Tuesday, May 19, 2009

guest blog: FML

It's stories like the one below (and many of my own) that make me wish that it was possible to round up all douchebag exes of the world (both male and female alike) and send them to some deserted asshole island. Then they would no longer be able to make our lives a living hell and they could go infect each other with their unique brand of douchebaggery. Wouldn't that just be a perfect world? So thank you to my anonymous guest blog friend for submitting this story, and if you need someone to shank your ex, I'm the gal for it:

I've recently started sleeping with my ex-boyfriend again. He's a flying, massive, gaping asshole. I decided to stay there on Saturday... and Wednesday. I accidentally left my keys on his kitchen table. He's had them since. Today, over g-chat, because heaven forbid he picks up a phone, I finally get wind that my keys are in fact, in his possession.

He informed me that he was going to leave work at 3 pm to have a relaxing afternoon at home. I got the green light to leave work as well, and suggested to him that I might come over for a little afternoon delight.

Me: Sweet. I'll come over and grab them so you don't have to walk 20 blocks to my office in the 70 degree heat. It will be fun to spend the afternoon together.
Him: I think I'll just walk to the starbucks near your work and give them to you.

FML.

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