Friday, December 17, 2010

i wanna dance!

Tony: So, you're not gonna go to law school? What do you wanna do then?
Mike: I wanna dance!
-Dazed and Confused
When I was a little girl I told my parents that I wanted to be a pony doctor and deliver pony babies (my exact words). This was until my dad told me that I'd have to live in the middle of nowhere to be with the horses, and that I'd have to stick my hands up their butts. I don't know if the butt thing is actually true, but just the thought of living in the middle of nowhere was enough to change my mind. So I made the executive decision to be a lawyer. Always arguing and bargaining, it seemed like the logical choice, and one that followed me throughout most of my life.

Everything seemed to be going according to plan as I went through my four years of college as a political science major. After graduation studied for the LSATS, including one of those overrated prep courses. Imagine this: It's the day of the exam and of course I have to take it at a different college's campus and I get lost. Really lost. As in almost late to the exam lost. I do finally make it on time, although I am sweating like a whore in church by the time I slide into my seat.

The time seems to fly by and before I know it I am handing in my test booklet and it is time for the writing component. But wait.. why does everyone have paper in front of them except for me? Oh.. Crap. And just like that I realize that I neglected to detach the paper for the writing section. I'd handed it in with my LSAT booklet. Crap. I have to call the proctor over to my seat and explain that in my nervous state I don't have my writing section paper. She is not pleased and runs out of the room, presumably to tell everyone how stupid I am for having screwed up the easiest part of the exam.  Do you know what it's like to have 50 people stare at you, hating you for extending the torture that is the LSAT test? Welcome to my life.

Right before the proctor returns I hear someone from behind me say, "wow, I bet she aced that test". As if I don't feel badly enough. But don't worry, it gets better! Doesn't it always when it has to do with my life? The proctor returns and asks me to gather up my belongings and follow her. I swear, I thought she was going to kick me out of the exam for being such a putz. But no, she places me into a room with the people who get extra time for the exam, puts the paper on the desk and walks out. I spent the rest of the time trying not to cry and wondering if I'm ever going to regain my dignity (future self says no, no I will not).

I don't remember too much about the rest of the day, but I do remember walking out of the building and bursting into tears. I also remember my mom telling me that I should drink "a bottle of wine.. maybe two."

Oh, and by the way, I didn't get in to any of the schools I applied to. It was probably for the best considering I couldn't even complete the exam properly. Everything happens for a reason, right?! Right.


Unknown said...

I feel bad finding humor in this, since it essentially means your hopes and dreams were shattered, but the pony doctor/putting your hand up their butt thing: definitely true.

Unknown said...

don't feel bad! i posted about it because despite being a sad part of my life, i can look back on it, laugh and realize that it happened for the best.

and yeah, definitely not ever sticking my hand up a horse's butt.