Tuesday, July 7, 2009

my precious.

My mother will stop at nothing to marry me off. Sometimes I feel as though she's about to break into a rousing rendition of "Matchmaker, Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof. Anyway, last week, at my uncle's funeral was no different for my mother. After the services I jokingly said to her, "Is it totally inappropriate that I thought that the rabbi was sort of good looking?". She replied "Well, did you see if he had a ring on his finger?" Unfortunately, she later found out that he was married. Her dreams of me marrying the rabbi of an orthodox temple were dashed forever. Have I mentioned that she's Catholic? It's my dad who's the Jewish one, and just barely.

Then she had a BRILLIANT idea -- "Jessie, why don't you join that J-date website?"

"Uhhh because we're not REALLY Jewish? Putting a menorah in the window and going to Aunt Shari's for Passover does not a Jew make, mom"

Then my aunt, also Catholic by the way, chimed in with "YES! You should join J-date! That would be a ton of fun!"

Facepalm. It's almost like my mother is recruiting family members to guilt me for still being single. Next thing you know I'm going to get a phone call from my eighty-something year old grandmother saying "Please, just give me a grandchild before I die. Please? Just one."

She is the Sauron to my Frodo. Constantly watching, judging, and sending evil forces to guilt me about my single status. Yes, I like Lord of the Rings. Don't judge me.

8 comments:

Julia L. said...

Did you just compare your mother to the burning, omniscient EYE in LOTR? Are you THAT much of a dork? YES! love it.

jessie said...

you bet your sweet ass that i did!! :)

enjoyliving said...

HAHAHA freshman year in college i was friends with a bunch of jews (a result of having a jewish roommate) and i think some of them have signed up for jdate now. i mean, at 24 they are practically spinsters. you, at 25? it's useless.

Melissa said...

Your mom sounds hilarious! Can you send her my way...my mother never wants to set me up with anyone!

jessie said...

At almost 25 1/2 i am pretty much a dinosaur. I should probably freeze my eggs next week, no?

jessie said...

Melissa - i'll box her up and send her your way, how does next week sound?

Natalie said...

a senior website is looking better and better every day isn't it? ;)

dogimo said...

That's so funny. And she just wants you to PUT ON THE RING, so you'll fall under its sway and become a mini-Sauron!

Yeah, my mom's catholic too.