Tuesday, December 11, 2012

reason #9845 why dating blows

I've been on and off online dating sites since 2007. This was a time when it was still uncool and preettty desperate to be resorting to such a thing. I had my first Match.com date in April 2007 and I remember lying to my family and friends about it, and later when he became my boyfriend, where I met him. But somewhere along the way I stopped caring about what other people thought and told everyone - including my parents - the truth of where I was meeting most of my boyfriends. I'd like like to think that I was a little ahead of my time, because by 2010 almost all of my friends were dabbling in online dating. Yes, I'm totally a trailblazer. Let's go with that.

I've had a lot of experiences in the last almost six years. Hell, I've written about tons of them! A lot of have been good, and some have been pretty shitty. I've dated some great guys, and some who I'd really like to forget ever existed. Online dating, like life, is a crapshoot. And sometimes it's really, incredibly, totally frustrating and confusing.

For those of you who know me in real life (and even, to a certain extent, through the internet), you know that I am pretty straightforward - especially when it comes to dating. If I like a guy, I make it known. If I want to hang out, then hell, I'll ask him myself. I don't say I have plans when I don't in order to appear more unavailable. I respect the men I date, and I expect them to show me the same courtesy.

Seeing as how I am single, you can see how well that attitude has worked for me lately.

Recently I went on four really great dates. Or at least I thought they were pretty great. The guy, we'll call him K-cup, and I had our first date at a local bar where we had some dinner, a few drinks, and a ton of laughs. He messaged me the next day saying that he had a great time and asking if he could see me again. I was actually pretty surprised because he seemed genuine and upfront, which, is sadly something that I'm not all that used to from dating these days. For our second date we went rock climbing and had a ton of fun. He was affectionate but not to the point where it made me uncomfortable.

On our third date we watched a movie at his place, drank wine and made out. It was lovely. He dropped me off at home and texted me immediately asking if I'd hold it against him if he asked when he could see me again. In my head I was all, HELL NO I WON'T THIS IS AWESOME THIS DUDE RULES FINALLY WE'RE NOT PLAYING GAMES SWEEEET. But I managed to craft a slightly more witty response. On our fourth date we watched another movie in our pj's, eating candy, making out and snuggling. In addition to the four dates in a couple of weeks, we were in touch constantly through text. I remember thinking to myself, "damn, this really could be going somewhere".

Kiss of death, right?

I haven't seen him at all since that fourth date. In the weeks following, I sent several texts asking him to hang out and his responses were always noncommittal. And what's even more infuriating is that he still texts me! Not to inquire about seeing me, but when he's bored, or sees something that reminds him of me, or even when he's possibly drunk. I don't get it, guys, I don't. It's frustrating and, frankly, it hurt my feelings. A lot. Probably more than it should. I'm no longer responding to his texts. And honestly, if he does contact me again I'm going to take my own advice of being upfront and will tell him that I think it's a waste of both of our time to be communicating if he has no interest in hanging out. Actually, at this point, I probably wouldn't want to hang out with him even if he did ask.

So, we can add this to the list of dating disappointments. Back to the OKcupid drawing board. Unless anyone has any friends in Boston they'd like to set me up with?

Tell me about your own dating disappointments. I can't be the only one who keeps dating duds.. RIGHT?


LAPT said...

Were we friends yet when I was dating Blonde Hipster? I will tell you this in person.

LAPT said...

Were we friends yet when I was dating Blonde Hipster? I will tell you this in person.

Unknown said...

Hello friend! I share your frustrations and annoyances all the way. I repeatedly have those '' everything went well then nothing'' oh and then the occasional pathological, lying psycho :) You are a strong, beautiful, smart, funny woman and I am proud to be your friend. We haven't found him yet but he's out there, I know it! It always sucks but just know it's not you and it really is their loss! If I was a dude I'd date you :) Keep your head up xoxo