Thursday, July 30, 2009

you're going to put that WHERE?

I understand that sometimes my blog teeters on the line of oversharing. This entry is just another example of how I don't have any concept of what's considered "too much". So, yea sorry about that.

For all the femmes out there, you know the joy of a yearly appointment with "the lady doctor". Yes, every woman looks forward to the time of year for the half an hour when dignity goes on the shelf and is replaced with a medical gown and her feet in stirrups. Don't worry, I won't go into detail because the women know what I'm talking about and the men will never need to know.

I first went to the gynocologist at the age of 18 at my mother's insistence. She (correctly, I may add) assumed that I'd had sex and wanted to make sure that everything was okay, you know, down there. So we headed off to her doctor and good lord was I nervous. And in true form this fear manifested itself in the urgent and constant need to pee. So when my name is called my mother stands up to go into the room with me.

Just a small aside -- Let me just say that my mom is the type who still comes into the fitting room with me to this day. Whenever I've objected I get the "I gave birth to you, you came out of me. I can watch you try on a few shirts from Old Navy." Bravo mother, for that I have no recourse. However, I draw the line at her joining me for my yearly pap smear. Sorry, but no.

So I am sitting in the examination room in the little gown that never seems to cover the parts you'd like it to. Lady Doctor asks me if I'm sexually active and I hesitate, unsure of how to answer. I finally reply, "well.. not right now." LD explained that if I'd had sex even once it meant that I was sexually active and we both shared a chuckle. So I'm thinking, hey, this isn't so bad, why does everyone complain about the gynocologist? I start to calm down and my nervous urge to pee starts to subside.

Then she asks me to put my feet in the stirrups and out comes the speculum. And that was the end of that.

Remind me to one day blog about how my current Lady Doctor once convinced me that I had HIV and a misdirected phone call from another gynocologist's office convinced me that I needed surgery.


Nik said...

OMG! I love how, when you're all in the stirrups, and the LD insist on having casual conversation with you like, "So, how's work going? What about American Idol last night? etc . . ." I'm like, get in, get out, and get it over with lady!! No need for small talk! HA!

very nice J. I feel ya chica! :-)

Jade said...

My mom still goes in the dressing room with me. I actually trust her opinion more than anyone's because she doesn't lie to spare my feelings. There's none of that "Ohh it looks ok!" It's "that makes your stomach look huge." You have to love our crazy moms!

Unknown said...

nik - my current gyno makes small talk ALL THE TIME. she doesn't understand that i do not want to just chat with her.

jade - a+ to our crazy mommas!

Nik said...

"small talk" must be a requirement at gyno school or something . . . ha!

Anonymous said...

Oh, man, I have to go to the LD tomorrow for my yearly check up. Mine is also a small talker -- can't wait to hear what she has to say tomorrow.