Tuesday, June 9, 2009

everybody poops

Seeing as how my pee happens is far and away my most popular blog EVER, I know that my readers will definitely enjoy this guest blog entry. On my 21st birthday I puked after chugging down an Irish Car Bomb with a bunch of strangers while wearing a penis crown on my head. Fortunately for me, my coming-of-age birthday wasn't nearly as exciting as it was for Miss Elizabeth:

I've been meaning to do this guest blog for weeks now. it's just that, it's a very very hard story to put into words. But I'm sure as hell going to take a stab at it. It's a 21st birthday story. and we all know how those nights turn out. But my 21st got a littttle bit more interesting than most people's. Let's just say THANK GOD I blacked out. this is the pieced together story of the drunkest night of my life....

Me and all of my best girls headed to downtown Columbia, South Carolina on the eve of my birthday. Having been drunk maybe three times in my life, you'd think I'd try to be a little bit responsible and play it cool. Nopppppe, I proceed to start washing down Jagerbombs with bud light. Classy. At about 12:18am my friends throw me in a cab to go home. By myself. 18 minutes after i turn 21. I barely get back to my best friend's house and get in my pajamas and pass out on the couch. I vividly remember my last thought being, "sweet, I made it home and didn't even puke."

I wake up the next morning ON TOP of an air conditioning unit in a totally different set of pajamas. There's a line of throw up from the couch to the bathroom. The toilet is clogged. The first set of PJ's i put on are completely washed and now in the dryer. Aaand i can't find my underwear. My friend claims I was on the AC unit when she got home, but didn't I pass out on the couch? Aaand then i have two flashbacks. 1. I woke up puking and ran to the bathroom. alright, not so bad. But wait...2. I was throwing up so hard that I, um, well, oops....

Now do you see why this story is so hard to write? I may as well just have told you all this: I went out for my 21st birthday. Got shitfaced. BLACKED OUT. Started puking. Puked so hard that I crapped my pants. Flushed my underwear down the toilet. Changed into fresh clothes. Washed my throw up clothes. Climbed up on the AC and fell asleep.

I'd call that an epic 21st birthday fail.

Oh, and I never found my underwear.

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