Wednesday, October 20, 2010

it gets better

I was bullied.

In seventh grade all of my friends decided that they hated me and I was kicked out of the lunch table. I know it sounds silly, but that was a huge deal at my school. I moved to a different table and thought if I kept my head down that they would forget about their vendetta against me.

I was wrong.

I was called names - fat, stupid, bitch, to name a few. I was miserable but it wasn't that bad. Then, the ringleader started threatening me, telling me that I better watch out after school because I might get jumped when I least expected it. I was shoved in the hallway. One time, my head was slammed into a door. After coming home crying from school for two weeks my mom started dropping me off and picking me up. Looking back, I don't think that they had any intentions of physically hurting me (well, not too much), I think that scaring me to the point where I wanted to switch schools was enough.

My mother never fully understood what was going on. She assumed that I had somehow done something to upset the girls at school. She told me that if I stayed out of their way, that they would have no ammunition against me, that they'd eventually get bored and give up. She grew up in a different world, it seems, one where kids were not as vicious or violent towards their own. I wish I could have maintained that innocence.

What I went through was truly nothing compared to what some young people are enduring just for being who they are. My heart goes out to every one of the teens who felt as though they didn't have any other choice except to take their own lives. I wish I could tell them that yes, people can be mean. Yes, people can be vicious. Yes, people can be terrible. But, it gets better. Hold on, and hold out hope, because I promise it gets better.

To learn more about bullying prevention, you can go here.

7 comments:

Every Little Thing said...

good post :) what a coincidence your links show up purple!

it's a big deal no matter who it affects or how much it happens. it's always a big deal. there are people who can help.

the most important thing i tell the kids i work with is to KEEP TELLING UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. adults are way too dismissive of bullying. someone in your school will fight for you; keep talking until you find them!

j. said...

i wish i'd had you around when i was 12! my mother had no idea what to do and i think, to a certain extent, she thought that i was bringing it on myself. i wish i'd talked to someone at the school but i just remember being so frightened that they would hurt me if i did. my heart breaks for people who have had to deal with any sort of bullying, and what's sad is that it seems as though everyone has a story of their own..

AuntBT said...

Hugs!! I was actually going to post my own story today as well, will be stealing your links to share.

Thank you for being strong and sharing your story!!

Monica said...

I'm so proud of you for posting this.

j. said...

BT - i read your post and i want to say right back at you thank you for being a strong woman and sharing your story as well!

Monica - thanks, it was hard to write and it put me in a little bit of a bad mood afterwards, but i think it was good to "talk" about it.

Kori said...

Middle school is such a hellhole. My sister had all of her books stolen from her locker because she got in a fight with one of her girlfriends. UGH. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but now you're obvi a total rockstar.

j. said...

kori - kids are so unbelievably vicious at that age and i have no idea why. i'm sorry your sister had to deal with that and i'm sure she's a total rockstar now as well!