Tuesday, November 9, 2010

facebook ruins lives

Every time I log into Facebook and see that yet another childhood friend/acquaintance/person I don't even remember meeting has gotten engaged or married something happens to me. I go from being a (sort of) normal, rational human being to an crying mess in less than four minutes. Below is a little glimpse into what goes on in my brain during one of those "episodes":
  1. Awww look.. so and so is engaged/married!!!
  2. That's a really pretty/ugly ring/dress!!
  3. I date assholes.. this is why I'm single
  4. I should go on a diet.. after this cupcake
  5. I can't even be a cat lady because those bitches make my throat close up
  6. I could have one of those really ugly naked-looking cats (see here)
  7. I think I'll get drunk now
  8. I'm going to die alone


LA Idiot said...

I doubt you'll die a alone. You know who will? The guy who got a myspace friend request from someone named "No Body" His friend request read:
"No Body wants to be your friend." hahahaha

Elizabeth said...

God I love that little cartoon! So glad I have you to share all of my Facebook emotions with...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, my old prom date just got married. I hear ya.

Every Little Thing said...

hahah you should watch the South Park episode about having no friends on facebook. it's a good one :)

maybe do a three day break and see how it goes? fb is probably as difficult to quit as smoking, so it might take a while.

Stephanie Anne said...

haha so funny jessie!

You totally are not going to die alone! But for now, alcohol will help lol

Unknown said...

I'm so glad you posted the "forever alone" meme

this is exactly why i hate and love facebook at the same time.

because as much self-pity/frustration as it brings, it brings just as many laughs

Anonymous said...

Even those creepy naked looking cats cause allergies because the allergens are in cat saliva. Sad day!

Unknown said...

@LA ba dum chinggg.

@elizabeth - i look at that picture and it STILL makes me laugh!

@ice - i'm waiting for my highschool boyfriend to get engaged. when that happens i'll probably projectile vomit everywhere.

@stacy - i'm imagining it'd be like detoxing off of drugs. i'd get the shakes, maybe cold sweats.. could be rough

@stephanie - doesn't alcohol always help?

@monica - facebook has ruined and made our lives better at the same time. THERE IS NO WINNING AGAINST FACEBOOK

@anonymous - so what you're saying is that i'm screwed in regards to the "cat lady" portion of my life. damn.

MelissaNibbles said...

Facebook keeps me entertained with it's arguments between people via status messages.

Dena said...

I just tell myself 50% of them will be divorced in 3 years. Now, when that 50% remarries and I'm still single (and highly allergic to cats) THEN I will be depressed. For some reason my initial reaction is always, "Gosh, We're too young to get married!" but then I remember I'm 27.

Unknown said...

@melissa - i LOVE when people argue on facebook. or when someone's relationship status changes and people all comment and it's super awkward

@dena - i'm allergic to cats too. i feel like i was robbed of my ability to be a crazy cat lady. and let's go with the "too young to be married!" idea. forget that we're in our late 20s..

Unknown said...

I know what you mean...theres like 40 girls from my hs with babies nevermind married. You will not die alone you just havent found anyone worthy of your sass!

PS you look great!

Unknown said...

aw thanks ashley!