Wednesday, November 25, 2009

there's no place like home

There are two things that I do every time I make a trip back to Queens. One is to eat as much salad pizza as I can without projectile vomiting, obviously. The second is to get my eyebrows threaded. There are tons of places in Boston where I could get my eyebrows done. But, I'm cheap when it comes to such things. I always go to the same salon because I trust them and because it's $7.65 + tip and you cannot beat that.

So within three hours of arriving back in New York, I already had my butt in the chair. I can't even tell you how long it'd been since I last had my eyebrows done, but let's just say that my little circular magnifying mirror and little tweezers can only do so much. The woman goes to work and not long after I hear someone come in. She's YELLING on her cell phone and her accent is just so.. you have to be from Queens to understand it. Basically every woman over the age of forty who lives in this borough sounds exactly. the. same. But it's sort of jarring to hear it after not having been back to New York in over three months. Anyway, she's yelling about this and that, and eventually decides that perhaps the salon isn't the most appropriate place to have a phone conversation and says "I'm about to get my lip waxed, I'll caawwl you when I get home"

A few minutes later she screams, and I mean SCREAMS at the top of her lungs: "I WANTED MY LIP THREADED!! WHY DID YOU PUT WAX ON ME!! I ALWAYS COME HERE AND GET IT THREADED!! OH MY GAWD GET IT OFF OF ME I NEED TO LEAVE HERE RIGHT NOW"

The employee just kept repeating "You said wax! You didn't say threading!" over and over again. The woman was hearing nothing of it and continued yelling "GET IT OFF OF ME, IS IT GOING TO BURN?? I ALWAYS GET MY LIP THREADED, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO USE WAX?!"

This embarrassing scene carried on for... well, I don't actually know how long. That's because homegirl was still yelling as if they had waxed off her entire eyebrow (which actually happened to me once, remind me to blog about that on day). I'd like to think that it was the universe's way of saying, "Welcome back to Queens, J. - aren't you glad that it's only for a visit and not to stay?"

Also, if you've never had the joy of hearing all of the accents of the five boroughs, here you go. Don't say I never gave you anything:


No comments: