lot of running - it's something you can do in a group, but in the end it's just you and the wall. And I think that it's a great complement to running. Despite feeling like my arms, shoulders and back have been run over by a truck, my legs are feeling just fine.

the dorcester

Highland Kitchen is my neighborhood bar. It is LITERALLY two doors down from my apartment and I have no qualms about going there after a workout, or even in pajama pants. It's MY bar, and damnit, I'll wear what I like. It's an amazing bar, and they have excellent food to boot. The Dorcester is not a new drink, but it's definitely new to me. I discovered it a few weeks ago while celebrating my new job. It was a wonderful evening.. even if I don't remember how I got home.

Here's the recipe:

1 1/2 oz vodka

1/4 oz triple sec

6-8 oz pink lemonade

1 slice of cucumber

1 12-14 oz glass

Place cucumber slice in glass, fill with ice. Pour all the ingredients in. Pass (pass is not shaking. It is just pouring the contents of one glass into another. Gentler than shaking, it is meant to combine the ingredients, as opposed to combining and chilling, which is the purpose of shaking and stirring.)

Drink. Black out. (oh wait, that's just me)

twilight

Yes. I said it. I LOVE TWILIGHT (and other assorted young adult fiction series). I'm going with a rather large group to see the movie on Sunday afternoon and you BEST believe that I will be wearing my Team Jacob t-shirt. All you Edward lovers better step the hell off.

amazing saturday adventures

2011-11-12T15:26:00.001-05:00

Guess what I did today! And if you follow me on twitter or Facebook, then you probably already know. But I went to an open casting call for The Amazing Race! I've talked about being on The Amazing Race for YEARS! (edit: WOW, could I have used any more exclamation points? Excited much?) I always joke with my friend David that if I were to go on the show, I'd have to learn stick because they ALWAYS drive manual cars when they're in foreign countries. Actually, I first wanted to be on Road Rules but then they canceled it, and besides, MTV doesn't cast anyone over the age of 22 for their shows. Anyway, I digress..

Doors opened at 9am and the website said explicitly that there was NO overnight camping and that no one would be allowed on the premises until 8:30am. When we got there at around 8:15 there were already around 100 people in line. We overheard people saying that others had camped out and security guards left them because "there weren't too many". It was annoying and a bit unfair - especially since it was REALLY cold this morning. Luckily, Luella and I made some friends and it did warm up a lot.

Most of the morning was spent standing in line, chatting with the people around us, and listening to music on my iPhone. By the time we got inside people were wrapped all the way around the building. And to give reference, it's a rather large furniture store - so try to imagine how many people were there to create such a line. This is just the line of people on one side of the building:

Yowzas.

Lu and I decided to wear our kickball t-shirts, since that is how we first met, as well as baseball hats for our respective teams (she represented the Sox, while I obviously wore my Yanks garb) to make a statement. Walking to the back of the line, we got a few comments from people who said "Nice hats.. that's a pretty good idea". The point is to get noticed, right?

My head is not that big, my cap was just falling off!

After almost three hours of waiting, we finally made it inside! We handed over our waivers and were given the number 3 (the camera we were supposed to go to). The woman gave us a quick rundown - we had ONE MINUTE to state our case. We had to start with our names, and then we could say whatever we wanted. The minute went by SO quickly, I barely remember what we said. We did talk about how we'd be great on the show because we push one another and when all else fails, that we are able to laugh at ourselves and our situations. We gave it our best shot in the time we had, and even though I'm sure we won't get called, it was still a ton of fun.

Have you ever tried our for a reality tv show? Or know anyone who has been on one? Tell me about it!

tunes tuesday

2011-11-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

"cause I can't make you love me if you don't

you can't make your heart feel something it don't

here in the dark, in these final hours

i will lay down my head and i will feel the power

but you won't, no, you won't"

new beginnings

2011-11-06T11:44:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, I was going to be a lawyer. The plan was to go to college in Boston, attend law school in New York, get married and light the world on fire, Law and Order style. Unfortunately, I was rejected from every school to which I applied, and all of a sudden I realized that maybe I'm not as brilliant as I once thought. A few weeks before moving back home, to do.. nothing, I decided to stay in Boston. I didn't have a job. Or an apartment. Or a plan. But I was fueled by tequila. A lot of it.

I had started a temp job the day after graduation at a university in the Boston-area. When I told them about my plans to stay in the area, they jumped at the chance to hire me. Within a few weeks, I had been hired full-time as an administrative assistant. I took on more responsibility and really felt like I was growing professionally and was promoted in September 2008. I loved what I was doing and really appreciated the flexible work hours, vacation time and other benefits. And then, back in January, I had a new boss. It was great.. at first. It didn't take me very long to realize that we have absolutely opposite working styles. Ever since then, it's been an absolute roller coaster, with everything coming to a head a few weeks ago. It became really clear to me that I needed to move on.

Within a week I had interviewed and accepted a position within the same university. It's not my ideal job, and it's not forever. But it's a chance to start over. My new boss has sent me emails telling me how much he's looking forward to working with me. I can't tell you the last time I've been excited to go to work. Most of what I've felt in the last few months is dread and panic - and as though I've failed before I've even walked in the door. It's such an awful feeling.

Monday is my last day at the office where I have worked since May 2006. Thinking about it makes me want to puke, but I'm so hopeful that this new job will be a step in the right direction for me professionally and emotionally.

Tell me about your own new beginnings!

three things thursday: race edition

2011-11-03T22:40:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd share the three races that I'll be running in the next few months. I may not be as fast as I was before the injury and subsequent surgery, but it feels AMAZING to be healthy enough to sign up for races longer than a 5k. And all of this only 10 weeks after knee surgery. I'm truly proud of myself and the progress I've made. Okay, enough patting myself on the back..

1. Garden City Turkey Trot - This will be the third year participating. The first year I made the mistake of trying to make it a family activity. You know how well that worked out? So well, in fact, that when I asked them to do it last year they laughed in my face. Same goes for this year. My friend Meredith lives on Long Island and she did the race with me last year and she'll be my buddy again this year.

2. Santa Sightings 5k Run - This race looks AWESOME. The registration fee INCLUDES A SANTA SUIT. Need I say more? They're hoping to beat the current Guinness Book World Record of Largest gathering of Santa Claus', and damnit, I am going to do my part. I've managed to recruit Juls, and am hoping to get more friends to run. I have a feeling that this is the sort of activity that is more fun in large groups. Maybe followed by some beer. You know, to keep us jolly.

3. Hyannis Half Marathon - Despite the snow, and the fact that douchebag (now ex) manfriend almost ruined the weekend for me, it was an epic weekend. And it was also the last half marathon I ran before the infamous torn meniscus debacle. Registering for this race was a pretty easy decision. I'm not going in expecting a PR, but I am planning on having a ton of fun and celebrating my return to the half marathon circuit.

Do you have any races coming up? Let's talk about it!

here we go

2011-11-01T21:03:00.000-04:00

"i'm starting over so, here we go, here we go

if i fall way down would ya catch me

this old town, town has made a wretch of me"

-joshua radin, here we go

remember that time it snowed in october?

2011-10-30T12:36:00.000-04:00

Remember how I said I was falling in love with Boston all over again? Yea. That was before it snowed. IN OCTOBER. I spent most of yesterday holed up in my apartment, nursing a hangover (thank you celebratory beers and gin-based drinks, you served me well). I decided to venture out last night to get the ingredients for oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and this is what I found:

Seriously?

But, in case you were wondering, the cookies were totally worth it. It took everything I had not to dive face first into the cookie dough. Oh wait, I did do that.. but just for a second!

I was offered a free bib to the Superhero 5k race and decided, on a whim, to take it. Just three weeks ago I ran the Tufts 10k and I was so worried about being hot and getting a sunburn, as it was over 80 degrees. I remember running the race and being agitated that I was wearing a t-shirt instead of a tank top. And today I had to figure out how many layers I would need in order to run a 5k when the realfeel was TWENTY DEGREES. Yes, you read correctly. Below freezing. On October 30th.

I woke up this morning, freezing and with oatmeal cookie crumbs all over my face. Yea, this girl went hard in the kitchen last night. I decided on tights, a tank a short sleeved shirt, sleeves, Lululemon pullover, ear warmers and a hat. I decided at the last minute to ditch the sleeves and gave them to my friend Laura to wear. Despite the frigid temps, I ended up being WAY too warm. I haven't run in these temperatures in a long time. I think that my fear of freezing to death made me forget that I like to be a little chilly and that my body gets REALLY warm when I run.

The race was a ton of fun - there were a lot of really great costumes out there. Laura and I decided that we were going to treat this as a fun run with no pressure. We also decided, at the last minute, to wear our respective baseball team hats. We went as good and evil, but who is good and who is evil is definitely still up for debate:

Guess my superhero powers interfered with my camera

We kept a comfortable pace and our splits were 10:14, 10:28 and 10:00. I'm still in awe every time I run and there's no knee pain. I LOVE being able to say that! This 5k was nowhere near a PR, but I'm getting stronger every day. And with that, I'm off to eat some more chocolate chip oatmeal cookies.

How was your Halloweekend?

womp womp

2011-10-27T20:57:00.000-04:00

god almighty i'm free at last

2011-10-25T19:56:00.001-04:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you know how stressed and upset I've been recently in regards to my job. And it's only gotten worse recently -- to the point where I was really questioning my job security. This led me to apply to as many jobs as I could find, because even a crappy job would have been better than no job. Last Monday morning, I received a call asking me to come in for an interview that day. From there everything happened at lightning speed. I was offered (and accepted!) the job yesterday afternoon and gave my two weeks notice today. It actually went much better than expected, and just as I thought, word traveled around the office quicker than the speed of light. My new job needs me right away, so unfortunately I won't get to take a break, but I'm hoping to take some time between Christmas and New Years Eve to relax and recharge.

