Monday, May 16, 2011

forgive and forget

I trust people until they give me a reason not to. I let them in and let them get close to me quickly. It's this characteristic that has helped me to form some beautiful friendships, but it's also led to some serious hurting.

When someone hurts me, I shut down. My ex once described it as me taking the warmth and friendly out of my personality. It's how I protect myself from being disappointed again. Back in college, I had a falling out with one of my best friends. I'm not sure what happened -- it wasn't one blowout argument that ended it. It was months of passive aggressive comments, resentment and unspoken anger -- on both of our parts. I do know that I shut her out entirely, and nothing she could have done at the time would have changed my mind. Recently we've been back in touch, we've texted a little bit and have had dinner together a couple of times. It took me over four years to let that negativity go, and it felt so good when I was finally able to do so.

Recently I had a situation with a good friend of mine. I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say that it left me feeling upset and betrayed. I know that this person feels awful, and has apologized but I don't know how to move forward. How do you salvage a friendship once the trust is gone? How do you go back to being someone's friend when they've hurt you deeply? I can forgive, eventually. I always do. But can it ever be the same?

Tell me about how you've repaired broken friendships. Can you forgive? Have you been the forgiven party?

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