Tuesday, August 11, 2009

that's not my name

See how guest blog Tuesday works? You, awesome readers send in your stories and I, awesome blogger, post them on Tuesdays. It's so simple! Please keep them coming. Today's guest blog is brought to you by Fawn and the letter F, for fake name. This entry will make all of you think twice for a moment before giving out a fake name at the bar. Here goes:
Looking back on my first two years at Michigan, I was a very friendly girl. And by friendly, I mean I spent more nights in the bed of someone from the opposite sex then my own. One night at a house party, I met Alexander, who after two long islands and a few turns on a shot-ski, I decided would make a good conquest for the night.
I never told guys my real first name when I was drunk– that night I was being a Carrie. Following our first night together, we exchanged numbers and after a week, he was my new FWB. He still thought my name was Carrie and I didn’t really care what name he was calling me as long as he continued to fuck me. Yes, 20 year old me was shallow. Though he had kick ass talents in bed, it didn’t really excuse his shitty personality and this very weird and creepy obsession he had with Alexander the Great. He had a statue of Alexander who he would talk to. Let’s all say it together, creeeepy. This and the fact he wanted a little bit more then a FWB relationship with me, caused me to stop all communications with him a month in. We ran into each other awkwardly for the next 6 months before he graduated but after that I thought I had escaped him.
Fast-forward a year and a half later when I am looking through my cousin Lauren’s* Facebook photo album and there is Alexander with his arm wrapped around my cousin and drinking beers with her boyfriend. I immediately freak out and call her sister, whose name is actually Carrie* incidentally and tell her everything. She laughs, calls me a whore and tells me not to worry. Fast-forward another year and now Lauren is getting married and having a bridal shower. We did all those obligatory family photos, which somehow made their way on to Facebook. By now, I had forgotten all about the fact that my cousin and Alexander were friends and he would see these pictures. I didn’t have a Facebook anymore, so I wasn’t worried at all. But Lauren and her sister, whose name I stole for that evening do.
Lauren calls me this afternoon to tell me about the very interesting conversation she had with a friend. He commented on the pictures, saying he didn’t know that her and Carrie were related and how he should have connected last times and that they both went to Michigan. Now, the real Carrie didn’t go to UM and this is when the good conversation ensues. Alexander tells her that he and the “girl on the left” (which is me) had a relationship during his last semester at UM and how we lost touch because we had never been Facebook friends (imagine that right?). After talking to her fiancé, Lauren calls me to confirm the fact that I had a month long relationship with a guy who didn’t even know my real first name. I came clean to my cousin, what else could I do following her telling me her fiancé heard play by plays of the nights I spent at Alexander’s along with everything else she knew. After telling her my version of the story, she laughs and tells me his Alexander the Great obsession is creepy but that is not reason enough to lie to a guy about my name. And that Alexander will be placed at a table at her reception with my fiancé and I, so that I really do learn my lesson about lying.
So moral of the story, it is never a good idea to lie. Karma is a bitch and will come back at you in the form of having to spend a very awkward dinner with a former FWB that you have to explain to your fiancé who has already heard too many “when I was a undergrad at UMich” stories. I am just now hoping he brings his statue as the +1 on his invite so my fiancé understands exactly why I had to lie about my name.
* Names changed to protect the innocent.

3 comments:

enjoyliving said...

hahahha oh my god. my bar name is liz, and i used to use it quite often. this kid i met freshman year could never remember my real name, so finally i tell him it's liz and he goes ' YES, LIZ! i remembered' it was hysterical. so from then on he made a point of 'remembering my name' whenever i saw him.

j. said...

i love the phrase "bar name". i'm going to call you liz from now on! :)

Monica said...

hahaha this is amazing.