Tuesday, March 17, 2009

thanks again mom!

Remember my friend Jane and her really awful but hilarious nudey picture and mom story? Well that reminded me of another story of my own. My sophomore year of college I dated a boy who lived in Queens, Joe the Plumber. He drove up with his friend to attend my semi-formal and thought it would be a good idea to bring some drugs into my dorm room. Needless to say I was NOT pleased when Mr. Plumber told me about this. He assured me that he had gotten rid of them and that was that.

Months and months later later I am home for the summer and have somehow managed to fit all my crap into my dad's Jeep. I come home one day from work and my mom calls me into her room. I notice that she looks pissed. Really pissed. Without a word she throws a ziplock bag at me. What is it? Why of course it's the bag of mushrooms that Joe the Plumber had brought to Boston. Apparently when he said "I got rid of it," what he really meant was "I stuffed it in a pair of your socks without telling you." It takes me about two hours but I finally convince my mother that it's not mine, and just as I think this awful experience is over she says:

"Oh, and when I was going through your sock drawer, I found some of your ... personal items. I just want you to know that what you do with your body is your business."

I think it's safe to say that I'd rather swallow an entire balloon of heroin than have my mother find my vibrator. FUCK.


Elizabeth said...

i just BUSTED out laughing. price...less.

Anonymous said...

ahahhahahahhaahhahaha amazing jessie. you've outdone yourself.