Wednesday, July 15, 2009

the birds must die.

I am so irrationally angry right now. I'm sure you're so shocked, right? Just completely bowled over with surprise since I'm normally so mild-mannered. I swear that this is justified. Once again I was awoken out of a dead sleep at about 1 am. Why, do you ask? Oh, how thoughtful of you to inquire, please let me tell you. BIRDS. There are birds chirping outside my fucking window morning, noon and night. I can deal with birds chirping in the early hours of the day because, hey that's what they do. However, when it's after midnight on a work night I would love it if they could take their bullshit conversations to a place that is far, far away from my window.

It reminds me of the subplot from Failure to Launch (which I bet about three, other than me, have ever seen). Zooey Deschanel's character is being tortured by a mockingbird that sings outside of her window all day long. She basically goes crazy and goes on a mission to kill the bird. I feel like I should go out and buy some sort of a pellet gun or something. And really, I am a heavy sleeper. It's like the birds are having a goddamned frat party directly outside my window.

Anyone who knows me knows that you do not interfere with my sleeping. A sleep deprived Jessie is not a fun Jessie, not for anyone. So, I am going to try to buy some ear plugs tonight, and if that doesn't work, I'm seriously going to be asking for recommendations for bb guns. Are they even legal to buy in Massachusetts? Oh well, if not, I can just drive up to New Hampshire. Everything is legal there, right?

I 've actually lost track of how many times I have done a Google
image search for "shut the (enter expletive of your choice here) up".


Date Girl said...

Haha, I've seen Failure to Launch, and I loved how pissed she got at that damn bird.
I feel your pain, but for me, my bird actually lives inside. I recently found out he has "spoiled bird" syndrome, so he screams whenever I'm not paying complete attention to him. This includes when I sit right next to his damn cage watching tv. If he doesn't like the channel, I hear about it. I do wish there was bird obedience school or something...

Nik said...

It's so funny because right after I read your first paragraph I was like, "Hey that's just like that SJP movie!" I've seen it too . . . ha! I'm sorry to hear about your bird problem! Do you have a cat? Or maybe you could borrow someone else's cat. Not to kill them (heaven's no!) but to scare them! Ha!

Like your blog . . . I'm a follower now. :-) Come check out mine, if you want:

Unknown said...

Date Girl - that bird sounds like the biggest attention whore haha. :)

Nik - I am impressed that someone other than myself has seen that movie! I don't have a cat or any friends with cats.. maybe I will ask around for a loaner haha. I put your blog in my google reader subscriptions and I'm going to put your link in my sidebar!

Nik said...

Thank you so much for the link and google reader!!! Yea!!!!

Nik said...

Oh ya! I almost forgot! I put you in my sidebar too!! OK gonna stop with the commenting now . . . ha!