Friday, July 20, 2012

closure

Remember when my blog used to include hilarious and sarcastic commentary about my dating life? Yea. Me neither. So I figured I'd share my most recent dating dramz.

Back in May I went on a first date with a guy I'd been corresponding with from OKcupid. Let's call him ET for the purposes of this story. It's one of those "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" sort of situations. If I don't go in expecting too much, then I'm usually pleasantly surprised when the guy isn't a total troll. In this case, ET and I got a long. Really well. I don't remember the last time I had a first date where I laughed so hard. Over the next month both of our travel schedules were insane, but we did manage to go on three more dates.

We'd had many conversations about how people are just awful when it comes to dating and that there's a blatant lack of honesty and communication between people these days. It made me hopeful that maybe this guy could be different (famous last words?). Our fifth date was to be on a Wednesday evening. I got a call on Tuesday night (after I called HIM to see about plans) saying that he'd had an awful week at work, was in a terrible funk and just needed to spend Wednesday night by himself. I told him that it was fine, because everyone is entitled to some alone time. It was during that conversation that he'd dropped the bomb that he'd recently-ish broken up with his girlfriend of three years. Alarms were blaring and red flags were waving all over the place, but I tried to reassure myself that he was being forthcoming and he wouldn't be out there dating if he weren't emotionally ready to move on.

The next week was my housewarming party where Julia and I premiered our epic reality tv webisode. I invited him because, why not? There were going to be tons of people there and it was sure to be a good time. He seemed excited about it but deep down I had a feeling that he wouldn't end up coming. Of course, 5:25pm that night I get a text saying that he's sorry, he has to work late and to have fun. I didn't let it ruin my night, but I definitely had some beer (or vodka, wine, champagne) tears towards the end of the evening. A few days later I wrote him an honest (since that was supposedly how we were supposed to be with one another, right?) email basically saying thanks for disappearing, what happened to being truthful with one another? Julia helped me draft it. Good thing for that, because if I'd written it on my own it probably would have been "FUCK YOUUUUUU DICKBAG" bolded, over and over again.

A couple of days later he called me while I was out and didn't leave a voicemail. I called him back and his voice mailbox was full. And I figured that would be the last I ever heard of him.

That was three weeks ago.

And then on Wednesday night, he called.

I was so taken aback that when I answered the phone and he apologized my first reaction was "ok, thanks? well, this is awkward". We got off the phone quickly because I got my wits about me and called back to further discuss. Over the twenty minute conversation he apologized a bunch, and explained that he wasn't over his last relationship but that he and I had been so honest with one another (there's that word again..) that he felt as though he owed me an explanation and an apology. He gave me permission to yell at him (how kind of him) to which I explained that it was a little presumptuous to think that I'd be so wrecked that I'd need to yell and that my feelings had been hurt but that I was totally fine. I also told him that he wasn't forgiven, yet, but that he would be and I left it at that.

So there's that. I'm trying to see the positives in all of this. On the one hand, it's pretty awful to like someone who isn't ready to like you back. But, I've been so lukewarm on many of the men I've met over the last year, so it's nice to remember what it's like to have great chemistry with another person. One thing that stuck with me was when he said "I don't think that you've sat around being upset about this, but I wanted you to know that as terrible as it sounds, it wasn't you. It was all me. It wasn't anything that you did". It may have taken three weeks, but I've finally got some closure on the situation, and that's more than I've gotten from a lot of guys that I've dated.

Tell me about some of your recent dating disappointments. Why does the opposite gender suck so much sometimes?

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