Monday, June 6, 2011

i'm a mess pt 2

Back in February, in the midst of running the Hyannis half in the rain/snow, I told Juls that I'd run the Worcester half with her. The race was this past Sunday, and as planned, I went and spent Saturday night at Julia's condo. I went to bed on Saturday night thinking, "Hey! Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow feeling perfect and be able to run!".

No such luck.

So instead of running my eighth half marathon, I played sherpa. I held the cell phones and sweatshirts and waited with my cell-phone camera in hand (since my camera has unfortunately been claimed by the party gods, and a glass of white wine), I cheered on Julia and Dutch (who each ran FANTASTIC races, by the way!). I can't explain how depressing it is to stand at the start and finish line of a race that you were supposed to run, and yet be unable to participate. I was overwhelmed with feelings of failure - I've never had to pull out of a race before. Well, there was the harpoon five miler that I missed because I got drunk and overslept. But that doesn't count! Right?

I'm frustrated because I don't know what part of me is injured. Everyone has tried to be really helpful and offer me possibilities, but it's only added to my wildly irrational fears. My anxiety is starting to take a toll on me - I'm exhausted and irritable. I slept for 12 hours on Saturday and still woke up groggy and cranky. Also, the problem with not knowing what's injured is that I don't know what exercises will or won't exascerbate the problem. So far I've discovered that swimming feels good. I'm going to try some pilates tonight, and then a little yoga on Tuesday. I haven't run for almost two weeks and I'm so incredibly stir-crazy that I want to scream. Also, my pain hasn't gone away. It comes and goes depending on how I've been sitting or how long I've been standing, but for the most part it feels the same as it did yesterday, last week, and two weeks ago. Why isn't it feeling better?

I have an appointment with the chiropractor on Wednesday. He can order an MRI or x-ray of my knee if need be. If he can't treat/fix me, then the next step is to get a referral and check out an orthopedist and potentially a physical therapist.

I just want to run again. Is that really so much to ask?

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