Thursday, April 23, 2009

pee happens

I haven't embarrassed myself in a while, so hey, why not today? It's pretty cathartic to talk about how stupid I can be, especially when I've consumed my weight in shots. So, let's go back to my senior year of college. As you've noticed, many of my fall-down-drunk stories take place in this time frame.

Anyway, after Christmas break my brother and his friend spent the weekend in Boston before classes started up again. My roommates and I decide that we have to show our guests the best that Allston has to offer - namely White Horse. Miller Lite and J├Ągerbombs flow like water and 2 am comes way too quickly, as it often does in Boston. Back at the the Bordello (our fond name for our apartment), we all drunkenly eat snacks, and pile onto the couch before passing out in our designated sleeping spaces. Or so I thought...

I wake up in the morning completely and utterly hungover. And I'm in different pajamas than I fell asleep in. Don't ask me how I remember this, as so many other more important facts seem to have been permenently banished from my brain. I stumble into the living room and my brother and his friend are staring at me. Then they break out into hysterical and uncontrollable laughter.

After about seven minutes of nonstop laughing my brother seems to be trying to get a sentence out. I cannot understand him between gasps and snorting. Finally he yells:

"LAST NIGHT YOU PASSED OUT ON TOP OF BOBBY AND PEED ON HIM AND THE COUCH"

Oh my god. Is this seriously my life?

I mean, what do you do when you've passed out on your brother's friend and then proceed to drunkenly pee ON him, thus soaking not only the one pair of jeans that he brought with him for a 2 day stay but the couch as well?

Do his laundry, buy him a six pack, and pretend that it never happened. Then you buy a shit ton of fabric cleaner and scrub the couch cushions until your fingers bleed. Obviously.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

THIS happened to my roomate! okay not the peeing on someone..but she peed on our SUEDE couch. And slept in it. All night.

Anonymous said...

ps thats from me! (____Char)

jessie said...

oooh a suede couch. at least mine was fabric. and i didn't sleep in it - i drunkenly retreated to my bed haha.

Anonymous said...

well, i have to say that this is a priceless story....but not as priceless as me throwing up jagerbombs so hard that i pooped my pants. i'm not saying who this is but i'll give you one clue: go gamecocks.

jessie said...

haa i totally know who this is!!