Thursday, March 17, 2011

the slow fizzle: conclusion

(Continued from this entry...)

We had made plans to hang out on Friday. When that day came he was non-committal (a usual occurrence) and finally at 7:00pm he let me know that he was going to his coworker's apartment to have some drinks. No invite, no apology, nothing. I let him know that it was rude to make plans and then flake out. We proceeded to have a fight over the phone where he told me that I was "micromanaging [his] entire life". He also said that if this was how I was going to react then he wouldn't make me any promises, followed with "Come on, it's not like you were going to do anything else tonight" after I mentioned that I could have made alternate plans. The worst part of that conversation was how it made me feel as though I had done something wrong and that maybe I was the one who was overreacting.

Awkwardly enough, we had made plans for him to come to Hyannis for my half marathon. I picked him up in the morning and he acted as if the entire argument had never happened. I think that one major difference between us is how we process. For him, we had the argument, and then it was done. For me, the heated discussion was only the beginning. But I didn't feel as though I could bring it up when we'd be spending the weekend around all of my friends. And honestly, I didn't need any additional stress prior to the race. He was incredible that weekend. He was affectionate, supportive and friendly to my friends. I dropped him off that Sunday afternoon, gave him a kiss goodbye and said that I'd see him later.

I haven't seen him since. That was almost three weeks ago. After a week of not seeing him I called and let him know that I felt as though he'd been incredibly disinterested the entire week and that I really felt as though he didn't want to see me. I also let him know how hurt I was that he felt as though he interpreted my desire to see him and make plans as micromanaging. He claimed that he said things out of anger and in the moment, and that he didn't want me to see it as a blanket statement of his feelings for me. The words "making plans and communicating is a two way street" actually came from his mouth. I hoped that our conversation would spur a change in his behavior. It did not. We haven't spoken on the phone since then and have exchanged only minimal texts. It's what I've referred to as the slow fizzle. It's like watching someone bleed to death from a paper cut.

It's not that I had such strong feelings for him - I don't really know if we'd been dating long enough for that. It's just stings. He's a coward for not being able to man up and be honest when I brought things up almost two weeks ago. I would have respected him for saying "this just isn't working". I would have been hurt, but I would have respected him and that decision. Instead he's totally retreated and has put his head in the sand until it all blows over. I could sit here and wonder what happened or whether I did something wrong, but there's really no reason to torture myself. It is what it is. I cannot control anyone's actions but my own. So I'm making the executive decision that it's over. If he won't say it - then I will. If he cared about me or respected me at all, then he wouldn't be acting in this way. I think he's actually done me a favor; his behavior has allowed me to put any feelings I had for him aside.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I handled things perfectly - but what's done is done. So that's it, folks. Full disclosure of what's been going on in my life. What about you, have any of you ever experienced the excruciating pain of the slow fizzle?

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