Tuesday, December 15, 2009

on penises

As I promised, a decidedly less serious blog topic than yesterday. Penises. We love to hate them. We hate to love them. Today's guest blog is brought to you by Joe. My blog was featured on Review Your Own Blog and he's got some other kick ass blogs too. One day he's going to write me a beautiful poem and post it here. Oh, but he doesn't know that. So, hey, Joe, can you write me a beautiful poem at some point? Thaaanks. Also, I think that this might be the first-ever guy blog. This is most likely because I think that there's only about four men out there out there in the whole interwebs that can deal with my pink paisley background and incessant girl-rambling. Anyway.. So, back to penises:

Good morning. I've been asked to address you tonight as a guest speaker, a guest blogger if you will, by our esteemed host j. here at kissing frogs. The topic was left open, but there was some mention of the fact that I may be perhaps the first or else, among the first males to appear on this site in a guest-blogger capacity. I don't mean to imply that this was the reason I was asked. I'm a feminist, so I naturally assumed that no such objectification or depersonalization to my mere sex organs (by "mere" I mean only in comparison to the top 5 percentile[Reference needed]) had occurred. I believe it was more in the line of a fortuitous aside, but I took that coincidence as my cue and ran with it as a natural topic to cover. In view of the pervasive influence exerted by the culture of the penis upon our society, perhaps: the natural topic to cover. Certain issues need to be addressed, and who better than me to do it?

Freud once said a thing or two on the topic of penises. In fact, it was a bit of a preoccupation with him. Naturally I assumed this was some sort of an overcompensation on his part, but disclosures in Jung's recently published "Red Book Diaries" suggest otherwise. I leave it to academia to sort that one out.

One thing is certainly clear: there are many penis myths that need to be dispelled. Perhaps the most widespread is that penises come in all shapes and sizes. In fact, they are almost all rather more oblong than otherwise. Another widespread myth is that an inverse correlation exists between the gross dimensions of a man's penis and the size/speed/showiness of his automobile. I need only note that I myself drive a 1990 Toyota Tercel to send that myth packing. Although that's perhaps a bad example, as I'm constantly smoking mustangs and camaros off the stop line in my bad sweet ride. As with so many things, it's in the way that you use it.

In closing, I'd like to thank j. for this opportunity to be here, and say a few things to you all on a topic that's nearer and dearer to some of us than others. I hope that even those of you to whom penises are not of particular interest, may still have found something worth hearing, in what I have had to say. And perhaps even, something to prompt you into giving the topic a second look!

Thank you for your kind attention.


Unknown said...

That certainly cleared up all mu questions!

Unknown said...

I feel the same way Eva!

dogimo said...

You know what I should have done? I should have closed it with some sort of "angle in" for the readers. I botched it. If I had to do it all again, it would end like, "So what sorts of experiences have you all had with penises? If you could ask a penis one question, what would it be - and what sort of answer would you expect to get? Given all of the advances of the past ten years, what sort of changes do you foresee in your attitudes toward the penis, in the coming decade?"

I just laid out this big fat stack of facts, without any real welcome mat for people who might have been disposed to let fly with random penis comments, had they only felt a bit more invited to do so.

Sorry J. I'll do better next time!

dogimo said...

Although I guess...as Eva says, maybe I just answered all the questions in the post?

Still, I fault myself for not giving better prompts for a jumping-off point for discussion.

You know what my problem is? I tend to put things out there like BAM, THERE IT IS. It's a conversation stopper, I need to work on that.

dogimo said...

I think I kind of tanked on this one. Sorry, j.!


I don't see what I left out! What could I have done better?

I thought about adding picture, for visual interest, or some sort of graphic? But I don't know, that might have been a bit too visually interesting for some. And a perhaps, bit too graphic for others.

Maybe the topic itself was the problem. I thought about vaginas, but that's a minefield in itself!

Unknown said...

haha don't be sort hard on yourself. it was a valiant effort. maybe you should take another stab at it and see how it goes.