Thursday, October 29, 2009


I love Halloween. This is mostly because I love dressing up in stupid outfits and eating candy until my body shakes from the excess sugar. However, I hate all of the spooky stuff that this holiday brings. I especially dislike scary movies. I just.. freak out. Back in middle school I watched The Shining in my friend's pitch black, creepy ass basement. After the movie was over she turned off the television and in the dark, lunged at me while screaming REDRUM. I screamed so loudly that I woke up her mother, who was asleep two floors above us.

And then there was the time when I watched Silence of the Lambs by myself. During a wretched summer thunderstorm. My mother walked into the house, and said "Hi honey" and I proceeded to scream for the next ten minutes, convinced that she was going to eat my face.

Right. Like I said, not a fan of having the crap scared out of me.

So I'm not really sure how, during my senior year of high school, my friends convinced me to go to a haunted firehouse on Halloween. Clearly, I must have been on drugs. There's really no other explanation. I should have known that the night would take a bad turn, when, in line a man with a rat (albeit, fake) corners me. I am at the brink of tears and screaming "LEAVE ME ALONE" when he finally realizes that I'm serious and backs away.

By the time we actually enter the haunted house, I'm so on edge that I can barely think straight. I'm with three other friends and we each take turns pushing each other because clearly no one wants to lead the group. Eventually, against my will, I am shoved to the front. After a minute or so, we're walking over some sort of a bridge and I'm thinking, "Okay.. this isn't so bad.. I can do this.. This isn't so scary!"

Just then (isn't that always how it works?). I feel something grab onto my leg and pull. Of course I lose my shit, scream bloody murder, and fall to the ground. This sends shock waves through my friends and the people behind us and eventually everyone in the room is just.. screaming. At this point my friends attempt to pick me up, as I'm now holding up everyone behind me.

After a minute or so of my friends trying to get me off the floor they're starting to get pretty agitated and embarrassed. My friend leans over to me and asks me why the hell I won't get off the floor to which I reply --

"I think.. I think I peed a little bit when I hit the ground."

So beware folks. If you try to scare the crap out of me, you may be the one who gets the surprise when I pee on you. Actually, now that I think about it, this isn't the first time that it's happened.

Oh, and I think that when I hit "publish" on this blog entry I will have officially obliterated the last shards of self-respect I had been clinging on to. Actually, who am I kidding? I will always find new and different ways of embarassing myself.

Happy almost Halloween everyone, I hope that you don't wake up on Sunday looking/feeling like this:


Elizabeth said...

two years ago my friends and i went to this haunted house/maze/hayride place in PA and the maze, omg! explaining to people who weren't there mostly results in a big fail, but i will try!

at the beginning of the maze there was this pitch black tunnel made out of tarps or something. and there was a fan blowing the tarps in, so it was like walking in a pitch black tunnel that you can't get out of with the air blowing at you. IDK it was scary. and there was a man with a chainsaw who chased you out at the end.

Unknown said...

that basically sounds like my idea of hell. i probably would have peed myself there too haha

Mel said...

I pee my pants all of the time :-) Don't feel bad

Unknown said...

according to the wise billy madison - "you're not cool till you pee your pants"