Saturday, September 19, 2009

SCREW YOU KINKOS

Wednesday was a long day. By the time I was finished with work it was close to 10:00pm. I then headed over to Fedex Office to make 75 color copies of the Dean's presentation that I needed for 6:30am the next morning. It really shouldn't have been a problem, but of course, it's never that simple. In the life of Jessie, there's always some sort of epic snafu.

10:00 PM
I park my car in front of a hydrant with my blinkers on because I stupidly think that it couldn't possibly take that long to make these copies. I'm on the phone, joking and chatting with the boy as I take my handy flash drive and print one copy so I can make my way over to the color copier. After making 26 copies the machine just.. stops and spits out my credit card with a reader error. Greeeeaat.

11:00 PM
One of the two employees who is working at this particular FedEx Office declares that he needs to leave to go pick up his wife. This left one extremely incompetent man to deal with all of the customers (and there were several besides me). Since he can't get the copy machine to accept my card, he tells me that he will make the 50 copies for me on the printers that are behind the counter. I think, "Sweet! I'll be out of here soon". Yeaaa, I think that's what we call speaking too soon, wishful thinking, or just being plain stupid.

12:00 AM
He tells me that he doesn't understand what happened, but that the machine is jammed and he needs to help some other people before he can make the rest of my copies. He hands me the 20 copies that he made and they seem.. wrong. Why is that? Because it only includes the odd pages. I throw them down on the counter and tell the World's Worst Employee (tWWE) that he messed up. He looks me straight in the face and tells me that it's fine, that he just won't charge me for them. Then.. I proceed to lose my shit. I tell him that I don't give a crap if he charges me, but that I am NOT, under any circumstances, leaving the premises without these copies.

12:30 AM
Here's where I get passive aggressive. I'm on the phone with the boy, whom I have woken up because I'm basically crying. I understand that I'm being a huge baby, but I am too exhausted and tired to really give a crap, to be honest. So I'm on the phone just bitching about tWWE and how if I need to make a cot out of crumpled up pieces of paper, that I was going to stand there and wait until I had all 75 copies of the presentation in my hands. By the way, the other employee has not yet resurfaced, in case you were wondering.

12:45 AM
I understand that mistakes happen, and people fuck up. No one is perfect and I've made plenty of mistakes at my job. The problem with tWWE is that instead of correcting my problem, he puts his finger up and signals "one minute" and this only serves to make me more irate as he goes off to help another customer. Then I decide to walk right up to the counter and yelled out "As lovely as the last two and a half hours have been I'd really love if you could, you know, make these copies. Last time I checked, those copy machines weren't just to add to the ambiance of the place."

1:00 AM
At this point, I think that tWWE and I are basically even in our hatred for one another. Furthermore, I am starting to understand how people are driven to physical violence. All I want to do was take the incomplete, incorrect copies and literally shove them down his throat. Just as I am mentally lighting the building on fire, the other employee came back. HALLELUJAH! There is a God and he has taken pity on me by returning the only competent employee back to the premises. He takes my copies, scans them, and sends them to a working printer.

1:30 AM
I vow to never step foot in that hell mouth ever again. My FedEx Office saga concludes.. Again, there I go with the wishful thinking/stupidity.

6:00 AM
I check my account online and see that there are over 500 dollars in charges on the card. When I call to see how to get it settled, I'm told that the only way is for me to come back to the store. So help me God, if tWWE is there when I go in, I don't even know what I'll be capable of. I could end up getting arrested because I might actually maul him with my bare hands.

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