Wednesday, July 1, 2009

hungry, hungry hippo

The way to my heart is undoubtedly through my stomach. My friends joke that if I don't eat every three hours that I turn into a huge angry gremlin, and that's about right. It's quite normal for me to carry several different food options in my purse at all times. TUR(d) makes fun of me for the time that I pulled not one, not two, not three, but FOUR clementines out of my bag while out shopping. What can I say, I'm a hungry, hungry hippo.

So anyway, today I spent 4 hours in the car driving from Boston to Queens. A combination of rain, traffic, and fucktards driving on I-95 ensured that I was in the car for an hour longer than usual. By the time I walked into my house I was basically ready to eat the next thing that came in close proximity to my mouth. My mom went to hug me and I really thought I might unknowingly take a nip at her. So I stuffed my face with a couple of California rolls, some meatballs and then a couple of chocolates. Oh you know, just a snack to hold me over until I could get my favorite food in the world...

SALAD PIZZA.

What's that you say? You don't know what salad pizza is? It's only the most glorious of food in. the. world. Basically it's made by cooking a cheeseless pizza. Once it cools, you add a salad that's tossed in Italian dressing. I kid you not, it is freaking fantastic. And I've yet to meet one person in Boston that doesn't look at me as though I have two heads that are both wearing Yankees hats when I ask about it. So whenever I head back to Queens I always make it a point to get some.

So I asked my dad to get me some for dinner. Why did I need him to take me? Because I had spent 4 hours in the car in traffic in the pouring rain and wanted to hang out with my daddy. STOP JUDGING ME, BITCHES. We headed to our favorite pizza place and they told us that they were out and wouldn't be making any more salad pizza pies tonight.

EXCUSE ME? I tried to explain to him that I had driven 210 miles in a torrential downpour just for this freaking pizza. He looked at me and was all, "uh huh, ok.. do you want anything else instead?". So my dad took me to another pizza place and there was a lone slice with my name on it. I dug it only to discover that it was disgusting. The lettuce was soggy and it was covered in olives. I freaking hate olives. So I pouted and moped the way any 25 year old would around her dad. This continued for a few minutes until he promised that he would go earlier in the afternoon tomorrow to get me a couple of fresh slices of my beloved salad pizza.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you turn a fail into an epic win.

By the way, when I searched for "hungry, hungry hippo" this came up. I am slightly disturbed:

3 comments:

Julia L. said...

sounds like best. pizza. ever. I think I just want to make one... wow :)

dogimo said...

OH MY GOD SALAD PIZZA!!!!

j. said...

dogimo - no one i've ever met outside of the ny area even knows what it is. it's glorious, glorious food!