Monday, October 10, 2011

the zsa zsa zu

A few days ago I received an email asking if I've been dating. My first thought was "mother, is that you?". But then I remembered that she still uses her AOL for email, so the chances of her creating an anonymous account to chide me about (stagnant) love life were not entirely likely. And anyway, she'd probably do that in person, no need to be sneaky about it. I suppose since this blog is called "kissing frogs" that I should probably throw in a dude-story here and there.

I haven't been dating all that much, but I go on two dates with a gentleman from OKcupid a few weeks ago. Let's call him "the Officer". We emailed back and forth for a long time and we seemed to have so much in common. Our first date was great. The conversation was good and the Officer seemed to be a total gentleman. I thought I felt some sparks, although now I think that it was just the three craft beers that I had (oops, bad first date etiquette).  Before we left the bar, he'd already asked me to hang out again, which I thought was sweet, and not something that I'm at all used to.

For our second date we watched a movie at his place. And he cooked me dinner! It was so cute, but I kept asking myself "do I want to make out with him?" and the answer was always the same: "not even if I was blackout drunk". We watched Monty Python. And listen, I know that people love it, but I found it to be the opposite of funny. It was actually painful to watch. I gave a few pity chuckles and he asked me four times if I wanted to watch something else and I was all "NO! NO! This is tootally fine! I like it! It's funny! See! Ha. Ha. Ha".

He was a great catch -- brilliant (like, graduated from college at 20 smart), ambitious, respectful and didn't do the bullshit game playing that I'm so used to. He was all of that, and yet I could not have been less interested in him. I didn't want him to hug me goodbye, let alone try to kiss me. It just goes to show you that being good on paper does not a relationship make. Of course life can't be easy - I'm not attracted to the great catch. It reminds me of that Sex and the City quote:
Carrie: Okay, let's say it's companionship. How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?
Charlotte: The what?
Carrie: That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn't that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu.
Speaking of the zsa zsa zsu,I do have a monstrous, embarrassing, middle-school crush on a boy (er, man, I guess) from kickball. I have wittily dubbed him "kickball krush," or kk for short. He recently told me that I'm sassy and then challenged me to a karaoke duel and I just about melted. This past week we were standing by my car and I couldn't help myself from thinking "kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me KISS ME" over and over again. There are three more weeks of kickball, which means I've got three weeks to make him fall in like with me. I'm going to have to work on being charming, because really all I know how to do is be a sarcastic semi-bitch. Weirdly enough, they are not one in the same.

So that's my romantic life (or lack thereof) at the current moment. Hopefully there will be more to come on kk. And let's hope he never stumbles upon this blog, because that would totally ruin my chances of wooing him.

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