Thursday, April 30, 2009

i've got a big lesbian crush on you

Another ridiculous story involving my mother. I probably have enough material to have a blog only involving the hilarious things that she says to me.

Last night I decided to give my mom a call while on the way to the supermarket. After five minutes or so listening to her speak about her colonoscopy (glorious), she asked me if I'd seen a picture her friend had uploaded onto Facebook. Yes, she's my friend on Facebook, moving on. I said no and brought up all the funny pictures I'd taken on my West Coast adventure and asked if she liked them. The absurd conversation continued as follows:

Mom: They're not very funny. You look sort of.. butch in them. If someone didn't know you they might think that you're... a lesbian.
Me: Because I'm wearing fake sideburns and mustaches from a vending machine that was in Del Taco? It was obviously a joke.
Mom: Daddy and I want to know.. are you?
Me: Am I what?
Mom: A lesbian.

Keep in mind that I am standing in the middle of the produce section at Super Stop and Shop. I start laughing so hard that I almost drop the phone into the lettuce display. I finally manage to get myself together and continue on.

Me: Wait, are you serious?
Mom: If you were, Daddy and I would be okay with that. You could tell us that sort of thing, you know that right?
Mom: I didn't say that you were!! I don't actually think that you are!! But I'm just saying that it would be okay if you were.
Me: I gotta go, Ma. I'm at the supermarket and it's the perfect place to troll for chicks, bye.

When I got home, I thought it would be funny to write on her facebook wall, "Thanks for calling me a lesbian!". I realized later that this was fairly stupid to do and went to go delete it only to find that she had UNFRIENDED. We then proceeded to fight via AIM for about half an hour. I felt like I had been transported back to middle school, when I used to fight with my friends about stupid things like who sat where at the lunch table or where to go eat after school. If she could have figured out how to do it I'm pretty sure that she would have blocked me from her buddy list or something just as mature.

I guess since I'm not out having wild, irresponsible sex and telling my mom all about it, then it must mean that I'm a closeted lesbian. Next time I go out I'll make sure to do body shots and have a friend upload the pictures to Facebook to quell her fears about my sexuality.


Natalie said...

i'm really scared of what the world would be like if our mothers joined forces. or would that be too lesbian of an arrangement?!

Elizabeth said...

yes...i am 25, single and haven't had a boyfriend in years. does that make me a lesbian? not quite.

i don't think my mom believes me either...

LindsB said...

i was laughing so hard at this story that the BF goes whats so funny, so I read it to him too and now he is dying laughing. Great story!

teague said...

2funny! i'm sure my parents wondered that about me from time to time.....hey! I wonder that from time to time! lol!