Three cheers for new jobs! And even MORE for ones that offer you a 15% raise. BOOYAH.

In other, less exciting news, I'm in love with my iPhone. But more than that, I am flippin' UHHB-SESSED with instagram. I will not lie - before I got this phone I was all "WHY DO PEOPLE POST ALL OF THESE STUPID PICTURES?!", and then I downloaded the app and and I fell in love within minutes. So, instead of writing all about what I did with the rest of my weekend (other than getting drunk and putting on a lion costume). I have to tell you, I am falling in love with Boston all over again. Don't worry, it's just a side-effect of autumn. As soon as the blizzards come I will retract that statement and threaten to move to California.

is this my life?

2011-10-22T11:34:00.000-04:00

That card up there? That was my mentality going into last night. I regret that decision a little bit, as my brain is pulsing and I have the world's worst dry mouth. It's actually possible that I came home and swallowed an entire package of cotton balls (wasn't that an episode of Strange Addictions?). This is what happens when one drinks for 6+ hours. And then there are those times when you're having drinks with your girlfriends and someone just pulls out a lion costume. Because I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I'm doing a group costume again this year and I AM GOING AS THE COWARDLY LION. And then you put it on in the middle of the living room and it's not even a big deal. And then this happens:

And of course, my personal favorite.. I'm really pretty:

Too bad I didn't bring the costume to the next stop - which was apparently a muskrat party? I don't even know, except that I was practically blinded by flannel. And the girl whose house it was seemed to hate me. But, hey, no worries. With how it's been at work lately, I'm totally used to that feeling. All I know is that I just can't party like I used to, folks. It's not going to stop me from trying, but it will probably (slowly) kill me on the mornings after the fact.

I hope you all the rest of the weekend. I'm going to a pumpkin carving party today and I hope that my nerves aren't too shot. I'd hate to bludgeon myself with carving tools.

what i love wednesday

2011-10-19T00:16:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the lack of blog entries lately. Things at work have been.. challenging, to say the least. I've been coming home every day exhausted and it's hard to sit down and write anything else other than a string of expletives. But I thought I'd capitalize on my momentary good mood and write a little bit..

iphone!

I recently decided to separate my work and personal phones, which freed me up to get an iphone. I never thought that I'd be one of those.. but, alas I am now the proud owner of a white iphone 4. There was a lot of stress with switching my numbers which led to me possibly making an AT&T rep cry, and then eventually me back to the store. They had to return my phone and issue me a new one. And I STILL don't even have my old number back yet. That will be my task for the day.

topsfield fair!

A couple of weekends ago, Ashley and I ventured out to the topsfield fair. Let me tell you, my stomach is not what it used to be - two fair rides and my stomach was feeling miiightty precarious. Good thing we saved the heavy eating for after the rides. It would have been such a waste to throw up all that delicious fair food.

"weee! we're going to ride the pirate ship!"

"REAL PIRATE SHIPS SHOULDN'T DO THAT"

lonely island

I know that I'm late to the game but I cannot contain my hysterical giggles anytime I was a lonely island music video. I mean, how can you not die laughing when you watch this?

spinning

My gym has added so many great classes lately - one of which is spinning. I've been trying to go on Monday mornings at 6am which is painful and awesome all at the same time. I love that I've gotten my workout done before many people are even awake. And right now, I am painfully out of shape, so this is a workout that I can do while I'm getting back into running and other exercise.

tunes tuesday (on wednesday)

2011-10-12T08:15:00.001-04:00

"It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven."

-Ron Pope

the zsa zsa zu

2011-10-10T08:49:00.000-04:00

A few days ago I received an email asking if I've been dating. My first thought was "mother, is that you?". But then I remembered that she still uses her AOL for email, so the chances of her creating an anonymous account to chide me about (stagnant) love life were not entirely likely. And anyway, she'd probably do that in person, no need to be sneaky about it. I suppose since this blog is called "kissing frogs" that I should probably throw in a dude-story here and there.

I haven't been dating all that much, but I go on two dates with a gentleman from OKcupid a few weeks ago. Let's call him "the Officer". We emailed back and forth for a long time and we seemed to have so much in common. Our first date was great. The conversation was good and the Officer seemed to be a total gentleman. I thought I felt some sparks, although now I think that it was just the three craft beers that I had (oops, bad first date etiquette). Before we left the bar, he'd already asked me to hang out again, which I thought was sweet, and not something that I'm at all used to.

For our second date we watched a movie at his place. And he cooked me dinner! It was so cute, but I kept asking myself "do I want to make out with him?" and the answer was always the same: "not even if I was blackout drunk". We watched Monty Python. And listen, I know that people love it, but I found it to be the opposite of funny. It was actually painful to watch. I gave a few pity chuckles and he asked me four times if I wanted to watch something else and I was all "NO! NO! This is tootally fine! I like it! It's funny! See! Ha. Ha. Ha".

He was a great catch -- brilliant (like, graduated from college at 20 smart), ambitious, respectful and didn't do the bullshit game playing that I'm so used to. He was all of that, and yet I could not have been less interested in him. I didn't want him to hug me goodbye, let alone try to kiss me. It just goes to show you that being good on paper does not a relationship make. Of course life can't be easy - I'm not attracted to the great catch. It reminds me of that Sex and the City quote:

Carrie: Okay, let's say it's companionship. How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?
Charlotte: The what?
Carrie: That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn't that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.

Speaking of the zsa zsa zsu,I do have a monstrous, embarrassing, middle-school crush on a boy (er, man, I guess) from kickball. I have wittily dubbed him "kickball krush," or kk for short. He recently told me that I'm sassy and then challenged me to a karaoke duel and I just about melted. This past week we were standing by my car and I couldn't help myself from thinking "kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me KISS ME" over and over again. There are three more weeks of kickball, which means I've got three weeks to make him fall in like with me. I'm going to have to work on being charming, because really all I know how to do is be a sarcastic semi-bitch. Weirdly enough, they are not one in the same.

So that's my romantic life (or lack thereof) at the current moment. Hopefully there will be more to come on kk. And let's hope he never stumbles upon this blog, because that would totally ruin my chances of wooing him.

i just have a lot of feelings

2011-10-08T13:01:00.000-04:00

I'm 43 days post-op. Where does the time go? No, seriously, how is it already October?

Right now I'm sore from a pretty active week - PT on tuesday, LUNA Chix run on Wednesday, Core Fusion and then kickball on Thursday and spinning on Friday. I'm grateful for being sore because it means that I'm healed enough to be active. Every day I get a little stronger, and that's an amazing feeling. But I can't shake the disappointment over how out of shape I am right now. I'm really unhappy with the way I look, and how difficult I find some activities that used to come so easily. I know that it's not something that I was entirely in control of - I just couldn't exercise at the level I was used to while I was injured. I can't help but feel as though I've let myself go.

I thought that as soon as I was cleared to run I'd be out there on the road every day to make up for months of being sidelined. I have run a few times, and it's been pretty great. But I'm slow. And I get out of breath quickly after a few miles. I have put so much blood, sweat, tears and toenails into my training over the last few years that I'm honestly overwhelmed at the prospect of starting from scratch. And if I'm being honest, I'm really scared. I'm scared that I'm going to keep injuring myself and that I'll be back on the operating table getting my knee scoped again.

I also feel incredibly stupid for still being so upset over all of this. In the grand scheme of things, this has been four months out of my life, and it's not as though I had some life-threatening injury. People get hurt all the time, and they have worse surgeries and recoveries than mine. I know that I'm being a huge baby, but I don't know how to get over this fear - the fear of getting hurt again or the fear of failing. I just don't feel like a runner right now. I don't know what's wrong with me! My knee is fixed! I'm healed (or almost fully so)! So why do I still feel like a failure? I want to feel like this again:

Talk to me about your injuries. Did you have difficulties coming back - physically or emotionally? Please tell me that I'm not crazy for feeling like this. Or tell me that I'm a crazy bitch and that I should just shut up, put on my running sneakers, and get out there. Either one works.

lolcats are back!

2011-10-07T11:15:00.000-04:00

And are eating popsicles! This .gif is actually making me a little uncomfortable, but not so much so that I won't post it. HAPPY FRIDAY!

throwback thursday #17

2011-10-06T09:39:00.002-04:00

This picture cause my mother to tell me that I sometimes look butch and to ask if I was a lesbian. Because, she and my dad had talked about it, and they would totally be okay with if it I liked girls. Ahh.. memories.

tell by my attitude that i'm most definitely from NY

2011-10-05T13:46:00.002-04:00

I made an impromptu trip down to New York this weekend. The goal was to go to Game 2 of the ALDS (GO YANKEES!) and of course, see my family. Within the span of a couple of hours I had coordinated the schedules and transportation for my dad and two brothers, purchased the tickets, booked a bus ticket, and even figured out the outfit I'd wear to the game. Event planning guru, at your service. Of course, Friday's game was rained out so game two was moved from Saturday evening to Sunday afternoon. This threw a bit of a wrench in the plans because it meant that I'd have to leave early to catch my 8:10pm bus because the only other option was 11:00pm. Getting off a bus at 3:30am before a full day of work? NO THANK YOU.

The bus ride down was fairly uneventful. I bet it helped that I had something pretty awesome to look forward to.. dinner with one of my faves, Natalie. It's been so long since we've seen each other in person that I made sure to send a picture in advance to avoid the awkwardness of her not recognizing me (KIDDING, but I did still send this picture). We had a lovely evening of sushi, ice cream, and me almost getting punched in the face by a stranger for being a sassy bitch. Pretty much par for the course, I'd say.

The game on Sunday was amazing. And not because the Yankees won (they didn't), and not because the new stadium is epic (it is). It was fantastic because I was able to spend time with my dad and brothers, something I don't get to do all that much of due to living 220 miles away. It almost made up for the heinous ride back to Boston. I was a zombie on Monday morning but it was definitely worth it.

