Wednesday, August 5, 2009

a word of advice v2.0

Remember my blog entry titled a word of advice? No? Well, I feel like there's so much information out there of what you should do on a date. However, I'm a bit of a free-thinker so I'm once again going to tell you how to piss off a woman and ensure that she ignores you for the rest of your life.

First you can set up a time in which you will pick her up. Then when it's fifteen minutes PAST the agreed time, you can text and say "running late, be there in ten" and show up forty minutes later. After that, you can tell your date that while she was sitting in her apartment, her stomach gnawing at itself with hunger, that you were standing outside your apartment talking to your roommates.

After that, you should drive around for thirty minutes looking for the restaurant and ignoring the woman's directions. Then, when you're finally, FINALLY seated at dinner you should just not pay attention to anything that she says. When she comments that she too is left handed you should reply "Yea, but I can't do everything with my left hand." When she asks what you're referring to, you should say, "Yea, I just can't finger a girl with my left hand." Oh, and you should say it really loudly so that both your date and the waitress cringe.

I mean, you really shouldn't need any more than that to disgust. But, if you really want to put the final nails in the coffin you should REALLY do is IM the woman a couple weeks later and say "I still think you're cute." and then proceed to ask for her honest opinion about how the date went.

Moral of the story? NEVER ask for an honest opinion if you don't actually want to recieve it.

The end.

3 comments:

Date Girl said...

Did this actually happen to you? What a creeper!

j. said...

I wish i could say that this didn't actually happen but alas... haha

PJ said...

Jeez, still a creep. Shiver.