Wednesday, February 25, 2009

gambled on a fart and lost

Thanks to Dave and Eleanor for both thinking of me when they saw this:



The original Craigslist posting, if you can't read the above image:
We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that. I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

___________________________________________


Hot damn.

I've had some pretty embarrassing dates in my time. But I can rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how many times I've been stripped of my dignity, at least I've never pooped in someone's car. I think anyone's first reaction would be "hoooly shit!". However, I have to wonder how in the hell it's possible that he still wants a second date with the chick who crapped in his car while I'm having a hard time finding a guy who will take me out on a first date!

Does this mean that I should poop in my pants next time a date drives me home?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

Hilarious. -Giorgio