Monday, August 17, 2009

here's to you mrs. robinson

OkCupid has proven to be a source of endless stories. Whenever I think of canceling my account I inevitably get a fantastic email that makes me change my mind. This one is brought to you by Joe, aged 19, from Billerica. When I first read the email I thought, "this can't be for real, right?". Well, actually when I first read it I laughed so hard that coffee came through my nose, but that's neither here nor there. This is what good ol' Joe had to say, or rather, request:
Hi, My name is Joe. I'm 19 years old and trying to enjoy every minute of it. I've had sex a couple times and I didn't like it that much. Thats why I'm looking for someone of experience to teach me how and show me what I've been missing out on all this time. Its a win-win situation, you get a young nineteen year old and I get to learn how to be a better lover. Can you help me out?
I should have left it alone, but I think that you all know by now that it just isn't my style. So of course I responded, you would have done the same if you were in my situation. I replied:
Wait, what? You have to be kidding. This is a joke, right?
He was apparently not joking nor was he amused by my response and only managed to write back:
No, it's not.
Oh, looks like I hurt Joe's feelings. On the up side, at least he knows how to use correct capitalization and punctuation. Good to know that the future sexual predators of America are being taught well by the public school system.

6 comments:

Furniture removal said...

Oh my! Is he that desperate?

Wellington Jobs said...

Does he really have to advertise that over the internet? That’s ridiculous, he’s too young. Can’t he get a girl/woman for himself? Is he really that hope less? That’s absurd.

Monica said...

the poor poor kid haha.
that's so fucking creepy!

k said...

i love okcupid. when my boyfriend and i started dating, i was like...should i just keep it for the lols?

Anonymous said...

Dude, you women laugh and make fun of guys for doing this, because you get offers all the time. It's cool to call guys 'creepy,' no? But try walking a mile in our shoes. Hell, I've spent God-knows how many years dressing well, going to dances, I look attractive, go to a great school, etc etc etc, but just because I'm terribly shy I have serious trouble having relationships, making friendships, or even getting laid when I'm totally miserable due to this all encompassing loneliness. Creepy? Not really, my acquaintances all say I'm fun, I just don't get close because I'm afraid of people. Seriously, if most shy women were put in man's bodies, they'd be so shunned and derided for being antisocial that they'd off themselves within a year. This guy is TRYING to get a woman and be a better lover. Good for him! It's normal and natural. It's your problem that you're a bitch, and you humiliate him in person and publicly. Sometimes I think all humans are selfish assholes.

j. said...

Wow, anonymous, looks like I hit a bit o a raw nerve there. I'm sorry that you're terribly shy and have serious trouble having relationships, making friendships, or even getting laid. Maybe you're not creepy, but I found the idea of being propositioned for sex by a 19 year old fairly creepy. To each their own, I say.

I will have to politely disagree that I'm a bitch. Can I be bitchy? Sure. But all in all, I'd have to say that I'm a pretty nice person. In this situation, bitchy would have been putting his picture and OKCupid username in my blog entry. What I posted was strictly for my, as well as my readers, enjoyment.

So I apologize if you didn't enjoy the blog entry, and I'm sorry that you think that all humans are selfish assholes.