What can I say? I'm a total daddy's girl..

how i feel most days

2011-10-03T14:37:00.000-04:00

what i love wednesday

2011-09-28T20:11:00.000-04:00

(stole the idea for the post from Danielle, thanks lady!)

RUNNING!

Tonight I ran 3.35 miles! With no walking breaks! And no pain! It didn't feel easy, which is a huge adjustment for me. 3 miles used to be considered my warm-up. But I'm trying to come to grips with the reality that I am basically starting over. And that's okay. I taught myself to run once, I can definitely do it again, right? Running, baby, I'm coming back to you! Get ready for me.

My LUNA Chix. These ladies are amazing. They have been so supportive throughout my entire injury, surgery and now recovery. And after a really awful few days at work, it was really cathartic to joke and laugh during tonight's run

KINDLE FIRE! I never thought I'd jump on the e-reader bandwagon but this bad boy seems pretty awesome. I won't receive it until mid-November, but I'm really looking forward to not hauling 800 page hardcover books with me to and from work.

Lululemon Vinyasa Scarf. This is the latest addition to my ever-growing scarf collection. It's so versatile and soft. I'm a whore for Lululemon and proud of it.

Photo by: Alex McLean, Landslides

The Esplanade! This picture shows part of my running route for my Wednesday night Luna runs. I've run along the Charles River about a million times and I never get tired of it. I really love that Boston is such a runner's city.

misery

2011-09-27T20:59:00.000-04:00

music makes me lose control

2011-09-26T10:03:00.000-04:00

I haven't been to the gym all that much since the injury almost four months ago. I tried to stay active with biking and swimming, but it meant that Peter Gabriel (my iPod shuffle) has been mostly unused for that period. Funny how the lack of shuffle usage is directly linked with the tightness , but I digress.. I found out last week that I can start running again (slowly, with walking breaks, blah blah blah)!! To celebrate, yesterday I went out and bought some sweet new running sneakers and decided to give the Gabe some much-deserved love. I spent a couple of hours downloading new songs and making sure that every song on my shuffle was awesome.

And with that, I wanted to share my ultimate running playlist. Don't judge me too harshly (Willow Smith. Whatever, I like to whip my hair back and forth). But I want to know what your favorite workout/running songs. You know, the songs that keep you pumped when you're exhausted, thirsty and have had to pee for an hour. Spill it!

take me out to the ball game

2011-09-25T17:00:00.002-04:00

Having been born and raised in Queens, I don't remember ever going to a sporting event and hearing "RED SOX SUCK," but it's something you hear EVERYWHERE in New England. I've heard the "Yankees suck" chant while at a Bruins, Celtics and Patriots game. Oh, once it was even being repeated at a Bon Jovi concert at the Garden. When people ask me what it's like to be a Yankee fan in New England I simply say that it's pretty much like living in enemy territory. And since I have a big mouth, and it's even bigger when I've been drinking, it has led me to some.. how do you say.. verbal fisticuffs? It doesn't help that when I get drunk I forget that I'm only 5'3" and try to pick fights with grown men.

Remember when the Pats one the Superbowl the year that Janet Jackson flashed her nip to all of America? Well, I was outside with the crowd after and someone started that chant and I decided to stick my finger in his stomach and say "Don't you know that the Yankees play baseball and that we're talking about football?!" This was followed by some expletives (mostly on my part, I think) and finally I remember being hauled away by a guy friend. He picked me up like a rag doll and I kicked and screamed and told him to let me go so I could go "kick some serious ass". Hmm. right. Let's blame it on the a a a a a alcohol? Sure.

Now that I'm older and (slightly) wiser, I try not to pick (too many) fights with my friends who are Red Sox fans. I do get a little mouthy on Twitter, and if I've been drinking. But, I will always respect a fan (for any sport) who can stick by their team for better or for worse. I don't appreciate bandwagon fans and I will forever judge people who wear their team's hats in pink, and no matter how long I live in Boston, I will always bleed blue and white pinstripes.

Tell me about your team. The one you love to hate, the one that can make you happy and miserable all within the same game.

dress you up in my love

2011-09-22T00:55:00.000-04:00

I love, love, love wearing dresses. Generally I find them to be more flattering than pants, mostly because I'm bigger on the bottom ('sup junk in the trunk?!). It's a way for me to accent my small-ish waist and my boobs. Because, if you're got 'em, you should flaunt 'em, right? I'm not overwhelmingly girly, but I like ruffles, and patterns - nothing too big, because I don't want to it to overwhelm me, or make me look bigger than I am - just enough to be eye-catching and cute.

I bet that some of these dresses would go very well with those awesome cardigans - some of which I already own!

dress you up in my love by jkny21 featuring a cap sleeve dress

J Crew three quarter sleeve dress
$198 - jcrew.com

J Crew short sleeve dress
$148 - jcrew.com

J Crew travel dress
$90 - jcrew.com

J Crew cap sleeve dress
$138 - jcrew.com

Emily and Fin pocket dress
$100 - modcloth.com

J Crew sleeveless knit dress
$50 - jcrew.com

Sugarhill Boutique dress
$78 - modcloth.com

GAP sleeveless dress
$60 - gap.com

Dress
$45 - modcloth.com

Old Navy scoop neck dress
$23 - oldnavy.gap.com

Old Navy sweetheart neckline dress
$15 - oldnavy.gap.com

Old Navy tee shirt dress
$35 - oldnavy.gap.com

Old Navy sweetheart neckline dress
$31 - oldnavy.gap.com

Forever21 sleeved dress
$25 - forever21.com

Forever21 scoop neck dress
$25 - forever21.com

Forever21 sleeveless dress
$25 - forever21.com

Forever21 short sleeve lace dress
$23 - forever21.com

Forever21 dress
$23 - forever21.com

Pointelle Variations Sweaterdress - Anthropologie.com
$178 - anthropologie.com

Banana republic
$100 - bananarepublic.gap.com

Banana Republic The Mad MenÂ Collection Begonia Print Dress
$90 - bananarepublic.gap.com

Women's dresses - wear to work - Workday dress in superfine cotton -...
$120 - jcrew.com

sale - AllProducts - Caroline dress in ikat - J.Crew
$60 - jcrew.com

Add Friend Dress | Mod Retro Vintage Printed Dresses | ModCloth.com
$53 - modcloth.com

Dress - 2000032080
$25 - forever21.com

put a smile on your face, make the world a better place

2011-09-21T13:53:00.000-04:00

You know what? It's been a straight up shitty week. I'm stressed, exhausted, and I've cried way too much. I've also had a headache since, oh.. Sunday night. BUT! Instead of focusing on the negatives (aka what I normally do), I'm going to share some with you some accomplishments and things that have made me smile recently

This past Saturday I rode 20 miles on the bike. By myself! That may not be much of an accomplishment for anyone else, but it's the longest I've been on the bike without someone else to entertain me. I was le tired by the end, but very proud of myself.

i was all over the place!

In addition to biking 20 miles, I went finally grew a pair and biked over the Mass Ave bridge. For those of you who don't live in Boston, this bridge is a little over 1/3 of a mile long and there is ALWAYS a ton of traffic. It was scary but I conquered it! Now I don't have to restrict myself to riding on this side of the river.

the bridge in question

One of my good friends asked me to be in her bridal party. Of course I said yes! And she really won me over when she uttered the words "J.Crew bridesmaid dress". At least I don't have to worry about having another seamstress tell me that my hips are "larger than standard". Once in my life is quite enough.

My lovely, wonderful physical therapist told me that I can.. are you ready for this? Maybe you should sit down.. I CAN START RUNNING AGAIN. Today we did a lot of strength work and as I was leaving she said "So, why don't you try running for 5 minutes at a time and see how that goes? It will probably feel weird, but give it a go and let me know how it is." I could barely contain my excitement.

So tell me, what has made YOU smile lately? I want to hear it!

someone sing this song to me, please?

2011-09-20T11:03:00.000-04:00

"you don't need to change
a thing about you babe
i'm telling you from where i sit
you're one of a kind


relationships i don't know why
they never work out and they make you cry
but the guy that says goodbye to you
is out of his mind, his mind"

Griffin House - The Guy Who Says Goodbye to You Is Out of His Mind

wisdom

2011-09-19T15:25:00.001-04:00

race report: mmrf 5k

2011-09-18T09:48:00.003-04:00

Back before I knew I needed surgery, and everyone was trying to put me off from the idea of getting an MRI, my doctors all thought I had a hamstring strain. I thought that I'd be up and running by September 17 - the date of the MMRF Race for Research 5k - because that that point it seemed so far away. As I've explained before, this race has a very special place in my heart, as my uncle passed away from complications of multiple myeloma back in June 2009. This was the fourth year that I would be participating in the race but being only 3 weeks (and one day!) post-op, I knew that running was likely not going to happen. So I talked to my fellow LUNA Chix, Danielle and Ashley (who had signed up as well) and we decided that we could power walk the race.

I love doing 5k's in South Boston. The route that this race takes is an out and back along the water. And the crowd this year was bigger and more excited than ever. There were many runners, but there were also tons of walkers who were there in honor of their loved ones. We laughed and chatted the entire race, something that I don't normally have the breath for when I'm actually running in a race. We had made an arbitrary goal to finish in 45 minutes - sure, why not!' But wait, not before we snapped a picture or two:

After the halfway point, we decided to try doing some intervals. It was decided that if I, the surgeried one, could run for 5 minutes at a time, then Danielle and Ashley had to as well. And you know what? I ran for 5 minutes! Twice! Seems silly to be excited about that, but it felt so good to be moving again. There was some slight pain in the front of my knee, but it seemed to be right near my incisions and I have a feeling it could be some scar tissue or residual swelling. We crossed the finish line laughing, holding hands and in 44:00 minutes. YEA BOY. And then we celebrated by taking more pictures. Because you know what? Completing a 5k a mere 22 days after knee surgery is a big deal.

cardigan love

2011-09-16T21:24:00.010-04:00

Sorry about the tons of random dress posts. I didn't realize that it was doing so directly from polyvore. Thanks for all of the heads up and I've finally sorted it out! Thanks all. --

I mentioned my fall shopping on twitter today and I've gotten a few requests to post what I am/will be wearing. To be honest, I am no fashionista, and I do mostly dress for comfort, but I have my shining moments. And since anyone who knows me knows that I am a whore to cardigans, I decided to there. I've also realized that there are some that I've had for YEARS and it's obvious that their time has come and gone. I suppose that means I'll have to do some shopping. You know what? Life is tough sometimes.

