Tuesday, February 17, 2009

senor galapagos

It's been far too long since I reached into my arsenal of ridiculous and embarrassing dating stories, so here goes. One night during my sophomore year of college me and a few of my sorority sisters had just come from a mixer and headed over to another friend's apartment. We played cards, drank some beers and the next thing I know I am sitting on the counter making out with a boy. We will call him Senor Galapagos (this will make sense later). Apparently we were so involved in our groping session that we knocked over and broke a lamp without even skipping a beat. Classy, right? Eventually I guess my friends get tired of watching me make out with this dude and decide to head out to the bar. So Senor Galapagos say goodbye, we exchange numbers and that's that.

This is where I get stupid. I don't remember why I did this, but I decided to run through the lobby through the automatic glass doors. However, I was a couple of feet off and instead of running through the doors I slammed into the glass windows. I bounced backwards and landed on my back and immediately popped up and ran through the doors and took off down the street. When my friends finally caught up with me and asked me if my head was okay, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. To this day, I have no recollection of hitting into the glass door, but apparently it gave my friends, the security guard and everyone else who was standing in the lobby quite the laugh.

The way my friends explain it, I was essentially the human version of this:
But, the story does not end there! Senor Galapagos ended up calling me a few days later. Despite the absurd amount of alcohol we'd both consumed, he remembered me, and wanted to go out on a date. Thankfully my run-in (literally) with the glass window didn't wipe out all of my memories of the night, so I wasn't completely confused when he called. The date was uneventful, but towards the end he says something along the lines of "Listen, you're nice, but..." We all know how that speech goes, right? Well, imagine my surprise when he continued with "I'm not really looking for anything right now because I'm heading to the Galapagos Islands to study Sea Turtles." It took everything I had not to laugh hysterically because, is this seriously my life?

I never spoke to Senor Galapagos after that date. However, I did hear through the grapevine that his research facility was attacked by angry natives. Moral of the story: Stay away from the Galapagos Islands.


Anonymous said...

zomg jessie that is fucking hilarious. im home sick today and that just make me almost choke on a coldeze. im going to use that as my excuse always.

would i like to go out to dinner?....ooh cant. i have to go study sea turtles.

Unknown said...

I was laughing pretty much the entire time that I was typing this, I'm glad you were amused.

I think we should use that as the universal rejection line.