Thursday, January 26, 2012

sh*t coworkers say

I was in the kitchen at work this morning, chillin' chillin', mindin' my business (Salt-n-Pepa anyone?) and making some coffee when my coworker approached. I assumed she wanted to use the coffee machine, but nope. She wanted to drop some major advice on me because, I'd asked her to. Oh wait, I didn't! She looked at me and said: "You shouldn't wear your glasses so often.. men won't find you attractive and they won't want to date you."

I don't think she had any malicious intent, so I wasn't even mad. Well, I suppose I was a little peeved. Probably because it was the very start of the day and I hadn't had a chance to put my bullshit shield up for the day. But, it did remind me of some other interesting interactions I've had with various colleagues over the years. There was the coworker who assumed that I was Puerto Rican, who could forget about that? But there are more. So, so many more. And I am going to share some of them with you. You're welcome:

"You're eating again? Didn't you, like, just eat lunch?"

Me: "What are your plans for the weekend? Anything fun?"
"I'm going to a show with a friend and her friend"
Me: "That sounds fun!"
"Yea, I'm totally going to try to get them to have a threesome"
Me: "OH.. well, that does.. sound.. fun.."

"You're single because your standards are too high! You should lower them a little bit."

"Are you sick? You look awful."
Me: "No, I'm just exhausted."
"Oh.. because you look awful."
Me: "You already said that."
"Well, it's true"

"Every period is the waste of a perfectly good egg. A missed opportunity."

"What is that?"
Me: "A veggie burger!"
"It smells like barf"
Me: "It's... delicious?"

Do you have coworkers who can't keep their mouths shut? Ever had any especially awesome WTF moments? Share! - I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.

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