I know that it's fall and that means neutrals but I am LOVING colors such as bright orange and pink as well. I'm also totally feeling things that look textured. I actually bought three of these cardigans today, thank you J.Crew! I'm the soon-to-be proud owner of the pink (top row), striped (second row) and green zip up (second row). The problem with online shopping is that I can't have them RIGHT AWAY. I'm so impatient.

So, what do you think? What are YOU going to be wearing this fall?

cardigan love by jkny21 featuring draped tops

Cardigan
$465 - jcrew.com

J Crew cable sweater
$325 - jcrew.com

Button front cardigan
$111 - anthropologie.com

Cardigan
$118 - anthropologie.com

J Crew merino wool cardigan
$90 - jcrew.com

Draped top
$75 - modcloth.com

J crew cardigan
$42 - jcrew.com

Heart sweater
$65 - modcloth.com

Zara short sweater
$60 - zara.com

J Crew knit v neck sweater
$60 - jcrew.com

Hoody
$42 - jcrew.com

Forever21 knit top
$35 - forever21.com

Forever21 cotton crew neck sweater
$25 - forever21.com

Forever21 striped top
$12 - forever21.com

CABLE STITCHED DINNER JACKET - Collection - Knitwear - Collection -...
$80 - zara.com

Factory's Women - New Arrivals - Factory chunky zip-front...
$65 - jcrew.com

bad day

2011-09-15T08:23:00.001-04:00

had a bad day again 
said i would not understand 
left a note and said, "i'm sorry i 
had a bad day again"

 Fuel - Bad Day

adventuring

2011-09-14T12:27:00.000-04:00

Last week I decided that I needed an adventure. After a quick post on Facebook, some internet sleuthing, and an email to my physical therapist, it was decided that my friend Laura and I would drive down the Cape Cod for a ride on the Cape Cod Rail Trail. It's a 28 mile path that runs from Dennis to Wellfleet.

We biked from Dennis and all the way through to Orleans. BAD ASS!

When my phyiscal therapist said "SURE! You can totally bike, just stretch and ice before and after," I don't quite think she realized what I'd be doing. And what did I end up doing, do you ask? Oh, well, first we rode for 15 miles. That was pretty awesome. And then we stopped at this amazing taqueria called El Guapo's. Because you know what? When you're halfway through a 30 mile ride you have absolutely earned a chicken taco and sangria that you drink out of a Pepsi cup.

There was also live music, which was great to listen to while we relaxed (and drank)

And a chalkboard where I was able to display my love for both Laura and the Cape Cod Rail Trail.

We left feeling refreshed, and probably slightly tipsy. As we hopped back on our bikes, giggling like fools, Laura aptly said "We have 8 miles to sober up!". Actually, it ended up being 15, because I decided that if we had driven all this way then we should definitely end on a nice even mileage of 30. Logical, right? Especially 15 days post-op. While I felt great in terms of my knee for most of the ride, by the last five miles I was definitely lagging energy-wise. My PT had also slightly killed me the day before with squats and lunges and I was feeling it in every part of my leg. As much as I was sad for the ride to end, I was very excited to make it back to the car. Despite being exhausted on the way home, we managed to have an epic Mariah Carey-a-thon.Our conclusion? There's no such thing as too much Mariah. Ever.

i'm (no longer surgically) a mess part 10!

2011-09-13T19:20:00.002-04:00

Has it seriously been almost three weeks since my surgery? Damn, time sure does fly.

Today marks an epic day. Partly because I had my stitches removed! Any day that I get to see my dreamy orthopedic surgeon is splendid, even if he is coming at me with scissors. He seemed pretty impressed that I was walking so well, and said that the swelling in my knee is mostly gone. Of course I couldn't miss the opportunity to ask "So doc, when can I run again?". He told me that in a week or so I can venture onto the treadmill or a rubberized track and give it a try. I think that the words "TAKE IT EASY" and "GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK" were said approximately one hundred times each.

world's ugliest knee and it's all mine bitches!

BUT! That's not even the best part of the day. It is the first day since May 25 that I have not had ANY knee pain. NO. KNEE. PAIN. AT. ALL. It was nothing short of amazing. My knee isn't perfect, and I'd say a ACL graft and lacking a large chunk of my lateral meniscus means that it never will be. But being pain free for the first time in almost four months gives me hope that I'm going to be okay. Well, physically at least. Mentally I will probably always be a little wacky. Just the way I like it.

my current sentiments

2011-09-12T08:06:00.004-04:00

This is how I felt after reading an "urgent" email from a coworker that was sent at 6:40 this morning. It's probably not good to be this peeved before you've even stepped into the office on a Monday morning:

never forget

2011-09-11T08:57:00.001-04:00

In honor of the 10th anniversary of the attack on the World Trade Centers I am going to re-port a blog that I had originally written in May. My heart aches for those who lost friends and family members 10 years ago today. We will never forget.

September 11th started off like any other normal day -- with two periods of AP calculus. I don't know why I was in an AP math class, because I hated every minute and understood next to nothing. I don't think I received higher than a 70 on a single exam but managed to ace the class. I was a senior in high school and just figuring out where I wanted to apply to college. All of a sudden there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that a plane had "accidentally" crashed into the World Trade Center. We were stunned. How does a plane accidentally slam into a building? Shortly after there was another announcement, this one explained that a second plane had gone into the other tower. What? How was that possible?

I went to school in Queens, not far from the city. We all rushed to the windows, where we were able to see the smoke rising from the towers. We were given permission by our teachers to try to call our families, as many of us had parents who worked in the city. Me being one of them. My dad was working at the pier near the WTC. I tried to call both of my parents but the cell phone lines were totally jammed. For the first time, maybe ever, there was silence in the classroom. We were numb. And terrified.

It felt as though an eternity had gone by when an aide came into the classroom. She called my name and told me to come down to the office. Immediately I thought that my dad was dead and I burst into hysterical tears. The woman took me into her arms and told me that it was okay, that my mom had come to sign me out of school. I ran down to the lobby and my mom had my little brother with her. She apologized for scaring me, and said that she just wanted us all home together. We still hadn't been able to get in touch with my father.

We arrived home just in time to watch the television broadcast of the first tower falling. I will never forget it. I felt a mix of shock and awe. When the second tower fell, I knew that the world would never be the same. We sat in silence for most of that day, because there were no words that could convey what we were feeling. Sadness. Loss. Fear. Pain. By the time my mother sat us down at the table to eat lunch (which we just stared at), we still hadn't heard from my dad. Watching the coverage of the exodus across the Brooklyn bridge, I wondered if he was alive. And if he was, was he trapped somewhere? Was he scared? Was he hurt? I knew that there would be so many deaths but I was selfish, and I just wanted my daddy to walk through that door.

Later that afternoon we finally got a call from my father. He was okay. Scared but okay. He explained how people came running into the indoor tennis bubbles, tinted grey from the soot. He spent the night there, on the floor of a tennis court, with others who had sought refuge from the hysteria. He finally made it home the next morning and we hugged him until he peeled us off so he could take a shower. He wouldn't tell us much about what had happened and still to this day doesn't talk about it. But he was home. He was in one piece. That was more than many families could say about their loved ones.

I hope that those who lost someone on 9/11 have found some peace today.

come on get happy

2011-09-09T15:48:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you all know, but I am a co-leader for the Boston LUNA Chix run team. Last night we had our first annual walk/run for fun. Of course after months and months of planning we woke up to some very nasty rain yesterday morning. It managed to clear up enough by mid-day so that we did not have to postpone. I was unbelievably thrilled to see so many excited women show up for such a great event. If I had to guess, I'd say that we had about 80 people or so in attendance, not too shabby for the inaugural event! I'm hoping that corporate chooses to do this again next year so that we can continue to build and make this into a truly amazing event.

9 out of 10 of the Boston LUNA Chix Team!

Both photos courtesy of the wonderful Liz McEachern Hall!

Anyway, due to my continued gimp-status I worked the check-in table, but I still had a great time. I really wish that I could have participated in the run (or hell, even the walk), but I was able to chat with one of my fellow Chix and eat (way too many) chocolate dipped coconut Luna bars, aka the food of the gods. I am not even kidding, these bars are like crack. If I can ever manage to find them in stores (and don't eat them all on the way home from the store) then maybe I'll do a giveaway one day. And you know what? There will be other runs, and there will definitely be more races. I know that I'll run again.

The best part of the evening was when a big group of us went to get some food from one of my favorite Tex-Mex restaurants in the city. I love me some Border Cafe. The waiter was awesome and loved us even though we probably ate every single tortilla chip that they had in the joint. All I have to say is that I'm glad I was wearing stretchy pants. Mama had a big dinner.

At one point in the meal, my friend looked over at me and said something along the lines of: "You know, when I saw you a few weeks ago you were just so.. not yourself. Now you're smiling and laughing. It's nice to see you back to being.. you!" And you know what? I DO feel more like myself. I'm back to cracking inappropriate jokes and laughing at things that other people don't even find funny. I've even noticed a decreased amount of anger regarding my job and some co-workers. I feel more peaceful than I have in a long time and you know what? It feels really great.

