Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the salsa situation

Back to guest blog Tuesday. Yet another amazing gem from Jacky. I hope that she never settles down or stops drinking, because that would mean that I'd have no more hilarious stories of hers to post here for you all to read:

I have two roommates in DC, one of which I went to college with…and the other I met playing adult kickball. Needless to say, we are completely ridiculous human beings, and I’m about 93% sure people invite us to parties just to provide their guests with some free entertainment. So, this one night, Alli (one of my roommates) and I are planning on heading out to Virginia to attend a party at our friend Jesse’s house. We aren’t going to know many people at the party, nor do we actually know Jesse very well. Thus, we absolutely must pregame, and pregame hard.

(Side note: my roommates and I pregame just about everything- nights out, dinner parties, kickball games, inauguration, and yes, house parties, despite how unnecessary this might sound.)

Alli and I start taking back margaritas like we’re getting paid…and next thing you know, the two of us have managed to drink the entire bottle of tequila. Getting ready while consuming copious amounts of liquor never leads to good things, and sure enough, my dress is about 4 inches too short of decent and my eye make-up could definitely earn me a few $$ at Barnum & Bailey. House party here we come!

We walk into this house, can barely say hello to the few people we know, and certainly can not handle holding ourselves upright near them and talking- bee-line to the couch it is. And everyone was staring at us! For some unknown reason, Alli and I convinced ourselves that everyone was staring because they thought we were homophobic (there were a lot of gay people there). When, let’s be honest, in reality, they were staring at my outlandish outfit, and our complete inability to function.

Right next to me on the couch is this tray of chips and salsa, and I (obviously) started to go to town on the snacks. I’m not sure how much time passes….when I look over at my hand, and it is completely submerged in the bowl of salsa. Oops. Either I had misjudged the decent into the chips or had completely forgotten to pick up the chip in the first place. Hmmm I wonder why people were staring. To this day we’re still not sure what I did with my salsa covered hand. Perhaps I wiped it on the couch (sorry Jesse!)…or perhaps I licked it off all of my fingers. (sorry everyone who had to watch!) It was sometime after this incident that we needed to “relocate” …next thing you know, I’m slapping some guy we have never met before across the face. He was not happy. Alli pulls me away- it is definitely time to leave. On our way out, we’re walking away with another group of guys who are very angry at some particular neighbor who keeps making noise complaints- what do we do? Convince them it is completely reasonable and rational for them to toilet paper her house in retaliation.

From this day on, we refer to every party in which we show up significantly more intoxicated than everyone else and cause a scene as a “Salsa Situation”- and trust me, there have been many….stay tuned. Oh and yes, they did end up toilet papering the neighbor’s house (police were called) and no, we have not attended another party at Jesse’s house ever again.

The Salsa Situation should in NO WAY be confused with The Situation from the Jersey Shore. I just wanted to make that abundantly clear.


Princess Malphaba said...

Well clearly the difference is, everyone LOVES the situation.

and the Salsa Situation sounds a little unfortunate!!! haha.

Mrs. Match said...

Ha, I've misjudged the decent into the salsa bowl sober. I love the codename though. :-)

Jesse said...

I think the readers should know that was actually the LAST party we've thrown at my house, and Jacky's antics may or may not have been one of the key reasons we've not since had multiple kegs and guests...

That being said, I'm always game to watch her at work after chugging a bottle of tequila.

Unknown said...

mal - well who the hell WOULDN'T love the situation? a crazy person. that's who.

date girl - i think we've all done that. jacky just does things with slightly less class than the rest of us. kidding I LOVE YOU JACKS.

jesse - so basically what you're saying is that jacky ruined that and future parties? we should flog her.