Tuesday, August 17, 2010

digging for gold?

Guuyyysss, I really want to resurrect guest blog Tuesdays. Come on, all the cool kids are emailing me their guest blog entries! Yea, I'm whining. Whatever.
So the lovely, hysterical Katie Ham was awesome enough to send along this hilarious entry for me to post. I hope you enjoy it - because it's about picking your nose. And I know for a fact that everyone picks their nose and anyone who says otherwise is totally lying. I guess I just admitted that I pick my nose on my blog, didn't I? Well.. on the scale of embarrassing things I've written about, this is, sadly, probably at the bottom. Enjoy!
You know how you wake up hungover and you have hangover boogers? The kind that tell you that you passed out face down in your pillow and slept with your mouth wide open and your nose is crusted with boogs? Right, I've been having that problem for like a couple months.. daily. Its unfortunate, but I keep my booger-picking to the confines of my own bedroom/couch and into a tissue. usually.

As a nanny, I've heard a lot of strange things, and seen a lot of nosepickers. It's not weird to me and it doesn't really gross me out. Whatever. But one of the little girls I nanny for... she's a trip. One evening, she pulls me into her dad's study where there are gorgeous painted photographs of each of their 3 children. Sara drags me over to hers and demands "does that even look like me?" Uh, it looks like it was painted 2 days ago, you look exactly the same. "Yes Sara, it looks like you, why?" "Ugh, because I mean just look at that nose. I'm going to have to get that fixed one day."
Oh yeah, she's 6.

One night we're sitting at the dinner table, and I'm being absolutely drilled by all 3 kids about my love life.

q: do you have a boyfriend?
a: nope
q: have you ever had a boyfriend?
a: yup
q: did you kiss your boyfriend?
a: you dont want to know this, but yes
them: ewwww!!!
q: do you still kiss your boyfriend?
a: well I don't have a boyfriend so no I dont kiss anyone [lie lie lie]
q: do you want to kiss a boy?
a: only if he's my boyfriend, and even then only maybe
q: are you a mommy?
a: no, you have to have a husband to be a mommy [more lies lies lies] and I don't have one, remember? I don't even have a boyfriend.
q: are you a grownup?
a: it depends who you ask, but as far as you're concerned, I'm as grown up as they get. [insert confused stares from 10, 8, and 6 year old]
q: have you ever kissed 2 boys at once?
a: Sara nice girls dont kiss 2 boys at once, and you want to be a nice girl right? now finish eating your salad.

Sara doesn't want to eat her salad. So, I pull out the completely unnecessary card that will probably scar her for the rest of her life and is the sole reason why I am not yet a mother, and I say "Sara, boys won't like you if you don't eat your salad. they definitely won't want to kiss you."

And what did she say back to me? With this smug little grin, "boys won't want to kiss you either if you keep picking your nose."

Touché, 6 year old devilchild who apparently caught me picking my nose enough to comment on it, touché.

No comments: