Saturday, March 28, 2009

cowboy fail.

After a fairly messy breakup towards the end of 2007, I decided that I needed to move on and reactivated my Match.com account. Seemingly within minutes I had received and instant message from a guy. We will call him Cowboy, on account of the hat he seemed to be wearing in almost all of his pictures. I had been feeling pretty down in the dumps so when he asked me to grab dinner after only a few hours of chatting, I said yes.

So we're at dinner and it takes me about twenty seconds to realize that Cowboy is cocky. And undeservedly so. He spends the entire meal doing three things that really piss me off:
1. Incessantly bitching about his ex-girlfriend.
2. Talking about how he already knows that he's going to get a good night kiss
3. Dropping massive amounts of sushi rice out of his mouth and onto the table and his lap

In a rare moment when he asks about me, the subject of my own ex comes up. I say that it's recent, that it was messy, and that I'd rather swallow knives than ever get back together with him. I find it hard to make conversation because I'm concentrating on counting the grains of rice that come flying out of the Cowboy's mouth as he's speaking. Sexy, no?

As he's driving me back to my apartment, I am praying to God that Cowboy doesn't walk me to the door. But unfortunately he does. In my haste to get into the apartment, I get cornered between the stoop railing and my door. I see him leaning into me almost in slow motion and I am powerless to stop him. I pull away as soon as possible, awkwardly yell "THANKS BYE", and retreat into my apartment.

A week later I have ignored several phone calls and instant messages. It's cowardly of me, I know. But I've never been good at letting people down. Anyway, he eventually catches me online without an away message and when he asks where I've been and without even thinking I type: "Sorry, I got back together with my ex and he gets really jealous when I talk to other guys. And I love him and want to be with him. Ok bye."

His response was, "Aw, I guess I just wasn't sexy enough for you."

Uh, yea. I guess you could say that.

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