Thursday, June 25, 2009

a word of advice

This post goes out to all the men who read my blog, all two of you. Here's some advice on how to really quickly piss off and disgust a girl whilst on a date.

First you can get too drunk to drive yourself home. Then you can cuddle up next to her sweetly. After that you can quietly whisper in her ear "can we have sex?". When she laughs hysterically and says something to the effect of "oh hell no" you can shamelessly beg until you realize that it's just not going to happen. The smooth lothario that you are, you can follow up with, "well can we have almost sex?". Sadly for you, that garners the same reaction, plus anger. The woman will then look on the night stand and notice that you have ever so subtly put a condom there.

Ah you trickster. So smooth. So sly. So not getting laid. Ever.


Mrs. Match said...

Or there's the ever classy line, "How about just the tip?"

Unknown said...

i feel as though that's maybe what he meant by "almost sex" but i guess i'll never know since i don't plan on seeing him EVER again.