Thursday, December 24, 2009

the incident of christmas past

With Christmas being so close that I can almost taste the upcoming binge-eating, I wanted to tell you all about the Cell-phone Pouch Incident of 2008. We now refer to it simply as "The Incident". Just another little peek into the insanity that is my family:

Christmas Eve 2008. Our tradition is to order take-out and then do the present thang. My parents say that we can only open one present, but we always convince them that it's stupid and to let us open them all. Basically, my brothers and I are greedy mo-fos who love ripping into presents. So on this particular Christmas I had gotten some sweet loot, a silver disc necklace with my monogrammed initials, six brightly colored pashminas and.. I don't know, some other stuff. I get to the last present and my mom says "I've been saving this one for last!". I'm pretty pumped to open it up because my mom has pretty damn good taste. The present is in a small rectangle box, and once I rip the wrapping paper off I notice that it says "Ugg" on it.

I'm confused. Too small to fit boots. And really, what other Ugg products do people buy?

I open it and it's...

A cell phone pouch?

Say whaaaa?

I say "so... uhh this is.. uhh..." and before I can say another word my mom yells "AN UGG CELL PHONE POUCH!! IT MATCHES YOUR UGGS! ISN'T IT SO CUTE?!"

At this point I'm holding it up with two fingers, looking at it, trying to figure out why the hell anyone would ever use such an item. I look up at my mom and I know that she knows that I hate it. And she is reeeeallly upset. Then she says, to my brothers and dad, "She doesn't like it! Can you believe it?! It's so cute! Jessie, just try it. Look it clips onto your belt loop!"

I tried. I really did. I put it on my belt loop and did my best to strut around the living room, but I just couldn't pretend to like it. When my mom asks if I really hate it, believe me, I want to lie. But, I've never been able to lie to my parents. Back in eighth grade my mom found a cigarette in my bag and when she asked if I smoked instead of saying no, I stammered and cried until I managed to spit out "...sometimes?". So right, unable to lie to my parents at all. The cell phone pouch incident is no different.

Before you know it my entire famliy is having a discussion about how cute it was, and how they are all shocked, ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED, that I hate it, how they all thought that I was going to love it. So apparently the cell phone pouch had been the topic of some discussion among between my parents and brothers. I mean, really? Do they know me at all? I was, and still am, slightly offended that my entire family thought that I would actually walk around with a CELL PHONE POUCH CLIPPED TO MY BELT LOOP.

Seriously?

Almost identical to the one I received, except mine was chocolate brown.
You know, to match my Uggs and all.

6 comments:

Megan said...

Oh my goodness! HAHAHA. I have to say, ugliest pouch ever!

Elizabeth said...

hahahhahahahahahha can't stop laughing. especially at the cigarette story in the middle of the ugg pouch story. LOLOLOLOLLLLL

j. said...

Megan - SO UGLY. and just this morning my mom and i went shopping and i picked out a pair of new cross-training sneakers and she was like "well at least this is something i know you'll like.. not like.. you know.. the POUCH" haha.

elizabeth - a story in a story, i thought you would enjoy that. and she brought it up AGAIN today. guess it's not going to be forgotten. my parents are like elephants, they remember EVERYTHING.

Harriet said...

hahaha ok please tell me you exchanged it for something else...

j. said...

harriet - i handed it to my mom and said "merry christmas!". she used it for a year :)

Dori said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA