Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I've just spent the last two or so hours crying, actually sobbing. Why do you ask? No one died. No one is in the hospital. I still have all of my limbs intact. No, I have been crying for the last 150 minutes because I just got the worst haircut of. my. fucking. life.

I can admit that this is incredibly vain of me. But I've always really loved my hair. It's super dark. It's thick. It's curly. It's just... pretty. Daniella at a salon in Somerville changed that tonight when she completely ignored the THREE PICTURES OF MYSELF FROM APRIL that I brought in and HACKED OFF SIX INCHES OF MY HAIR. She left me crying in the chair, looking like a cross between a fifty year old soccer mom and a little boy whose mom cut his hair by placing a bowl on top and snipping with those scissors that can cut through chicken.

I walked in today SO excited for my haircut. This is the description I gave her: just above my shoulders when it's dry/straight, some layers, a few angles in the fact, and a slight sidebang. She said she understood and went to work. I was facing away from the mirror for most of the cut but I should have said something when I felt as though she had been cutting for a little too long. I didn't end up seeing myself in my helmeted glory until she was done. And HO-LY SHIT was I displeased. She could tell that I wasn't happy, mostly because I started crying right there in the chair and the conversation went something like this

Me: It's short. Shorter than we discussed.
Stupid Asshole Dumbass Stylist: This is the length we agreed on!
Me: It looks like a helmet. A short helmet.
SADS: It's wicked cute! And look, so long in the back!
Me: I look like a soccer mom. And really? Long in the back? No.
SADS: Straighten it when you get home, I'd do it but I'd have to charge you

At this point I turned and gave her a look that, I swear, if lasers could have shot out of my eyes, bitch would have been dead on the floor in a nanosecond.

SADS: Ok! I'll go get the straightener. No charge.


SADS: SO MUCH BETTER! Wait! Let my tease the back for you
Me: No. Don't touch my hair again, thaaanks.
SADS: Do you like it? You know what you should try? One of those cuts that's shorter in the back and gets longer towards the front. It'd be all crazy and curly and it'd be WICKED CUTE!
Me: No.. I don't think.. No, I need to leave here right now.
SADS: If you have any problems, just call.. and uhh.. don't write me a bad review on Yelp!

Then she did this awkward laugh and it took every fiber of my being not to take the scissors from off the counter and stab her repeatedly. And what's worse, I paid for the haircut. AND I TIPPED HER? Why? Because as upset as I was, I can understand that people who work in the service industry make no money but I still wish that I had pitched a fit right there.


You be the judge - am I completely overreacting or did she give me the WORST haircut in the history of mankind? If you can't tell which is the haircut from today then I'm basically going to go throw myself into traffic. I showered and tried to see if I'd like it better curly but I refuse to post those pictures because I couldn't stop sobbing the entire time. So you'll just have to wait until I can pull myself out of this foul mood to see how it looks curly.

Before you all email me and say "ZOMG NOT A BIG DEAL" - I get it. There are more important things going on in the world and way bigger tragedies than an awful haircut. I will survive, I will be fine, my hair will grow back, but until then I AM PISSED AS HELL and I cannot wait to call tomorrow and DEMAND a refund.


Princess Malphaba said...

Aww Jess...
I totally get why you'd be upset. I hate when people are completely not on the same page as you. and It's pretty clear what you wanted!!! I'd be furious.
Obviously you can rock anything but if you're not happy then it doesn't matter what other people say :(
Bust out of the headbands, wipe those tears and will it to grow out. You'll be fine. But tells that SADS to find some new people to abuse!!!!

LindsB said...

I'm sorry you are so upset- I've totally been there too. And crying is totally acceptable!

I would 1. call the place and ask to see someone different to see if something can be done.
2. maybe use some mousse and just flip it out a little, like make the short do messy a little and go with it. 3. if all else fails headbands are super cute and in style.

It can be fixed, dont worry it will grow out soon. I know easier said when you are not the one with the haircut- but I think you are cool enough that you can totally work anything :)

Elliott said...

Hats are also super cute and in style. (Don't cry again, I'm just saying they are. Hats, that is.)

No jury would have convicted you after seeing the before and after pictures. It will grow back, don't go messing with it further or you'll regret it more. You're still cute, in a soccer-mom sort of way, but it's no 'before' picture.

I understand all of this, Lori tolerated 15 years of merciless torture at the hands of a bad stylist until she reached a breaking point and just stopped going to her.

j. said...

Mallory - i'd understand if i brought in a picture of someone ELSE but i brought pictures of MY hair, i don't understand how she got it so wrong. i bought 30 dollars worth of headbands and clips this morning. hopefully i can salvage this cut until it grows out

linds - i tried calling but daniella picked up (i'd recognize that squeaky voice anywhere) and freaked out so i hung up haha. i will call back at some point. but thanks, i appreciate you telling me that i'm cool enough to rock this awful 'do

elliot - unfortunately i can't wear hats at work. i guess that even soccer moms can be cute.. i was just hoping that it'd be another 10+ years until i got to that point..

Persha said...

Came across your blog for the first time.. I enjoyed reading it.. your writing voice seems natural and authentic.. and some posts made me smile :-0)

Keep it up...

MegPalmer said...

I know what you are going through. A bad hair cut is one of my worst fears! The good things is that it will grow back. And I'm sure once you have it for a few days, you'll learn to like it.
Luckily, you are a pretty girl & can pull it off!! :)
try to feel better!

dogimo said...

The issue with the cut isn't whether it's cute on you or whether you can make it work, but definitely the complete lack of taking clear direction. That's just unwarranted, unprofessional,

That said, you look so sad in the picture it makes me want to choke somebody! How easy can you make it, bringing in pictures of yourself with your hair how you want it to look! How can she even say it's what you discussed when you showed her a PICTURE of what you discussed?

Ok. Anyway. Having said that...I honestly think you could rock it even shorter? I think its the shape not the length that's bugging you. Get rid of the long back, go with one of those nape-of-the-neck but then layered and tousled out thick-halo'd angelic chanteuse moves.

Ah, don't listen to me, I'm just throwing out ideas. You've got great hair, experiment with it as it grows out, make the best of it and next time it's time for a cut, keep doing what you're doing - the next stylist won't be an idiot, hopefully.

Man I hate when you're looking forward to something like a treat, and then they TRICK you.

j. said...

persha - glad that you stopped by and enjoyed!

meg - thanks! i'm slowly, sloooowly getting used to it. whereas when i first got it i hated it with a fiery passion now i just... dislike it. haha - i'm getting there :)

dogimo - wow, thank you for the thoughtful comment! i think if i didn't look so absolutely miserable in the pictures then people would be a little more positive about the cut, but i couldn't help it! i think that if i didn't wear my hair curly most of the time, your suggestion would totally work. but i am going to experiment with it and see what i can do with it. as my friend said "thank god you don't have a round, fat face" so i have that going for me :)

bonjouritsjinah said...

You poor thing! I've been there too with stylists. I hope you get your money back, wtf. It's not totally horrible, I'm sure once you have a chance to get used to it you can work with it some. Ugh, SADSs.

j. said...

i did get my money back the next day! it equaled about what i spent on headbands, bobby pins and other hair accessories. i'm getting used to it and i actually think i may be starting to like it!

Anonymous said...

Blog stalker here. You're hysterical, so I stalk you.

ANYWAY...I'm finally growing out the worst haircut ever. It's finally to a point where I don't have to look like a polygamist just to get it off my face. I told her LONG (read: not short) layers, sidebangs. I got a cross between the Dorothy Hammill and a mullet. All b/c I didn't want to drive 35 minutes to let my boss cut it for free. (She cuts hair on the side at night.) She did the same thing...had me turned away from the mirror the whole time. Then she said, "Is this okay?" My reply: "I guess it'll have to be!"

j. said...

well anonymous, thanks for stalking me, and for thinking i'm hilarious!

oh god.. a cross between dorothy hammill and a mullet - that is one hell of a visual. wow.. just.. WOW. i'm sorry about that!

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine sent me the link to your blog. This same thing happened to me a month ago! Only I asked for shoulder length and the "stylist" cut the whole front incredibly short and left only the BACK shoulder length!! He cut me a mullet! I immediately had him cut the back off so now I have super short hair, something I never wanted or imagined myself having. Also, the bangs were so short, the style was awful and embarrassing. I cried and cried and felt ashamed going out in public. Eventually I had to accept it, not like it, but accept it and wait for it to grow. I bought some vitamins that are supposed to help.

Here's the blog I wrote right after:

If you want before and after Photos, see the next blog after or I'll email them to you.

Good luck. I know it's hard. Trust me when I say accepting that it is how it is but it will grow is much easier, but takes time.

j. said...

it's a bad haircut epidemic!! i just read your blog about it and sadly i can totally commiserate with how traumatic it was - but ohh man are you funny!

my hair is basically grown out now, i promise yours will grow to!! people are back to complimenting me on my beautiful hair, so your time will come as well haha