I'm in a pretty good place both mentally AND physically. My stitches come out on Tuesday - FINALLY! They're itchy and annoying and I just want them gone. I've had two physical therapy appointments and Susana says that I look very stable with things like squats, lunges and balance work. We did some small jumps and I am still favoring my left (non-surgeried) side, which she did not seem all that concerned about. I've been given the stamp of approval to go for an outdoor bike ride tomorrow. There's a 5k race that I signed up for months ago and that's still up for discussion. At the very least, I'll be walking it with two of my fellow Chix, Danielle and Ashley.

Have a great weekend, all!

tune tuesday

2011-09-06T14:10:00.000-04:00

But how do I know if I'll make it through?

How do I know? Where's the proof in you?

And so it goes, this soldier knows

The battle with the heart isn't easily won

And so it goes, this soldier knows

The battle with the heart isn't easily won

But it can be won

-Ingrid Michaelson 

bloglovin

2011-09-04T00:04:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else use bloglovin? Thoughts? Tell me where/how you publicize your blog. Your secrets, I needz them. Oh and while you're at it - Follow my blog with Bloglovin

epic

2011-09-03T15:04:00.004-04:00

"for what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. there's no time limit, stop whenever you want. you can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. we can make the best or the worst of it. i hope you make the best of it. i hope you see things that startle you. i hope you feel things you never felt before. i hope you meet people with a different point of view. i hope you live a life you're proud of. if you find that you're not i hope you have the strength to start all over again." - benjamin button

apartment therapy

2011-08-31T22:02:00.003-04:00

You know what's more difficult than recovering from knee surgery? Re-decorating and re-organizing you apartment while recovering from knee surgery. It started small - my mother organized my freezer, and then declared that she needed some different containers in order to de-clutter my bathroom. Before I knew it, we had been at Christmas Tree shop four times in two days and all of my worldly belongings were in a pile in the middle of my (tiny) apartment.

So I wanted to share some pictures with you because I am so pleased with how it came out. The first thing you'll notice when you look at the pictures is that I am NOT one of those minimalist bitches. I have a ton of crap and I am proud of it. The second thing you'll notice is that I am obsessed with picture frames. My mother has officially put me on a ban. What nerve! My apartment isn't perfectly decorated but I think it definitely screams ME.

I lovelovelove my doormat!

First thing you see when you enter the apartment. My mom calls it my "Wall of Self-Involvement" ABSOLUTELY!

My "living room". The entrance/mini room is directly to the right. I love the black and white artwork with the pop of color from the couch and accessories.

Cuteness in an end table

Entertainment center - to the left is my entranceway and to the right is the opening for the kitchen (which is on the other side of the wall where I've got the entertainment center). Off course I have my black and white Yankees stadium picture up there. And do you see what I mean about the picture frames?


Part of my tiny, tiiiny kitchen. My mom made me take off most of the magnets, pictures, and cards that were on my fridge. SHE SAID THEY WERE TACKY. As if.


Roostie. He's awesome. And magnetic. Double awesome.

Eat Drink and Be Merry and Happy Hour - I have my priorities straight.

Right outside my kitchen leads to an open area that I consider to be my "bedroom". Here are where I keep some of my jewels and oh.. what's that? More picture frames? Yea..

Bed! And more black and white pictures. Can't get enough of those.

To the right of my bed is a doorway that leads to my nook and my bathroom. The desk is an old roll-top desk that I bought from the creepiest dude ever, thank you Craigslist! More pictures and the butterfly painting is something that my mom and I picked up at Homegoods for 19 dollars!

My bathroom is literally too small to take a picture of while I'm inside but this is what started it all. All of my products are organized in those little cubbies. It's AMAZING.

I hope you all enjoyed the photo tour of my closet - I mean apartment. For the first time since I moved in over a year ago, I really feel like it represents my personality. What do you think? Yay or nay?!

big girls (totally) cry

2011-08-30T16:20:00.002-04:00

I am four days post-op and feeling pretty good. There honestly wasn't a ton of pain, except for Saturday night when my pain meds wore off and my knee felt as though it was on fire. I'm down to one crutch when I'm out of the apartment, weight bearing, and have switched from Percoset to ibuprofen. My knee is definitely a little swollen, and when I walk around I feel some pressure from that - but I can walk fairly normally and without a limp (or swagger, as I like to call it). My first physical therapy appointment is on Friday, and I will be getting my stitches out no September 13th. Weee! Doesn't look too gross, right?

I know that I make fun of my mom a lot on this blog. Hell, some of my best entries have come from things she's said and done - but I have to put it out there that she's been amazing. She slept next to me and made sure that I was fed, iced, medicated and happy. And then she helped me re-organize my entire apartment. It looks fantastic and neat, and who the hell would have guessed that I'd have three garbage bags full of non-usable crap lying around my studio apartment? It's so awesome to see that everything has a place and that I no longer have 50 travel-sized shampoos and conditioners. She's been epic and man, I love her.

This afternoon she started talking about train schedules and when she would leave. I don't know what came over me but all of a sudden I was just sobbing and begging her to stay one more day. She was beside herself and spent ten minutes hugging and kissing me and telling me to stop crying. Of course she didn't miss the opportunity to say, "well... you could always move back to New York". Well played, mama. I even cried long after she agreed to stay until tomorrow. I know that she has to go back tomorrow, but I just wasn't ready to let he go - and to be honest, I don't think she's quite ready to go either.

Wow - if someone had told me a week ago that I'd be hysterical at the possibility of my mother leaving I would have thought you were CRAY CRAY.

survived!

2011-08-26T21:28:00.000-04:00

I survived my knee surgery. It went pretty much perfectly - there was a pretty significant tear in my meniscus that had rolled up and was catching in my knee every time I bent. This is what we think was causing most of my pain. My surgeon took out what he needed to and shaved down the rest. There is actually still a small tear left, but because of where it's placed, he decided that it would be better for my long-term prognosis if he left it.

I'll give you all a more detailed update but for now I'm eating some popsicles and waiting for my percoset to kick in so I'll leave you with this gem:

Right after this picture I managed to take out an entire display of Goldfish crackers and almost hit a mother who was holding her small child. Sorry, I really shouldn't have been responsible for my actions when my system has been bombarded with anesthesia and percoset.

one of those days

2011-08-25T14:25:00.001-04:00

"And everyone keeps saying

Nothing helps but time

Time is all I own

The timing won't stop replaying over in my mind

I watch the hours slow down"

dear running,

2011-08-24T09:01:00.004-04:00

I don't know how to say this but.. I've been cheating on you. I know! I'm a total jerk! It only started after my injury (which, I'm going to go ahead and blame on you). I mean, it's your fault that I fell in love with you, and the reason why so much of my identity has wrapped up in being a runner. Without you I had a void to fill, because I was eating my feelings, and my pants were getting tight and it was just bad news bears for me.

We couldn't hang out and there were all of these other exercises that tempted me. First there was Core Fusion. That saucy, expensive minx. I love the instructors, the facilities and the fact that I can touch the floor of the shower without worrying about coming home with some sort of fungus. Don't get me wrong, I really love this class and it hurts so good but, it not the kind of workout I can do three, four, or five days a week.

There was a dalliance with yoga. There were a few different kinds.. power, heated, vinyasa, forest.. Okay, I admit it - I got a little slutty with the yoga. They were great, and pigeon pose feels oh so good on my tense IT bands. It was a short-lived affair, yoga just couldn't hold my attention the way you could.

The allure of the pool was strong.. for a short time. I hadn't swam with any regularity since middle school and it felt exhilarating to get back into the pool. It didn't hurt to find out that I had maintained some (very basic) level of skill. I tried different workouts but eventually became bored, and found excuses to skip my morning (and afternoon) swims. Plus, the chlorine wreaked havoc on my hair and skin.

The worst betrayal by far has been cycling. That vicious hussy has given me bruises and I even thought that I had broken my sit bones after an unfortunate mishap at a stoplight yesterday. But the bike was free and it's really made my commute to and from work enjoyable and short (how often can you say that?!). It also doesn't hurt my knee the way you do. Cycling through the streets of Somerville and Cambridge is scary, challenging and tons of fun. It's also something that I can do on my own or with my friends. Out of all the activities I've tried in the last three months, cycling is the only thing that's come close to you.

So running, my love, that's all there is. You'll always be number one in my heart. You may just need to share me with cycling after my surgery. I hope that you're not against the idea of an open relationship. Don't worry, I'll always wear protection. Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant a helmet!

love,
j.

all hail the lady bits

2011-08-23T11:34:00.000-04:00

So, what you're telling me is that the vagina is the most powerful weapon on earth? That is really great to know Summer's Eve. Thanks for dropping that knowledge on me. Excuse me while I go flash my lady bits to get free lunch, a promotion or arrested.

let the bodies hit the floor (literally)

2011-08-22T12:03:00.002-04:00

I've been living in my apartment for a little over a year. I finally got to meet one of my neighbors last week. And he's incredibly good looking. Too bad he'll probably avoid me for the rest of my life. Why's that, do you ask? Probably due to the fact that we met because he came knocking on my door after I put both feet in the same pant leg of my pajamas and fell face down, HARD. I'm not sure if it was my body crashing to the floor that alerted him, or maybe it was me screaming "OW OW OW CRAP DAMNIT OUCCHHHH" over and over again.

He'll probably want to marry me. Right?

I think it's time to invest in some padded clothing. Or bubble wrap.

Happy Monday!

throwback thursday #16

2011-08-18T10:56:00.000-04:00

And happy Thursday to you.

well played, someecards

2011-08-16T19:36:00.001-04:00

being impatient pays off!

2011-08-15T13:06:00.001-04:00

I got a call this morning saying that there had a been a cancellation and did I want to move my surgery up two weeks? What sort of question was that? I answered "HELL YES - I mean, uh, yes please". I resisted the urge to add a WHOO HOO to the end of that sentence. I told my mom that I was moving the surgery up, and that I really appreciated her offering to come help, but if her schedule wouldn't allow it then I understood. I made sure to add that I had friends who had offered to take me to/from surgery because apparently when you have anesthesia they won't release you to a cab driver. Who knew?

So now not only is my mother coming up - but she's bringing my father. And they're staying with me. In my studio apartment. On an air mattress. My mom mentioned something about staying for a week and I reacted physically by shuddering. My entire body just about heaved. I cannot survive a week in my apartment with TWO other people.Whom I am related to. But I figure I'll probably be drugged for the first few days and then I get to return to work. There should be minimal bloodshed.

All joking aside, I love that my parents are willing to put their lives on hold to come and take care of me for what is a pretty routine knee surgery. I'm really lucky to have them, even if my mother says things like "you're not going to run anymore, right? I mean, running is what caused this injury, right?".

Eleven days, folks.

Think that I can get my mom to do my laundry while she's in town? Does that fall into the category of "motherly responsibility" or "taking advantage"? I can't decide..

music monday

2011-08-15T10:59:00.001-04:00

I was at this concert!

"sing me sweet, 

sing me low,

say you'll never let me go

cause i've gone long enough

waiting for wonderful"

-matt nathanson

i'm a mess (for the next 28 days) part 9

2011-08-12T11:33:00.001-04:00

After stalking the scheduler at my surgeon's office, I was finally able to get her on the phone. The earliest appointment I can get is September 9th. SEPTEMBER? What happened to "we can get you in within the next couple of weeks!". Patience has never been a virtue of mine. And especially now that we finally know what's wrong with me (physically, anyway), it makes sense that I'd want to get the surgery over with. I'm bummed because it means that I will probably not be able to play kickball this season, and that I won't be able to participate in the MMRF 5k charity race that I do every year. I'm trying to let go of those feelings, because it's not in my control and there's really nothing that I can do about it at this point.

The good thing about having the surgery on September 9th is that my mom can come up to take care of me. The bad thing about it? That my mom can come up to take care of me. I KID! It's just that I live in a verrry small studio apartment and we don't do well in close quarters. Actually, we argue when we're not in confined spaces together, now that I think of it. She was actually pretty awesome after my last knee surgery. She transported me to/from physical therapy and doctors appointments, cooked any random food that I decided I wanted (chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? SURE), and even bathed me (you try showering with a full-leg knee brace!). I know that I complain and (playfully) jab at my mom a lot, but I am really lucky to have someone who's willing to put their life on hold to come take care of their (mostly) adult daughter.

I'm going to keep repeating "I AM LUCKY, I AM SO LUCKY" to myself every time I am about to bite her head off. And if that doesn't work, then I just hope the pain meds dull me long enough to avoid any huge fights.

throwback thursday #15

2011-08-11T10:11:00.003-04:00

I still make this face.

Very often.

I wish I still had that scrunchie.

as easy as riding a bike

2011-08-10T15:49:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I tweeted about wanting to get a bike. Shortly after my buddy Michelle let me know that she was getting rid of one that she'd been gifted. Seemed like fate to me! So I picked up the bike and in true j. fashion it sat in my (very tiny) apartment for a couple of weeks before I had the time and/or motivation to get it checked out. You know what? I like to do things on my own timeline, so sue me. Anyway, I brought it to the bike shop and I was told that it was in pretty good condition - it will eventually need new brakes but for now I got by with a new chain and one tire. I also purchased myself a sweet helmet (my brain is too valuable to risk) and lock (because people are filthy thieves).

So yesterday morning I had the bright idea to commute to/from work on my bike. I mean, I haven't ridden in ten years, might as well jump right in to rush hour traffic, right? With the encouragement of my twitter friends and a total lack of rational thinking, I decided to go for it. It was pretty frightening at first, but as soon as I reached the bike lane I started to gain some more confidence. I almost got hit by a truck at one point but I ended up being totally fine! I have to get better at restarting after being at a light, but I think that's something that comes with practice. Let me tell you, Somerville/Cambridge drivers are PSYCHOPATHS (I should know, as I am one of them) - but I think I held my own pretty well for the first day. Another bonus is that biking doesn't aggravate my torn meniscus, and my ortho said I can do it as much as I want until my surgery.

Yesterday I rocked leggings and a Jansport backpack that my mom bought me before my freshman year of college. So my questions for you bikers out there - what do you wear when you bike? Do you have any snazzy accessories that you'd like to share? How do you not wobble like a jackass when trying to restart yourself after waiting for a stoplight? All very important questions.

i'm (soon to not be) a (total) mess part 8

2011-08-09T10:48:00.000-04:00

I met with my orthopedic surgeon today - we discussed my MRI results and decided that the best option would be surgery. He told me that no, it wasn't absolutely necessary but that more than likely the pain would not go away on its own. To be quite honest, he didn't have to convince me, as I had made up my mind before I even arrived at the office. I have not gone one day without pain since the end of May, and if there's a way to fix it, then I am going to do it.

There are a lot of things that will remain unknown until the actual surgery. The exact placement and size of the tear, whether or not there is scar tissue from my ACL surgery, and if they can repair the meniscus or if they will just clean it up. Another unknown is whether or not I'll ever run another marathon. I'm already at a greater risk to arthritis because of my ACL repair, and this injury/surgery definitely won't help those chances. That's not something that I'm going to think about right now - it's just not the important thing. I will definitely be able to run again, and that is great news.

There's a chance he may be able to get me into surgery next week! I'm not upset, and I'm not even that scared. I'm excited to start the healing process. The stressful part is that I live alone - and because of my parent's work schedule, neither one of them will be able to come up to help me after the surgery. I'm a grown woman (that's what they tell me) so I should theoretically be able to take care of myself. What I cannot do, however, is get myself home from the surgery or to physical therapy (for at least a week or so post-op). Good thing I have some wonderful friends who have already stepped up and offered to help. The last time I had anesthesia I woke up thinking that I was paralyzed, my parents had abandoned me and screaming for a pizza. I should probably apologize in advance to whomever has the unfortunate task of taking me home from the hospital..

throwback thursday #14

2011-08-04T12:07:00.000-04:00

Summer 2004: The summer of ponchos (why, God, why?!)

Sadly.. these were not the only two that I owned - just the only two that I've managed to find photos of. I'd like to think that I've come a long way in my fashion-sense, but really I think I've just exchanged the God-awful ponchos for my beloved cardigans.

my life

2011-08-02T21:53:00.003-04:00

i'm (back to being) a mess part 7

2011-07-30T20:37:00.002-04:00

"Indeterminate grade 3 signal intensity in the posterior horn of the lateral meniscus. Allowing for partially obscuring magnetic susceptibility artifacts, ACL graft appears intact."

That up there? That would be my MRI results. What does it mean in English? That my ACL graft seems to be intact (phew) and that I probably have a tear in the back of my lateral meniscus. Unfortunately, my orthopedist is on vacation until at least Tuesday, and my physical therapist hasn't gotten back to me with what she thinks, so I have no idea yet of what the next step should be. I've done some researching (bad idea, I know) and it seems that grade three is generally treated surgically. I also think that since it's been just about two months without noticeable improvement means that arthroscopic surgery is a strong possibility.

In a way, it's good to finally know what's going on - to know what's causing the pain. However, the idea of any sort of surgery is really frightening, especially living alone and my family being over two hundred miles away. Luckily the rehabilitation for this procedure would be far less painful than the ACL - only four to six weeks. Basically, I will do whatever my doctor recommends if it means that I'll be pain free and can go back to my normal life and activities.

I'm making a conscious effort to think positively about all of this, which, as you know goes against every fiber of my personality. BUT DAMNIT I'M GOING TO TRY.

throwback thursday #13

2011-07-28T11:07:00.001-04:00

march 2003 - in rome (obviously!)

Spring break of our sophomore year of college, we decided that we'd forgo binge drinking on a beach and explore Rome for 5 days. Never regretted that decision for a minute. It was -- and still is -- one of the best trips I've ever taken in my life. Don't judge our outfits - it was 2003! I believe that I'm wearing jeans from Pacific Sunwear (from my 4 month stint working there during my senior year of highschool), a corduroy jacket and of course the outfit wouldn't be complete without my Kate Spade bag. Obviously.

i'm (slightly less of?) a mess part 6

2011-07-27T13:52:00.001-04:00

First of all, I want to say thank you for all of the kind words and support I received in response to Monday's whine-fest.. I mean, blog. The comments, tweets and emails were so sweet - and believe me when I say that they were truly appreciated. It's a huge reminder that even though I may feel lonely, that I am far from alone.

What a difference a couple of days can make. I went to my physical therapist yesterday and she worked the hell out of my legs. We did lots of strength work and none of the massage work that I love but pretend to hate because it's actually pretty painful. Susana let me know that I'd probably be sore for a couple of days, and not to be alarmed. And then something happened.. I couldn't believe it! She looked at me and said, "I think you're ready to get back into running... SLOWLY."

WAIT WHAAAT?

How can that be? I'm still injured, right? I'm still in pain, correct? Yes, and yes. She doesn't think that tomorrow's MRI will show anything - but agrees that it's something I should do to ease my mind. In the case that it is indeed a Baker's cyst, she says we've still been doing the right things which are strength training and massage, which would help to break it up. Susana thinks that my injury is being caused by a bio mechanic imbalance - weak hamstrings and glutes along with very strong quads and the flattest feet you've ever seen - that is tweaking my knee. So I've been working on equaling out my leg muscles, along with some arch inserts for my running sneakers, and she thinks that this will alleviate a lot of the stress and pain. I guess only time will tell. I'm not good at being patient, but I really am trying here.

