Today I was supposed to run the New York City Marathon. I was supposed to wake up at the crack of dawn so that my dad could drive me to the ferry. I was supposed to meet my friends at athletes village wearing ridiculous clothing to keep warm. I was supposed to run over the Verrazano bridge, terrified that someone would spit into my mouth (someone told me that it happened to their friend and i was HORRIFIED). I was supposed to listen to the gospel choirs in Brooklyn. I was supposed to be miserable running over the 59th street bridge. but secretly loving every minute of it. I was supposed to have 30 of my family members and friends throughout the course, wearing obnoxiously bright green shirts, and cheering for me. I was supposed to marvel at how it's possible that going uptown on 1st avenue and downtown on 5th avenue could be uphill BOTH ways. I was supposed to cry when I crossed the finish line, knowing that I had just accomplished something pretty great. I was supposed to make my dad proud, knowing that it made him so happy to see his daughter follow in his footsteps in the most literal way.
Had the race been held today it would have divided the city, something that I never want to see happen to my beautiful hometown. New Yorkers are strong, brave, proud, and wonderful and the marathon was bringing out ugliness and negativity. I know that this was not the year for me, nor the NYC marathon. Too many people were suffering, too much had been lost.
Instead of running the marathon I woke up and did an 8 mile training run with
Lauren and Jenn. We then drove up to New Hampshire and cheered on
two of my friends with whom I was supposed to run the NYC Marathon. I
saw many runners sporting the NYCM tech shirts and I'm not going to lie -
I felt a pang of sadness. I spent a lot of time over the last few days
crying. And some of you may think that's selfish considering what others
have lost. Any maybe it is. But I believe that I am allowed to feel
disappointed and upset while at the same time terrible sadness for what
people are going through. I don't believe that either of those things
are mutually exclusive.
There's not much of a point in dwelling on the should have's and supposed to's - or at least not anymore. I have friends and family who have rallied around me with words of encouragement and positivity. I know that many did not agree with the decision to hold the marathon, yet they chose to support me because they knew how much it meant to me and how hard I had trained. So now I look ahead to Richmond. Reading up on the race it's supposed to be a great course, with tons of friendly spectators and a junk food station! So many thanks to Lauren and Allison for being wonderful and for making sure that I had a ride to the race and a place to sleep - it is so unbelievably appreciated. And I know this race will be special in its own way. It's not New York, and it's not my hometown, but you know what? I am running my second marathon in six days and that is something to be proud of.