Wednesday, May 20, 2009

cheese please?

Once again, let's travel back to my senior year of college. I think that I've already expressed what a shit show it was. We spent more time drinking at the bars around Allston than anything else. One night we had a Golf themed mixer (each "hole" is a different drink) and I was pounding them back like it was my job. I should have known that since my roommate was the social chair that the drinks would be deceptively strong and quickly knock me on my ass. Most of the night is a complete blur, but the facebook pictures that popped up made it look like I had quite an awesome time.

I wake up the next morning, with a raging hangover (seems like a pattern with me, no?), still in my clothing, and on the couch. My hair is literally in one huge knot and as I'm trying to untangle it I start to smell something. It smells like.. cheese. Weird. Then I realize that the smell is coming from me. Why do I have clumps of parmesan cheese stuck in my hair? Where is my phone? Why am I on the couch? Whose shoes am I wearing? These are all questions that I am unable to answer on my own. I have to put all of these on hold, however, because the smell of the cheese combined with my hangover is making me gag, so obviously a shower is needed.

Once I've scrubbed my body and pulled about half of my hair out in order to get the knots out, I set about trying to figure out what. the. hell. happened. I go into my room and my purse is on my doorknob. Everything is in there. Except my phone. Ugh. So I borrow a roommate's phone and start making calls to various people trying to locate it. No dice. Then I have to call my dad and tell him that I lost it. When he asks how, I have no response and immediately I know that he knows that I am a drunk fool. He suspends my service and I am sufficiently ashamed. Fail.

A couple hours later another roommate comes out and I'm whining to her about how I lost my phone and she goes "No you didn't. It's in my room. And GOD your ringtone is annoying." I have to then call my dad and tell him that I am still a drunk fool, but one that hasn't actually lost her phone. He seems even more annoyed with me than before and I know that again, I have failed.

As it turns out, I was very drunk at the mixer and needed to be walked home by one of my roommates. She decided that since her shoes were really unstable and uncomfortable that she would put them on me and walk in my flip flops. Oh, brilliant idea. It took about 45 minutes for me to walk the 6 or so blocks from the frat house to our apartment. In that time I maanged to pull my foot out of one of the shoes, fall onto the ground and lay with my hair in the gutter. Laughing hysterically. Ladies and gents, that would be how the cheese ended up matted into my hair. Roommate had to ask a random dude to help walk me the rest of the way back to the apartment. Thank goodness for that.

I was told that for the duration of the walk I kept looking at my phone and going "WHOOO AM I GOING TO CALLL TO MAKE OUTT WITHHH. OOOH HIM!" When my roommate commented that I didn't even like him that didn't deter me. So in order to stop me from embarrassing myself even more, she took away my phone. Apparently upon entering the apartment I ran into the living room, straddled another one of my roommates and proceeded to pass out on the couch.

So that's the story of how I managed to lose almost every ounce of dignity in one night. But hey, at least I didn't lose my phone! And for the record, to this day, the smell of parmesan can still make me gag.

1 comment:

The Runner Girl said...
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