Wednesday, April 7, 2010

10 years

Ten years since she passed away and sometimes it still doesn't feel real.

In that ten years I've had my first heartbreak, went to prom, graduated from high school and college, moved away from home, was hired at my first real job, ran my first half marathon, received my first promotion, and countless other milestones. It's still bizarre to think that she won't be at my wedding, that we'll never throw her a surprise 80th birthday party that she would have pretended to hate but secretly would have loved. She will never see me in a wedding dress, or be an amazing great-grandmother to my children. She will never cook another grand holiday meal. I would like to think that had she not gotten sick that we could have made millions of other memories together, and maybe she would have taken me on that trip that we'd always talked about. Certain memories are fading - sometimes I struggle to remember the exact sound of her voice or her laugh, and that frightens me. Soon I'll have lived more years with her than without her, and that realization is like a knife to the heart.

Ten years later and I am still sad and angry that she's no longer here, but I'm also grateful for all of the special "just us" times that we had, and believe me there were many of those.

Call me cliched, but do me a favor - tell someone that you love them today. You won't regret it.

Joan Elizabeth Parker
11.13.33 - 4.07.2000

5 comments:

Courtney Hoyle said...

So beautiful.

Michelle said...

This is a really great post. Thanks for reminding us what's really important in stressful and hectic day-to-day life!

Katie said...

It sounds like you already have millions of really great memories :)

Doitagain said...

I think of my Gram pretty much every single day. Its only been 5 years since she's passed and I can still remember her voice, her hands, the way she used to let me lay my head in her lap when I was upset...she'd stroke my hair and all would be okay in the world.

She cooked the best biscuits and gravy and huge pancakes, and would jar peaches and bury them in the backyard.

Thanks for your post today, it made me smile and remember.

j. said...

Thanks Courtney!

And thank you Michelle - sometimes i get so caught up with life that you forget the really important stuff.

Katie - luckily i do have tons and tons of memories. i guess a huge part of me feels selfish because i want more, but i am very thankful for the time i had with her.

doitagain - what a thoughtful comment. sounds like your gram had a profound impact on you like my nanny did on me. and i'm glad that you were able to smile when you remembered her and your times together.