My PT homework assignment last night was to... RUN. I did 3 minutes of walking followed by 7 minutes of running - twice and then a cool down. It was a total of just over two miles in 21 minutes. It was also pouring rain the entire time I was out there but you know what? I loved every second. I almost cried at one point, because I was so happy and relieved to be running, even if it was for two short miles. The pain was still there - but it was more of a dull discomfort. Susana said that's ok - it's the sharp pains that we need to look out for. I felt awkward and tight when I first started, but by the end I felt loose and relaxed - and the pain had definitely eased up.

This morning I feel a big achy and sore - but between yesterday's PT work, the run, and my at-home exercises, I don't think it's anything to be alarmed about. Also, I think the pain is totally worth it if it can get me closer to being able to run again.

Wish me luck on tomorrow's MRI, you can be sure that I'll let you all know as soon as I have any information!

i'd like some cheese with my whine

2011-07-25T15:31:00.000-04:00

I went to a nutritionist today because my eating has been out of control. I've gained weight since being benched from running. My pants feel tight and I'm filled with more self-loathing than usual. Oh! I've acquired this awesome habit of eating my feelings. At the age of 27 I've become an emotional eater, something that is totally new to me, and I don't know how to handle it. Except to feel bad and just eat more. Really productive, right?

The nutritionist laid out a meal plan for me that's filled with whole grains, fruits, lean meats - seems pretty logical to me, right? She kept asking me questions to get down to the root of where my recent food issues are coming from. And of course, I ended up crying. Just like I cried last week when I went to my new primary care doctor. Oh, and pretty similar to how I cried when I went to the orthopedist. Both times. I think I've finally put my finger on it - I'm lonely. I'm off of my routine. So much of my life has revolved around training for races, running races, talking about races. I hate sitting with my friends and listening to them all talk about their grand training programs. Not because I don't want them to succeed, but because I'm so sad that I can't be doing the same thing. I feel isolated. And I understand that this is all coming from me - none of my friends have told me that they don't want to hang out with me because I can't go running, but I still feel so sad.

I'm also discouraged because the pain isn't better. My physical therapist tells me that she thinks I'm making progress but I don't feel it. I think I've had maybe two relatively pain free days since the end of May. Yes, I can do things like yoga and Core Fusion, but I ache for days afterwards. I'm physically, emotionally and financially tapped from doctors appointments, acupuncture and shoe inserts, and everything else that I've been doing. I just want to feel like myself again and to let go of this whining, little bitch of a person who complains all day, every day.

So there you go. I'm eating because I'm sad and lonely. First world problems, I know.

I'm thinking of getting this tattooed on my face so when I look in the mirror I shut the hell up:

throwback thursday #12

2011-07-21T12:07:00.000-04:00

This picture was taken over five years ago and it still makes me laugh. I love everything that's going on in the background. And then there's me - being a total ham and striking a pose. Good to know that nothing has changed at all since I graduated from college.

monday

2011-07-18T14:22:00.002-04:00

I have a pretty busy week coming up. Tomorrow is actually the only night that I don't have something to do. It is also the day that I have a 10 hour, off-site staff retreat. Lame. And it's about a 40 minute drive from my house. Double lame. But I get to wear whatever I want and flip flops! Not lame at all.

I'm trying really hard to get back into the blogging groove. I've just felt really.. uninteresting lately. Mostly because my brain waves are sort of like this: blah blah blah hamstring injury blah blah blah physical therapy appointments blah blah blah can't stop eating peanut butter cups blah blah blah oops just finished a box of cheez-its. As soon as my life gets a little less boring, I'll be back. Promise!

i'm a f*&#ing mess pt 5

2011-07-15T14:36:00.000-04:00

Are you all as sick of reading about my injury as I am with having one? PROBABLY. Am I going to write more about it anyway? Yes indeedy.

I had a follow up appointment with my orthopedist yesterday. Let me tell you, I am pretty sick of every medical professional looking at me, shrugging their shoulders and saying "wow, your injury is SO confusing!". But I guess that's another problem entirely. Anyway, Dr. F. suggested that we get a third opinion (aside from him and my PT) just to see if there's something they could be missing. That opinion would be coming from Dr. S - an orthopedic surgeon. He tried to make it very clear that he didn't want me to think that I would definitely need surgery, just that he wants more opinions.

I couldn't get an appointment with Dr. S until the beginning of August, which I find really frustrating. The next step after that, if I'm still not better, would be an MRI. Speaking of which, I've been on hold for twenty minutes with my surgeon's office to find out what screws were used during my ACL reconstruction. An employee came on the phone and said "Yea, I think you're okay to get an MRI". She also sounded agitated when I insist that she check. It would be really counter-productive to get an MRI if it will do nothing except pull the screws out of my knee. Not to mention REALLY FREAKING PAINFUL.

This afternoon also marked my third week/sixth session with Susanah, my physical therapist. We did a little check-in and she said that I have made some gains in terms of strength. She measured my calves (how far I could flex them) again and my right was at a 9, is now a 10, whereas the left was at a 15 and is now a 16. For the record, both should be at a 20, so I have a long way to go in loosening up those bad boys. In terms of the pain - I feel it less often, but with the same intensity. Susanah says I should see that as a step in the right direction but I'm having a hard time believing that's something positive.

So, I'm going to continue with my PT (as long as my insurance approves another 8 sessions), my acupuncture, and revel in the fact that I'm allowed to (cautiously) add yoga and Core Fusion back into my life. Still not running, though. In fact, my PT actually said "I want to reiterate - YOU. CANNOT. RUN. YET. Okeydoke?". I just want to be better - I want to have a full day where I don't have any pain, or worry about having pain, or wondering when the pain will return. At least I can feel confident that I am doing everything I possibly can to get better. I wish that made me feel better.

kiss quick

2011-07-13T10:25:00.002-04:00

this year all but disappeared 

bought into fairy tales 

but sleeping beauty just

kept score and tried to sleep more

she said "I'm not quite myself tonight 

but the way you touch me oh makes me tongue tied 

that could be the wine too."

-matt nathanson 

to tri or not to tri

2011-07-12T12:50:00.002-04:00

That is the question.

I have not run in seven weeks. It's the longest I've gone without lacing up my running sneakers since I started running. I've gone through the gamut of emotions - anger, sadness, and a whole lot of bitterness. I'm feeling a lot more positive these days, although I do scowl when runners speed by me. It's really frustrating that the best guess of what's wrong with me is that it's hamstring strain. And that's not even confirmed. But I've tried my hardest to be proactive about my injury - I'm doing physical therapy twice a week, doing my exercises and stretches (almost) every day. Hell, I'm even going to an acupuncturist. And she puts needles IN MY EARS. It's weird. And I don't know if I feel a difference but I'm going to keep going because, well, I have a lot of free time now that I'm not running.

During my forced running hiatus, I have (re)discovered that I'm a decent swimmer. I was a pretty bad ass swimmer back in middle school. No joke! I was the anchor of the free style relay. That's about the last time I swam competitively and with any sort of purpose. These days I'm not going to shatter any time records, but I can hold my own in the water. My form needs some work, but I think that I have a decent endurance base. I did a mile open water swim with Jul while we were in Maine. I was pretty damn slow, but I survived, even if I did almost puke when I found myself surrounded by a large amount of seaweed. With some consistency and drills, I could probably improve pretty quickly.

That just leads me to the bike. I don't own one (anymore), and honestly the idea of riding on Boston streets is a frightening thought. I don't even know what kind of bike I'd buy, how much I should be looking to spend, or if I'd even enjoy it. I also just find myself crippled with self-doubt. Can I do a triathlon? Will I find myself with more injuries? On the flip side, I never thought I'd complete (and survive) a marathon and I managed to get that done.

Talk to me about your first triathlon.. how did you train? Did you want to die? What should I expect? This is of course IF I decide to do it. I haven't made any decisions (you year that Jul?!)

family matters

2011-07-09T10:54:00.000-04:00

My family never visits me. The last time my parents were here was to move my into my apartment last July. My older brother hasn't been here since my senior year of college, and my younger brother hasn't visited since they moved me into my freshman year dorm. Whenever I mention it my mom gets defensive and says my dad works almost every day and it's hard to make the 210 mile trip, but it's a tremendous sore point for me.

This morning I wake up and see my little brother's status "Newport for the day with pops", and my head just about exploded. Really? Newport? It's an HOUR AND A HALF away from Boston. They will drive to Rhode Island for the day but not to Boston to see me? I decided to take the very mature way and started a text fight with my brother. He let me know that I'm the "one who lives forever awasy, not them". I wasn't aware that living in Boston meant that I shouldn't ever get to see my family except when I drive to New York. Maybe if I'd known that I could have saved myself some serious grief.

Then I call my mom and - immediately - start bawling. I tell her that my feelings are hurt that they would drive all that way for the tennis hall of fame, but never to come see me. She gave me some half-assed apology and told me they'd come to see me soon. I got angry and replied "Don't bother, I will just see you guys at Thanksgiving, that's the next holiday, right?". I had to hang up shortly after because I was getting too choked up.

I'm feeling so incredibly hurt. It's a really awful to feel like your family just.. doesn't care. Granted, I could go back home to see them more often, but would it kill them to come visit me where I live? It's not as though I'm here on vacation - my life is in Boston, and they're not a part of that at all. I know that you're all probably reading this thinking that it's really petty but I'm upset and angry and I don't think I'll be ready to talk to them for a while.

Make me feel better - tell me about your family and how dramatic/ridiculous/mean/whatever they are.

cuteness overload

2011-07-08T19:58:00.003-04:00

Remember when I used to blog regularly? And not just about being injured? Yea, that was fun. I used to do LOLcat Friday, which turned into cute animals which turned into not blogging at all. So.. here it is. All I have to say is that if this video doesn't melt your heart then you have no soul. NO SOUL AT ALL.

summertime and the living's easy

2011-07-05T15:55:00.004-04:00

Vacation is officially over. I am back to work (and pretty miserable about it). I had such an amazing time in Chicago and Maine. I don't even care that my entire body is molting from the sunburn I got while in Chicago, or that my left leg is totally cut up from my run-in with some nasty barnacles -- it was a wonderful vacation. Just warning you that this blog entry is probably entirely too long and has about 20 too many photos but I think they're pretty awesome ones if I do say so myself, so I hope you don't hate them.

I arrived in Chicago early Wednesday morning. Jess was kind enough to pick me up from the airport and as a surprise she brought Elizabeth with her! We decided to grab some lunch at a Mexican joint -- two (or was it three?) pitchers or margaritas and a shot of tequila later, i found myself to be rather tipsy. OKAY, I admit it! I was day drunk.. so sue me.

Exhibit A

Other fun Chi-town activities included: attending a BBQ, going to a Core Fusion cardio class, eating cupcakes, doing a ridiculous beach workout, making new friends whilst shoe shopping, watching the gay pride parade from a sweet rooftop (which, of course, was the cause of my epic sunburn). It was a really fun and relaxing visit, and I can't wait to go back! Here are some more pictures from part uno of the vacation extravaganza:

After saying goodbye to Jess, Elizabeth and Chicago, I headed back to Boston for two short days. In that time I had two physical therapy appointments (more on that in another entry), and dropped off my car for what turned out to be an almost $600 repair. I'm so glad that I bleed money. Anyway.. Jules picked me up on Thursday afternoon and we made our way up to Maine. We took the 5:00pm ferry from South Freeport and finally we had arrived at Bustins Island.. TA-DA!

Being on the island was definitely an experience. I learned all about using rain water showers and compost toilets (which felt a little bit like using a litter box..). Juls and I woke up every morning with nothing to do except to just.. relax -- something I most definitely needed. I did my first open water swim, about a mile around part of the island. I did pretty well, albeit verrry slow. And I did swallow a crap ton of salt water and almost lost my mind when I found myself in the middle of a huge bunch of seaweed. Oh, and I did manage to cut my entire leg. Damn barnacles. Here are some more scenic shots of the island:

On Saturday Danielle joined us on the island, and she brought some pals along with her! Their names? Claude, Rupert and Norman:

Sorry guys.. you were sacrificed for a good cause aka Julia's birthday dinner!

We played bocce, drank wine (until Juls' grandmother hid it from us), made homemade ice cream (which I almost broke because it's apparently not made for left-handed individuals, go figure), ate funfetti birthday cake!, drank wine while laying on the golf course and staring at the stars, and laughing uncontrollably over sustantial ball sacks (I'm going to go ahead and take credit for that one).

We left the island on Sunday afternoon and made our way back to the mainland. We headed to Portland, where there was a barbeque at Danielle's house. We listened to the ultimate America mixed CD, played washers (think bag but with.. big washers - it's awesome), and drank tons of gin (oh wait, that was me).

stolen from danielle!

Thank goodness I'm sidelined and wasn't registered for the LL Bean 10k that took place yesterday. Because let me tell you, I was feeling pretty rough. I'm going to blame the gin and just under three hours of sleep for that one. I was very excited to enter my apartment yesterday afternoon, not to mention exhausted. Of course I woke up this morning missing my friends and wishing that I could have had just a few more days to spend with them. I guess this jst means I need to plan a few more vacations, right?

i'm still a mess part 4

2011-06-29T16:32:00.003-04:00

Yep, I'm still injured. The last I wrote about the subject was after I'd gone to the Chiropractor. Last week I went to the orthopedist where he gave me a full leg examination and even took some x-rays. There was a little swelling/fluid behind my knee but other than that, he couldn't feel anything physically wrong with it. Graft seems solid, and it's probably not a meniscus tear or anything of that nature. He told me to start physical therapy and come back in a month for an MRI if I'm not improving.

I met with my physical therapist, Susanah, yesterday. She moved my leg around in a million positions and her best guess is that it's a strained hamstring. My IT bands, quads AND calves are all incredibly tight (that's what she said? Oh.. sorry) - but she's not sure if that's a result or a cause of the hamstring issue. The plan of attack is to focus on both working on my extremely tight muscles as well as strengthening my legs and core. Since I'm heading to Maine tomorrow for the long weekend, she had me come in today so we could do some massage and stretching. I really like my PT - she's friendly and chatty, and like me, she's a runner!

Susanah did say that she thinks that the reason why my pain hasn't gotten any better over the last month is that I've probably been pushing myself too hard. I'm not running - but I have been doing plenty of other activities that have hindered my recovery. I also have a pretty high pain threshold and have basically been ignoring the pain during most of my workouts. I now have a (short) list of activities that I'm allowed to do: swimming, biking and the elliptical. Yay? No yoga. No Core Fusion. No fighter fitness. TRIPLE BOO.

Tomorrow I leave for part two of my vacation. Chicago was part one, and tomorrow I head up to Maine with Juls. Looking forward to relaxing, evening out my awful tan, sleeping and reading. Happy and healthy Fourth of July!

i won't tell em your name

2011-06-28T06:06:00.000-04:00

Let me start this blog entry by saying that I didn't sleep last night. Nope, not one wink. Instead I decided to watch three episodes of The Glee Project, the last of which left me a sobbing me. Don't judge me! I'm feeling sensitive and damnit, I'm going to blame it on the lack of sleep and other lady thangs. But watching that show made me think about music..

"Dude with a guitar" --

That's my response when someone asks me what type of music I prefer. And it all began with the Goo Goo Dolls. I remember sitting in my room listening to Name (on a tape, that I made from the radio, WHOA doggy, that was a long time ago) over and over again. Actually I switched between Name, I Will Do Anything for Love (MEATLOAF!), and The World I Know (Collective Soul, bitches). And then City of Angels came out and Iris was that song that you heard so much that it finally made you want to puke. But I never stopped listening to it.

Goo Goo Dolls performed at the first concert I ever attended, it was an all-day music festival. It was almost 100 degrees, and people were passing out from the heat. I refused to sit in the shade so I could get as close to the stage as possible when GGD (that's what all the REAL fans call them, obviously) started their set. Their music over the years has been.. well.. inconsistent at times. But every now and then they manage to release a song that just.. hits me. Case in point:

"I feel wrong,
I’m so human and flawed,
I break down even though I’m still strong,
And time, will make fools of us all,
Builds us up, and then laughs when we fall."

remember me?

2011-06-27T16:20:00.003-04:00

Oh hai thur, I'm alive! Just got back from Chicago. I'll be back in Boston for a few days before heading off to Maine. At this rate, I may never go back to work (oh, I WISH). I have some updates about my knee, and I'll get around to that at some point. But until then, I'll leave you with this photographic evidence of my inability to LEARN A LESSON:

AGAIN. I FREAKING DID IT AGAIN. GODDAMNIT TO HELL.

a good cause!

2011-06-17T10:59:00.007-04:00

For all of you Boston-area folks, I wanted to share some information regarding a wonderful event. I will be out of town, otherwise you better believe that I'd be attending the A Sweet Soul Supper! lt's on Thursday evening, June 23rd at MIT’s Walker Memorial Building from 6:30-10:00pm.

The event is to support the Margaret Fuller Neighborhood House (MNFH), which happens to be an amazing organization that focuses on building relationships and connecting people with opportunities that will strengthen the Cambridge community, eliminate violence, and gain access to basic human services and educational needs. The MNFH currently provides much-needed support and services to over 4,000 people--many of the most vulnerable residents of Cambridge. To name a few (but not the only) services that they offer: a food pantry, out of school time for children, summer camp, outreach to at-risk young adults, health-related programs for seniors and men of color, community organizing, and an open computer center.

A Sweet Soul Supper is the Margaret Fuller House’s biggest fundraiser of the year! It is a celebration of the Area IV community. All proceeds go to scholarships for kids, the food pantry, computer classes and community outreach. The event will begin with a special networking cocktail hour from 5:30-6:30pm. You can enjoy local jazz band Nine Mile Radius, open bar, and delicious hors d'oeuvres while getting to know some professionals from the area. There will be a silent auction with an iPad 2, a custom touring bike from Cambridge Bicycles and the "Love is in the Air" two night stay at the Marriott Courtyard Cambridge. Some pretty snazzy stuff, if you ask me!

Tickets are currently available online at MargaretFullerHouse.org. Don't forget to like them on Facebook or follow @MFNHouse on Twitter.Be there or be square!

throwback thursday #11

2011-06-16T09:22:00.001-04:00

For those of you who know me - you know that I have an extremely expressive face. I can't hide what I'm feeling, no matter how hard I try. But, I can say with absolute certainty, that at least I am lucky enough to have so many attractive and flattering facial expressions. Please, don't be too jealous:

renaissance faire. this photo sums me up very nicely

sisterhood of the traveling cardigans

2011-06-15T13:19:00.001-04:00

I have a lot of cardigans. some are long, others are short. Some are brightly colored, others are neutral. Some are v-neck, others are crew neck. Once I drunkenly walked from my apartment back to the bar (almost two miles) to retrieve one of my favorite cardigans. But not before calling the bar and yelling "IF SOMEONE WALKS OUT WITH MY JCREW JACKIE CARDIGAN IN PETUNIA THEN I AM GOING TO SMASH A BOTTLE".What can I say? If you didn't already know how classy I am.. well.. now you do.

Oh the places my cardigans have gone..

Walt Disney World

Ladies Nights

MAINE!

Lobster Bakes

Red Sox Games

Holday Parties

Drunk on St. Patty's Day

On the Cape.. doing booty dances

Montreal.. wasted

MADRID!

St. Patty's Day. Drunk.. Again

San Francisco!

Church.. for three hours. WHAT?

The Museum of Natural History.. Eatin' da world.