Sunday, March 28, 2010

edward vs jacob

Remember when I talked about the three things that would make me completely happy in life? Yea, I've only blogged about it a few million times. Snuggie? Check. Slider Station? Check check. That only leaves the TEAM JACOB T-SHIRT!

I was perusing my local Target, stocking up on the necessities. You know, Crystal Lite to go packets, sugar free gum and sandals. I mean, who doesn't need flip flops in March? I passed by the Twilight aisle. Yes, aisle. And I saw it. IT. The Team Jacob t-shirt. And it was on sale! If I had a single ounce of self respect somewhere in my body, I would have just kept on walkin'. But I seem to lack that, along with the ability to stop at one Cadbury egg or to say "no thanks, I don't need another shot!".

I had to buy a size large. I can only assume this is because the shirt is made for tweens who have to shove tissues down their shirts to fill out their training bras. I didn't care, lack of shame, yadda yadda yadda. I decided that the shirt needed to be used for a special occasion and what is more fantastic than an EDWARD FORTY HANDS PARTY? I decide to be really classy and wear my sweet new t-shirt and some stretchy pants aka the ultimate hostessing outfit. Behold:

Before we knew it, most of the guests had arrived and the forties started to pile up. For the record, I went with one hand of Old E and one hand of Colt 45. Again, all class, all the time.

The taping of the hands began and there was all sorts of cheers-ing, laughing, and eating of mini peanut butter filled eggs with our mouths (that was interesting, sucked those up like a vacuum. KEEP THAT HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER OK?). Alas, the finished product:

The night was full of laughs, binge drinking, and forcing each other to chug during random parts of the movie, She's the Man. The only problem came when I had completed one of my fow-ties. I have the bladder of a 87 year old woman and of course I had to pee. True friendship is when your pal, who doesn't have her hands taped to 80 ounces of beer, will pull down your stretchy pants so that you don't pee yourself. You are a pal and a confidant, thank you Jules, for being a friend.

PS - I hope someone out there got that reference. 

So, I did it. I survived Edward forty hands. And I did so with malt liquor. Win for the J-meister. Except, the way I felt on Saturday morning/afternoon/early evening? A loss all around. But, I truly believe it was worth it.


Mara said...

I heart you.
I heart you for being Team Jacob, and I heart you for quoting one of the best shows ever:)

Jessica said...

My stomach is churning looking at those 40s...brings back memories of chunking up St. Ide's special brew back in the day. Looks like you guys had a good time!

Elliott said...

I could have gone the rest of my days without thinking of that show ever again.

But thanks.

Unknown said...

mara - team jacob 4 lyfe!!

jess - i don't knwo what st ide's is, but i have a feeling it's verrry similar to the malt liquor..

elliott - tell me how ya really feel ;)

dogimo said...

"the Twilight aisle" - ain't that the sad truth.

Unknown said...

it's a twilight world, and i'm just livin in it joe.

dogimo said...

How long will it be before you combine all three?

Cookin' sliders in your Snuggie, with the Team Jacob tee on underneath.

Unknown said...

i'd be lying if i said i didn't already have the idea.

give me a week, i have to remember to bring the snuggie home from the office.

dogimo said...

That, or bring the slider station in to work!