Monday, December 21, 2009

i wish i was a little bit taller

So I'm sitting here at work rocking out to REO Speedwagon on Pandora. I don't know why I'm such a sucker for 80's power ballads, but.. I am. I mean, you guys already know how much I want a dude to stand under my window with a boombox playing In Your Eyes. This actually has nothing to do with what I'm about to write. So.. yea.. Sorry about that I suppose.

Last week I agreed to skip my new favorite Zumba workout class in order to go on a date. I was excited, as we'd had a pretty good hour-long conversation that wasn't filled with awkward silences or nervous laughter. At 7:30 pm I'm standing outside the bar waiting, amusing myself with some Bejeweled on my iTouch. Rationally, I understand that the fact that I have my headphones in will cause me to be scared shitless when he actually shows up. But, I don't really care because my NPR podcast is just too damn enjoyable.

I don't know why it's such a shock when I feel a tap on my shoulder. But it is. And in true Jessie form, I proceed to drop my phone, iPod and somehow my keys manage to go flying out of my pocket and onto the floor as well. Superb! The first thing I see of him is his pants. And I realize they're just a bit too short. And once I've plucked my belongings from the ground I am finally face to face with him. It's at this moment when I realize that we're the same. exact. height.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm 5'3"?

Because I am.

And so is he, apparently.

I decide that I have to make the best of this, and we go inside and sit at a high bar table. The first thing he says is "Do you feel really... short.. sitting at this table?" and I am thinking about dead animals and mass murders in order to stop myself from bursting out into hysterical giggles.

I spend the rest of the evening trying to understand how someone of that height could manage to have pants that were too short. I mean, pants are NEVER too short on me. I'm always swimming in them and have to beg my mom to hem them. One friend suggested that perhaps he was wearing "little boys pants," which of course nearly killed me.

At the end of the night, as we were doing the awkward goodbye thing he went to lean in and what do I do?

Give him the biggest bear hug EVER.

Moral of this story? No more first dates on Zumba nights.


Michelle said...

OMG I was totally anxiously anticipating it and it was everything I could have hoped for!

1. I'm really impressed that you accepted a date after your breakup! I'd hide away in sweatpants forever.

2. Following up on that, I could never bring myself to go to zumba class anytime!


dogimo said...

What's wrong with short dudes? Angus Young's only 5'2" tall. And, I'd be remiss not to add, he has no trouble finding short pants.

I hasten to point out that this spirited defense of short-stuff is in no way motivated by self-interest. I'm 5'11", which (for me) is average.

Unknown said...

michelle - i am so very glad that it lived up to your expectations haha. i did fight the urge to hide away but decided that it'd best for me to just get back out there. while i do miss the ex, i'm feeling so much better these days. and you should totally try zumba, i'm a hot mess and i still managed to do just fine.


joe - it wasn't just the height thing. it was the height thing, plus the short pants, plus the little boy hands that he had.. i just.. no.. i couldn't do it. maybe that makes me superficial, but i just couldn't.

dogimo said...

Ok, that I can understand. Little boy hands can be a problem. You can't whip off a blistering guitar solo with chub-stubs.

I'd never accuse you of being shallow, though!

Unknown said...

you can't rock out with little man hands, that's for damn sure.

and thank you joe. do you know that you're quickly becoming my favorite blogger friend?

dogimo said...

Careful saying that out loud or I'm going to get drawn and quartered next time I guest blog! :-D

It'd be worth it, though. So worth it!

Mrs. Match said...

awww much love to the shorties out there. Poor guys! I'm 5ft, and I'm guilty of only dating tall men. I know I should probably be dating 5ft 3 men, but I just can't! Did you hug him hard because he was pint sized and reminded you of a doll? Sorryyyy I couldn't help it! :-)

Maybe tall girls have short guy fetishes the way us shorties like tall men...hmmmm.

PS I have a giveaway going on my blog, please enter!

Unknown said...

i hugged him hard because i didn't want him to kiss me. but he did have a "doll"-like feeling to him...

ps - entered the giveaway. i hope i win!!

Rakel said...

coming from a zumba fanatic and instructor, you just don't skip class. whatever you're doing never ends up being nearly as good as the class you're NOT in.

Unknown said...

rakel - i have to agree. last night i went to zumba and when i left i kept thinking to myself "god this was WAY more fun than that date!"